Genius Awareness Test

Count the passes for the team in white. I know it sounds stupid...but believe me you won't see everything. Just try it.






~Vale~

This is Not the Devil

…it is a mask of Perchta a sort of strange looking Germanic Santa Claus who during the 12 days between Christmas and the Epiphany would bring a gift for the good little boys and girls only if they had worked hard all year…however if they were lazy they got their bellies slit, their entrails taken out and to be replaced with straw and rocks…yikes. She is the protector of the animals…I still can’t get past the whole slit-your-belly-and straw thing. This Goddess, yes its female, had a following in the early 1400’s but this blog entry is not for Perchten. This blog entry is to call attention to the Pagan, which means country, rural or rustic, traditions that have influenced our culture in every holiday. How else could the death and resurrection of Christ be associated with an oversized rabbit that leaves eggs and baskets for the children? Wow, I just got weirded out by the freaky Perchta-thingy.


~Vale~

Red Garland-Soul Junction

This song reminds me of smoke filled bars,bitter whiskey and the clash of billiard balls. Of a time where men could sit and lament without the need for gunfire, of a time where women understood what it took to make a house a home and children played outside. But those days are gone and all that is is left is this beautiful music by Red Garland. Happy Friday.




~Vale~

Ten Easy Ways to Survive this Recession

Businesses survive by passing on the cost of doing business to you the consumer. This surcharge causes the price of goods and services to creep higher and higher causing the consummate consumer to pay a kingly ransom aka(the *Little Debbie Effect, explanation below). Remember our paychecks don't offset for the added fuel surcharge. So here are ten easy ways to survive this recession.

1. Eat before you go

If you are paying 3.20-plus per gallon of gas and head to the market you are paying a fuel surcharge on your food also. Something has to be cut, let’s see…McDonald's, Burger King, and Starbucks. Even though these foods are simple, fast and easy they are budget killers. Eat breakfast and take a lunch with you.

2. Plan your trips

Knowing the round-trip distance will allow you to calculate fuel usage. Set aside a fuel budget and when the price of fuel exceeds your budget. Call co-workers and offer to drive them to work for a fee. Extra riders mean spreading the fuel cost around and quiet possibly a profit in your pocket.

3. Cheap Entertainment

Going out to watch a movie is so passé, especially when you can have a Netflix membership for less than 10 dollars a month. A family can save hundreds of dollars just by renting movies this way. Remember no gas to the rental store, no late fees, and you can have DVD parties charging 1 dollar to watch a movie with free popcorn. The membership will pay for itself. Oh, you can have someone bring the beer and liquor if that suits your fancy. Ah hem, you can also find the latest movies online free. But I didn’t tell you that.

4. Cut communication expenses

In this day of the electronic leash it is not if you have a leash but how many. If you have a cell phone, a home phone, and internet then some decisions need to be made. Traditional reasoning states, “You should have a home phone.” Non-traditional reasoning states, “You already own a cell phone.” Cutting one should be an easy task. Ok…kill the home phone you really don’t need it and besides if you have a calling circle or a fave five then you will save even more money. Or just say Magic Jack.

5. Ignore the Judas Goats

Judas Goats are goats used to lead sheep to the slaughter without being slaughtered themselves. If you watch enough television you will see market analyst balk at the idea of a recession but just think there aren’t any poor market analyst on television. Meanwhile back at the ranch you are struggling to eat, pay your mortgage and drive your car. Protect yourself at all times. Ignore these idiots and come up with a solid solution to solve your own financial problems.

6. Basic Cable

Who needs 150 channels? A cheaper package means lesser quality channels, however you can always upgrade if your economic status changes or football season starts. This means a whole new setup. If the cable company is charging for a DVR then send it back. Pssst…you can find most episodes of any television show online. Just know you read that here first.


7. Kill EFT's

Deep in the recesses of your bank account there are probably a few monthly electronic withdrawals you have forgotten about. Check and eliminate the ones you do not use. This means scrutinizing your bank account with the blood lust of a divorce attorney. Nothing is sacred, any EFT that is not necessary need to be removed like a malignant tumor.

8. Use pencil and paper

Keeping tract of your purchases will recession proof your life. Too many times we are caught up in the electronic doo-dads that are supposed to do it for us. However handwritten notes do not crash, have corrupted files, or become infected with the latest virus. Write down your purchases on a daily basis and track your spending. Believe me you will be startled to learn you have been sipping on that 5 dollar latte, or eating out at 12 dollars per meal every day.


9. Shop around

Brand loyalty is great, but cheapest is better. Think about it. There is no difference between the job of a Lamborghini and a Ford Festiva. They both carry people and people’s stuff around. That’s it. Surprised? Oh, you can go faster in one, you can look like a billion bucks in one. But simply put. They are both forms of t-r-a-n-s-p-o-r-t-a-t-i-o-n. So supplement 30-50 percent of your purchases with off brand items and save.

10. Take Care of Yourself

Being sick or injured is costly as hell. You loose time at work and the cost of a doctor’s visit can break your pockets…even with health insurance. And if you are thinking those 4 dollar prescriptions a Wally-world will save you…think again. Exercise, relax and limit your intake of alcohol and tobacco. Get plenty of rest and laugh as much a possible. There is nothing worse that being sick and broke at the same time.


*Little Debbie Effect

Little Debbie is a snack cake that is popular down south. They have been the cheapest source of a sugar rush on the market but when the gas crunch started Little Debbie became a way, for me, to tell gas prices were throwing things out of whack. First sign was that the snacks no longer fit the packages but were the same price. Then the snacks went up in price while occupying the larger package. Now the cakes are too expensive to be a just a sugar rush.


~Vale~

Is it a Recession Yet?

Surely, somewhere hidden deep in the bowels of some unmentioned financial institution some economist is whispering the word recession. Well, lets see, a recession is described as negative growth in the GDP or (Gross Domestic Product) for at least two years. I won’t go into economics 101 but I will say with the worse job loss in the last five years, a dollar that has lost its muster and eggs that are high as hell…says yes, we are in a dreaded recession. However if you listen to conservative talk radio, something I love to do because those idiots make no sense what so ever and I get a chuckle, we are in a slighteconomic downturn. But if you are a productive member of society, liberal or conscious conservative, you know that your paycheck is not going very far. Gas is taking a bite out of your wallet, food prices are soaring, I personally paid 30 dollars for 3 bags of groceries last night, and even the peso is rising against the American dollar. Now the question is how McCain or Obama will address this problem before they head into this November’s election. I know Al Qaeda is trying to kill us. I know the war on terrorism is important. I understand we must stand firm as a nation. BUT, I want to know how in the hell am I suppose to be a productive citizen if I cannot afford to drive my car or buy groceries. But pssst, if you tune in to The Apocalypse Papers next week then you will see how to manage a micro-economy (that would be your budget)…and still save money. Trust me, I am already doing it.


~Vale~

Can You Smell What Barak Is Cooking?

I Googled the name Barak and what returned stunned me. Barak is an ancient name, the word for lightning in Hebrew, the name of a commander of the army of Deborah. It is a quite fitting name for someone who has taken America by storm with his vision of change. But I guess my question would be…what will he be changing? As a fence riding Moderate with Republican tendencies I shun anyone or anything that perpetuates slothfulness in our community. I deplore taxes, I adore profit, I hate big government and I adore efficiency. Even as Republican as the previous sentence sounds I don’t particularly give in to the Republican point of view with unabashed conviction.
I watch and am amazed as some dyed-in-the-wool Republicans surrounding me are supporting Clinton because they know Senator McCain cannot beat Senator Obama. Even the strategy posed by Mr. Mega-Dittos himself is to vote for Hillary so there would be a chance for the GOP to take the helm for another 4 years. I see this as a completely viable strategy that might have worked if Senator Obama was notcovered in Teflon. I watch and am amazed as some Republicans are completely floored that other Republicans call Senator McCain a Conservative. And I watch and am amazed that some Republicans would even choose Senator Obama over McCain. This discombobulation on the behalf of the Grand Ole Party leads me to believe they don’t have a credible plan or a frontrunner capable of winning another 4 years.
But I am a creature of question and answer and each of my waking days is an adventure as the Clinton campaign tries to take the Obama campaign down a notch only to be rebuked. I really would like to know how Senator Obama is going to strengthen the Dollar and what does he propose to do about the Iraqi War conundrum? I want to know how he intends on solving the problems of healthcare premiums rising beyond the reach of the middle class. Gas prices, Lord yes, Gas prices, that too! I want to know how his foreign policy will put the fear of Jesus in Al Qaeda without putting boots on the ground. I want to be caught in the Obama rapture. I want to believe but I am a pencil to paper kinda guy. Show me. However Rome was not built in a day, so it will take him getting into office before each of those questions could be addressed. So stay tuned.


~Vale~

Filipino Prisoners Crank Dat Soulja Boy

Our tax dollars currently allow for inmate health care, education and personal fitness. I wonder if anyone would have a complete come apart if our prisoners performed a dance routine.





~Vale~

Barrel of Gas 67 Euros

Euros are slowly making the US Dollar look like Monopoly money. The exchange rate, as of this blog entry, was .66 cents of Euros for every 1 US dollar. This means that our dollar has become even weaker and the market is trading more and more of these ugly, but high priced, bank notes. If you look to the left side of this page you will see an Oil Price Widget and with it you can calculate what the Euro backed market is paying for a barrel of gas versus what the US is paying. But the scary thing is that for the Euro market to reach 100 Euros per barrel. Americans would be paying 150 dollars per barrel. Please feel free to visit The Apocalypse Papers to check oil prices I know I will.


~Vale~

When Dads Attack

Tears, prayer vigils and Amber Alerts have been avoided today. There will be no need to hold a press conference on the whereabouts of Frances Ramirez. This is because her father chased down the man who abducted his 4 year old…and got her back. Just when I think the world has lost its mind, I have to think again. If you have been reading The Apocalypse Papers then you will know I am pro Dad. I am pro kick-a-bastard-in-the-groin just before you shoot him or her if they happen to bother one of your kids. My attitude towards child offenders is justified and should be accepted widely. But there are some weaklings who believe the judicial system and law enforcement should handle all situations. But tell me, if you dare, would you spend the next 10 years in jail if it meant your children were protected and alive by your violent actions. I congratulate Robert Perez Rodriguez for doing what needed to be done.



~Vale~

Shootings, Shootings Everywhere

Calamity ensues when an idiot shows up on a college campus armed to the teeth and begins to lower the college population one gunshot victim at a time. There is no possible way to predict the next {insert education facility here} shooting. But is there a way to prevent the next shooting. Now the old adage goes, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” But in all honesty we can’t rightfully kill all the people that might be a threat to our personal safety. But we can severely limit their access to firearms. This is gun control plain and simple. I thought I would never write it but there it is in black and white.



~Vale~

Portal Georgia

One Mega Millions ticket was sold in Portal Georgia, population a whopping 600 resident give or take a few, that is worth 270 MILLION dollars instantly creating a mega, MEGA millionaire. Now who ever has bought the winning ticket is in for a rush of a lifetime. There will parties, trips and untold luxury. There will be a spending like a drunken rapper in a closed mall. Am I mad at the winner? Am I dismayed that I did not win the Mega Millions? I will say with composure and dignity, no. Because I know what that sudden infusion of cash would do in to my life. I want to be a millionaire; I want to retire fiscally comfortable and able to travel the world with my wife. But I don’t want to be dipped in gorgeous millions so deep that I loose sights of the yellow and white lines in the road. And believe me lottery winners often do. So I applaud the winner of the lotto and celebrate my loss. But boy that Taylor Made-Ninja-Harley Bass catching airplane sure would have been nice.

~Vale~

Natasha Sizow

Imagine if you checked your son’s cell phone and found illicit pictures of his high school teacher. Being a responsible parent you check the sending number and voila those pictures come directly from her cell phone. That is what Natasha Sizow a Virginia school teacher has done. These pictures were sent to not one student, nay, these pictures were sent to several high school students. Really, what can boy children offer to a mature woman? I mean is there such a shortage of available men that this woman has to turn to boys for attention. There is a hearing set for April 2nd. The Apocalypse Papers will be following Natasha Sizow.


~Vale~

Valentine's Day...SUCKS!

If I could go back in time I would summarily ruin the good name of all three St. Valentines so this infernal holiday would not exist. Let me tell you why. Valentine’s Day, as I understand it, is a day for lovers, romantics and couples. However this blogger is a consummate skeptic believing that Valentines Day is a philogynistic holiday bent on the destruction of men everywhere. Really now, flowers, candy, teddy bears and heart-shaped {insert item here}, are not meant for men. Where is our holiday? I get so tired of participating in a multi-billion dollar retail holiday only to receive a .99 cent card and a peck on the cheek. What in the hell?
Valentine’s Day is a holiday where pounds of chocolate are consumed by the blushing recipient only to reappear as cottage cheese on their thighs a week later. Guess who gets the blame? Oh no, it is not the chocolate vacuum cleaner, it is the purchaser of the vile, butt-spreading, candy. When the roses start to rot and the house smells like an old mortuary, guess who gets screamed at for not disposing of a hundred dollars worth of dead flowers. When the Mylar balloons become a source of squeaky helium voices or just hangs languidly from the ceiling, guess who has to throw yet another sign of their affection in the trash. And don’t make me mention the emotional “I love you because…” cards that disappear into that dark recess of a closet or trash.
Personally I feel that next year will be different for me. I will not scramble and wait in line. There will be no ordering flowers. There will be only a card that I made and a flower that I will pluck from the earliest of blooms and these should mean more than all the chocolate in the world. However if they don’t I guess I will be back in line. But I wont like it.

~Vale~

Best of Superbowl XLII Commercials

Ok, besides the New York Giants taking it by three to win Superbowl XLII, I laughed at these awesome commmercials. The Pepsi Max Nod Commercial, The Bridgestone Tire Commercial with the screaming animals, The Life Water Commercial with the dancing Lizards/geckos/salamanders amphibians thingies, which by the way have two other small videos and my favorite The Dorito Commercial. They are below enjoy!













~Vale~

Temple of Humankind

The Temple of Humankind, in my humbled opinion, has to be listed at the 8th wonder of the world. The Temple of Humankind consists of: The Halls of Water, Earth, Spheres, Mirrors, Metals, the Blue Temple, and the Labyrinth. The name alone implies the singular when in actuality it is a collection of temples in honor of the earth different beliefs. How great is that. Imagine if you will a place of worship that honors your beliefs. I don’t mean an innocuous non-denominational chapel. I mean a place where the builders honor your beliefs. If you don’t believe me look for yourself. The Temple of Humankind was build by a society called, The Federation of Damanhur. Now, it has been my belief to pin the term, “Cult” on any collection of people brought together under one belief system. However I haven’t found anything online that suggest otherwise. So I can gawk at the beauty of the Federations work and not feel silly because they have a completely crazy (there’s that word again) doctrine of goat chasing or dressing like a tree.

~Vale~

Discourses

Learning when to run is far better than knowing how to run. And running, no make that sprinting, is exactly what I did before SS Emergystat Ambulance sank like a lead brick. Emergystat got into financial trouble with the IRS, GE Capital and Mississippi’s Department of Revenue and after the dust cleared Emergystat had shut its entire ambulance operations down in less than 12 hours. Not a cut back, or a scale down but a complete and total shutdown of a mission critical resource. A resource that provided much needed emergency healthcare for hundreds of townships and employed of at least a thousand employees. There were rubber paychecks, deceit from their managers and falsehood after falsehood. The owner has gone into hiding and now Emergystat Ambulance is a distant bitter memory.

Have you ever noticed when a Democrat or Republican wins a state’s caucus there is a picture of them grinning like they won one hundred million dollars in the Mega-Lotto. The job for President pays 400,000 dollars with a 50,000 expense account and most of these candidates are millionaires already. So tell me, why the grin? Surely they must know they are soliciting for the job of balancing on a greased beach ball, while receiving daily intel-reports on moving nukes and starving countries. To add to this they must appear calm and collected as they appear at press conferences while touting the party line. Being elected the President of the United States is not a job you take lightly. Not to say I want a President who grimaces as if they were passing a kidney stone in every picture. But I do want a President who is polished, humbled, and articulate with a convincingly pleasant façade. It’s ok if they walk around frowning in the Oval Office. I think having the entire weight of the free world resting on your shoulders is a frown worthy event.

As a Paramedic I know there are crazy people out there. There is no other way to call someone who throws all four of their children off of a bridge. Crazy describes people who kill their girlfriends and boil body parts before calling the police. Crazy describes the people who decapitate, mutilate, abduct and cremate other people. Crazy people stalk hiking trails and dig shallow graves for pregnant women. Once the public stops having a love affair with crazy people then we can use the word “Crazy” again. Instead of mentally challenged and the word biphobicphreniadepressive. We can finally hear the words on the news, “A crazy person is on the loose.”

The New England Patriots have had a winning season, post season and are headed to the Superbowl to play the New York Giants. This game will live in infamy as sponsors showcase their new multimillion dollar ads as party goers become insanely inebriated on cheap beer and even cheaper liquor. There will be a glorious halftime show with all the glitz and glamour of a Vegas nightclub. There will be canny candor bounced between the various sports broadcasters and a rehashing of the plays from has-been gridiron heroes and arthritic quarterbacks alike. There will be whoops and hollers from fans whose team have won with groans and winces from fans whose team has lost and when the festivities are all over with, Monday will come as usual.

I don’t know about you but if I had wagered and lost Seven BILLION Dollars of a financial institution’s money I would get plastic surgery and go into hiding with Osama, because I am sure my employer has a really good Hitman on retainer. Really what do you say to your boss, “Sorry I miscounted,” or “Hey I had a bad day?” I would love to be in that meeting room.

Steve Jobs has done it again by raising the bar. The MacBook Air only weighs 3 pounds. The Air does not come with an optical drive or all the bells and whistles of a normal laptop and it is less than an inch thick. How’s that for technology.




~Vale~

Poor, Poor,Tiger

I have had enough of the so-called tiger tragedy. The beautiful orange carnivore has been splashed across the screen like the animal member of Al Qaeda. There have been debates and finger pointing for the 12 foot fence being 4 feet too short. There have been news conferences and the repeated clips of the Paramedics placing an injured man on a yellow spine board. And the only thing I could say was, “Man, that was one pissed off kitty.” Just imagine, day in and day out people strolling past your man-made habitat and you can do nothing but watch. You know as a tiger you will never be able to chase an antelope, terrorize a village or cover your face in the blood of a fresh water buffalo kill. Your caretakers slip Mickies into your food and shoot you with tranquilizer darts so they can probe your recesses and clean your cage. And finally one day after listening to senseless chatter of zoo patrons, you had enough. Enough of the fat kids sipping on drinks walking so slow past your cage you could almost smell their meat. Enough of the people roaring and pointing towards you, taunting you, teasing you, getting on your last single feline nerve…until one day. Someone had to pay. The cage never really could hold you in.
Simply put, the tiger was killed for being a tiger. And the lesson learned is don’t anger the tigers, lions and…bears (can I get an Oh My!).I don’t have any sympathy for the teenager who was summarily dispatched by the 350 pound feline. That is what happens to stupid people. Somehow society needs to cry over people who accidentally shot the top of their heads off, drive drunk and then crash into bridges going in excess of 100 miles per hour, and tease tigers. You may call those tragedies but I call it thinning the heard. Bah. I feel there should be a stupid alert that goes out on the radio, “Attention, we have a car playing chicken with a train who wants to take bets the train will win?” Now if a Siberian Tiger suddenly showed up in my living room I would have a problem. Society should really put things into perspective.


~Vale~

Holiday Discourses

During the holiday I have figured out that Christmas of my childhood was murdered and resurrected into a swollen, putrid retail holiday of gift giving and over consumption of mass quantities. The entire celebration (in my humble opinion) has lost its meaning of heralding the arrival of the Christ child. Instead, ole’ Saint Nick, decked out in a crushed red velvet pimp suit complete with hat and white beard and square belt buckle, is now the corporate backed and legally sanctioned holiday icon/anti-savior of choice. This is the last year I worship at the cash register in his jolly name. The reason for the season has been replaced by packed malls, road rage, and pissed off parents who waited to late to buy the newest electronic babysitter. Furthermore, courtrooms have taken the Christ out of Christmas and replaced it with the separation of church and state in a country founded on Christianity. And honestly, who in the hell let Kwanzaa on the calendar?

Well, Benazir Bhutto is has been eliminated and if you, the reader, did not see that one coming you have to be blazingly blind, innocuous to your surroundings or you are so brain-washed you think we really are winning the war on terror. There was no way Ms. Bhutto was ever going to topple Pervez Musharraf in a forced election. President Musharraf holds the reins on a nuclear capable country, knows the terrorist personally and was (and still is) in control of that country’s powerful military. Now honestly, who do you think had enough power to get that bomber close enough to assassinate Ms. Bhutto’s bodyguards while she herself died from gunshot wounds?


The Iowa Caucus is right around the corner and I am no political genius but I know one thing. I am sure that the Republicans don’t have a yeast rolls chance in a fat man’s pocket if they think they are going back into the White House. There are candidates on both sides of the political fence that would make excellent presidents. On the left is Obama, a political stem-cell who is able to assume any form because he has no past record and on the right Huckabee a friendly-faced republican who does not scare me like Herr Romeny. However, the field is really not Republican against Democrat, it is Obama against Hillary. Sorry Huckabee.


The Senate just passed a 555 billion dollar budget with 70 billion going towards continuing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. How long does 70 billion last when powering the American war machine? I did some fancy ciphering and I came up with 395 days. And as of this blog entry our President only has 389 days left so this number sounds about right. 395 days is based on the possibility that the war is costing the US 177 million dollars a day based on an old USAToday article. I can live with 395, but what will happen when it comes time to refinance is anyone’s guess.


~Vale~

Weirdest Video... Ever!!!

Ok, now I have seen it all. After 20 years in the medical field, I have finally found a patient that made my skin crawl. I don't want to explain. Just Watch!






~Vale~

Hathaway and Nat King Cole

It's official, the Christmas season is in full swing. Enjoy!









~Vale~

Texas Castle Defense Law

I have been watching events unfold on television where a Texan has shot two intruders who were trying to break into his neighbor’s home. This neighbor was armed with a shotgun, gave the 911 dispatcher fair warning he was going to act and then he did. Two men are now dead. And honestly, I would have done the same thing. Now for those people who cower behind Law Enforcement remember there is a Castle Doctrine in Texas. This law allows for the protection of ones property, family, home, and business through deadly force. In Texas this law covers protected areas also. Now, if your neighbor’s home was being robbed would you (the reader) have the courage to protect his or her property? And yes there is a castle defense doctrine in Alabama I covered it in this link. Through this brave neighbors action a legal precedent is about to be set. Stay Tuned.


~Vale~

Temptations-I Can’t Get Next To You

I love the Temps, don’t you?






~Vale~

Hank Arron

On April 8, 1974 I was a big 4 going on an even bigger 5. That day could have been as innocuous as lets say March 2, 1982. But what made that April 8th awesome was the fact Hank Arron broke Babe Ruth’s record. An Alabamian broke the longstanding record. I was shocked to see my mild mannered grand father laugh and jump for joy like he broke the record himself. I didn’t understand what the hype was all about but 34 years later I understand…I understand.
Hank Arron will always be the first to break Babes record. He will remain the all time home run king in my book. Barry Bonds on the other hand achieved a goal by surpassing Hank but he did it on juice, plain and simple. The media storm that surrounded Hank Arron never doubted his natural ability, modesty and love for the game. The media storm that surrounds Barry Bonds is ensuring his new set record becomes a minuscule footnote in baseball history.
I believe however, that Bonds was setup and in my book that was wrong. I believe the investigators and prosecutors should have issued indictments before that fateful game, regardless of how bad the owners and fans wanted Barry break the record. You just don’t build a case against someone and let it marinade until the hype has died down. That to me is just retarded and it appears retardation is contagious.


~Vale~

Suicide by Police

Police officers are not infallible people. They are subjected to the same vices, jealousy, pain and as of late even murder. And with each officer being the living embodiment of the communal law we have enacted, they are subjected scrutiny and the heat of microscopes because of their daily actions. I am not a police officer and I wouldn’t dare become one because of the aforementioned statement. Reading an article about 18 year old Khiel Coppin male getting shot and killed because he was holding a brush has really upset me. Not because the police responding to the domestic dispute shot and killed an unarmed man but because the unarmed man was holding a brush threatening the officers and ignoring their commands. Let’s look at this shall we? If you had a job where there was a possibility that you could be killed with each call you made, would you, the reader, be on edge? If you had the opportunity to prevent your murder by shooting first-would you? If you answered no, click away from this blog. But if you answered yes, then you understand what happened to that kid holding the brush. I don’t see it as a white cop versus black kid deal however it will be perceived that way. But I do see it as suicide by police and it is not all to uncommon.

~Vale~

The Weeks Discourses

Driving into work this morning I realized that the price of gas has exceeded the height of giraffe’s warm, reproductive organs. I can imagine that Shell, BP, Amoco, and any other oil company I haven’t named are jumping for joy because people are still commuting. People are still working , living and no one is spitting venom at the oil companies-at least not publicly. And there are some people that are saying we are headed to 4 dollars a gallon. I think a motorcycle might be in order soon or a horse.


Former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto returned to Pakistan and her mere presence is causing civil unrest and protest against President Pervez Musharraf. She was placed under house arrest and then set free to room her compound (compound arrest). However, I believe Pakistan’s unrest is part of the democratic process and President Musharraf is caught holding the bag. If he wasn’t holding the bag, Ms. Bhutto would probably already be in one…ahem. But since the whole world is watching including Al Qaeda, Osama and a host of nervous Muslim leaders, Pakistan’s President/Dictator hands are tied with barbed wire. Just remember Musharraf's country is nuclear capable and if there is no stable government, the bomb could fall in the wrong American-hating hands. Stay tuned.


OJ is finally going to be paid back for killing his wife or actually that is what the public wanted. I don’t understand this obsession with an aging Heisman Trophy winner and his memories. Ok, he walked in a room and demanded his stuff back at gun point; he is facing life for this. Life. A football player with bad nerves and swollen knees is facing life. And if you know about a crime before it occurs and you do nothing to stop it doesn’t that make you a conspirator? Someone tell the FBI that.


If Chinese made toys are covered in lead paint and some could metabolize into the, ”Date Rape Drug” GHB if swallowed, why hasn’t America grumbled furiously and said, “Thanks but no thanks” and ceased all toy imports from China. Is it because of the upcoming holiday season? Is it because China has us by the red, white and blue balls? Is it because China there is so much outsourced business in China they could wreck us economically? Why is it that the health of our children means absolutely nothing to the outgoing Whitehouse administration? If you think I am over reaching, say SCHIP, and say it loudly.


NBC has a program called, “To Catch a Predator.” But the only species they are catching are men. I think that this program is a good thing. I think that NBC should link with America’s Most Wanted and combine to become a mega predator show. However it seems that perverse men are not the only ones who are copulating with underage kids. It seems like the American justice system over looks and downplays the perverse women who molest boys and girls alike. Why the difference? The latest teacher, who ran with her child-lover, left him in Mexico where he can’t return. Because he is an illegal alien who is has now been separated from his family. I wonder if she did that on purpose. Think about it no child, no crime.

Somewhere Out There…

…aliens are laughing their little green buttocks off. This is not to say that their buttocks couldn’t be magenta, or chartreuse or some color we couldn’t wrap our tiny minds around, that is to say, if they even had buttocks at all. The sole reason they are rolling around in their spaceships, snortaling, pointing at their vidscreens, giving each other high fives, or high ones or high claw thingies, is because they will inherit a planet devoid of humans, but full of resources, in the time it takes for them to return home, report their findings, gather an armada of their own colonist and return.
I say that these species of whatevers are counting on the fact that the Earth, formerly know as Human land, will eventually reach its maximum viral load of human bipeds and eventually start anti-biped therapy (earthquakes, hurricanes, and drought). This therapy will be enhanced by the human bipeds accidentally creating drug resistant diseases as a direct result of their own medial mismanagement, in addition to their insatiable thirst for warfare.
I say that these highly intelligent beings know that if the planetary atmosphere is poisoned long enough those living beneath the atmosphere will perish. They know that the Being that advocates peace, love and harmony…does not need five dollars in a collection plate on Sunday nor does the Being command guided cruise missiles to strike their infidel/terrorist targets with extreme prejudice. They know that two male species of plants, side by side will eventually die without spawning another of its kind. They know that warehouses for dangerous bipeds are the result of poor leadership during the instructional phase of life. They know that population control is not only for the poorest of the human biped species but is essential to maintain the homeostasis of the planet. So somewhere in the vastness of space are these creatures who are throwing confetti, popping balloons and taking bets on how many cars will it take to fill the Grand Canyon.


~Vale~

Global Warming II

I am no climatologist, I have not studied the effects of the loss of one Elm tree on the earths overall climate, but I do listen to those who do. And what unnerves me is that if the leading global scientists are screaming that the planet is getting hotter yearly and this heat is melting the polar caps why aren’t we all walking? I mean, seriously. Everyday there is a conference, a journalistic paper, a study, that rings a serious alarm and it seems to fall on deaf ears. The alarm that Britney Spears had lost her kids made front page, the alarm that OJ carried out an armed robbery to retrieve football memorabilia made front page for a week, but the alarm that the earths entire species, including humans, may be heading towards a 6th mass global extinction, it occupies the same page as those Ponzi schemes in the local supermarket tabloid. Remember, the Kryptonians ignored the warnings on Superman’s home world of Krypton and we all know what happened there.
What I understand about our society is that if there isn’t an immediate visible impact, the problem doesn’t exist. Just because the Statue of Liberty's torch isn’t only thing visible above water, no one is concerned. Yeah,there is the green movement and the carbon footprint movement, but really where is the hardcore decision making to outlaw H1’s H2’s and H3’s. Where is the hardcore decision making to change the way our country uses fossil fuel and fossil fuel by-products. I guess those decisions wont come until the island of Florida and the underwater City of New Orleans asks for Federal assistance. I guess when there is no water for Atlanta and that city becomes a festering nightmare of thirsty and musty people will anything be done.


~Vale~

WHAT IN THE...!!!!

The internet never fails to amaze me. Watch this video. I was totally floored when it was done.





~Vale~

Jena 6

After all the hoopla about these 6 young Black men (Jena 6) I wanted to know more. So I found this video on YouTube that explains what happened. You can also visit this site for more information.





~Vale~

Man Wakes Up During His Own Autopsy

There are just somethings you just have to read for yourself. Here is a link to the article.



~Vale~

About The Apocalypse Papers

Writing a blog everyday is a task. If you are updating two to three times a day it is a daunting task. However my blog, “The Apocalypse Papers”, has been a living experiment. A sort of ADD styled commentary that bounces from topic to topic. The method to my madness lies in the fact that I hadn’t picked a genre for this blog. Most blog listings have TAP listed as a commentary styled blog. I agree and disagree. I believe that I have plenty of commentaries posted but I also have some really awesome, “How to” segments, a couple of good postings about writing and plenty of videos. So until I get settled into a niche I will write and write and write on anything and everything.


~Vale~

OH NO OJ!

Incredulous, embarrassing and down right mind boggling that OJ at 60 years of age is being held without bail on an armed robbery charge. It is alleged (I use that term because he hasn't been found guilty) that he broke into a Las Vegas hotel room in an attempt to recover items for sale by sport collectors. After all OJ has gone through he should be oblivious to collectors selling old memories, knowing full well he couldn't profit on the sale of the items anyway. In 1995 when he was found innocent of the crime of Murder, he was not found innocent of the crime of murder. Cultural divides along the lines of race found him innocent in the eyes of Black community and guilty in the eyes of White community. But one thing is for certain he was found innocent in a trial that made superstars out of Cochran's law firm and fools out of the prosecution, with OJ's very existence being scrutinized in the middle.

Now what still perplexes me is how he was found innocent of a criminal charge only to be found guilty of the same crime in civil court. Every time I think about it I get a migraine. The civil award equates to, “The jury said you didn't do it but you will have to pay like you did.” Personally I didn't care if OJ was found innocent or guilty. I knew he had enough money to create a reasonable doubt. I knew if I were charged with the same crime, with the same evidence, I would already have black and white tattoos creeping up my arms , a prison moniker like, “Slasher” or “Knifer and 12 years on a life sentence bid if I wasn't waiting for my day on the bed of no return. Honestly I think OJ has had enough. If an elderly Running Back, which by the way is hated by most of America based solely on public opinion, snaps in a hotel room I would take that as a ominous sign of things to come.

~Vale~

Ron Mueck: Today’s Michelangelo

Just when I thought I had seen everything, I am once more betrayed by my eyes. Below is a video that I found on YouTube. It is astonishing that there are people this talented in the world. Enjoy.







~Vale~

Five Shareware Must Haves

Keeping up with the constant influx of computer programs can be nerve racking. But if you know where to look those nerve racking programs can also be free. So I have listed the top Five Shareware Programs Must Haves.

5. Mozilla Sunbird. If you have a laptop and need to have your schedule handy at all times this program is for you. It is easy to download and set up anyway you choose.


4. Open Office. Lets face it, if you walk into Best Buy or Office Depot right now, you could find a copy of Microsoft Office 2007 for over 400 dollars. However if you want a program that does the same thing and is free, Open Office is for you.

3. iGoogle. Google, the mother of all things Internet, has a fully integrated system of bells and whistles that you can use at your leisure. There are too many things name here but Google is free also.

2. Tiny Spell. If you are an avid writer of emails or a frequent blogger this small unobtrusive program is for you. Just download and it will chime and change colors when you have misspelled a word.

1. Linux Knoppix. Did you know that you don’t have to run Microsoft Windows on your computer. Here is a free operating system. Just before you download this read the manual…please.

~Vale~

Find Cheap Computers Here!

If you are like me you want...excuse me...need a good deal on computers and computer accessories. This need made me do a search of epic proportions. Well more like an hour, but hey for the Internet that is almost like a lifetime. As a computer guy I know that the average person doesn't understand what they are looking for when purchasing a computer. So here are a couple of quick tips:

1.Do your homework. You do not need a two thousand dollar computer to play solitaire or check your email.
2.Mismatched computers are ok. If you have a black monitor with a beige tower who cares.
3.Box stores have an insane mark-up on their computers.
4.You can buy computers without the monitors, keyboards, or operating systems.
5.Never ever buy a computer when you need it.
6.Yes, you can get a good computer under 500 dollars.


Here are a couple of sites where you can buy refurbished computers at incredibly low prices. Why refurbished you ask? Well every computer right out of the box is already outdated. Believe it or not. So why pay full price for something that is already old.

If you want a Dell System here is their outlet
If you want a HP System here is their refurbish site
If you want systems under 300 dollars Tiger Direct is where you should look.

Good luck.

~Vale~

My 100th Post!!!

I did not know how hard it was to be a committed blogger until I started, “The Apocalypse Papers” last May. When I first placed character to blank Microsoft Word document, I had no clue what was in store for me and curiously over the life of this web-log, I have made some pretty dramatic life changes . My very first post entitled, “Signs of the Times” was my warning shot into the abyss of rants and rambles of online bloggers. I thought it was pretty good, but I got zero comments. Ha. What a first post. I was proud of my entry and directed it to anyone who had a computer and online access. Such naivety. So here are the top 20 things I have learned during my first 100 post.

20. There are bloggers with much larger vocabularies than my own.

19. Online readers need consistency with blog postings.

18. If you plan to make money online it is best to use eBay.

17. SEO Optimization works wonders

16. Commenting on others blogs will bring plenty of readers but not many subscribers.

15. FeedBurner is awesome…and I do mean awesome.

14. Never ever stray from your subject matter.

13. Use pictures, video, and games because text all the time will bore your visitors.

12. Always document where you got your pictures from or take your own.

11. Leave the artsy, speculative, and whiny blogs to those artsy, speculative and whiny bloggers.

10. People love to laugh but they surely don’t want to cry. Crying is bad.

09. Changing topics can sometimes throw your audience around.

08. Having a picture that shocks visitors is always good but document your source.

07. Limit your blog entries to 500 words or less.

06. Link, link and link again.

05. John Chow is my hero.

04. Learn how to use Blogger and WordPress.

03. Blog entries done in mean spirit will come back to haunt you.

02. Limiting web add-ons to your blog you will increase the load time.

01. Making money is great. But making sense is better.


~Vale~

Art Blakey & The Jazz Messengers-Blues March

I have to admit I am a huge Jazz fan. So it was only fitting that I post one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artist...Art Blakey. Enjoy!



P.S He would be the one playing the drums.

~Vale~

First Professional Contract

Being paid to do what you love is so hard to do. So when I got my first professional contract as a medical writer, frankly, I was stunned to my underwear. The reason for my astonishment was not because I didn’t think I had the skills to write. It was because an editor perched high upon an ivory tower thought the same thing. Now that is not to say that I didn’t receive praise from family members and friends (here comes the conjunction) BUT they don’t count…WAIT before you think I have become an ingrate. Remember this…family and friends will lull you into a false sense of stardom, having you believe that you are the illegitimate child of Stephen King. This well meaning, but corruptible, praise is the equivalent of a mother’s love for a hideous child. And painful, truthful opinions are what you need when writing. Lots and lot of painful opinions that rip through your ego and make you bleed through your edits over and over again. It is through that professional punishment you find the way to success.



~Vale~

Attorney General's Resignation

The Empire that invaded Iraq, suffered our men and women of the armed forces to roadside bombs, tour extensions and terrible V.A care is disintegrating before our very eyes. With the recent resignations of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, Karl Rove and Tony Snow, it is apparent that high level staff members are distancing themselves from the lame duck president before they get bird flu. The primary thought on everyone’s mind is the mess that we, yes we, have gotten ourselves into in Iraq. And it is this mess, in my opinion, that has led to resignations and plenty of everyday conservatives scraping the pretentious black and white “Dubya” off of their gas guzzling vehicles. One should not be so shallow as to think that the Dems had anything to do with his voluntary resignation. The Attorney General’s resignation probably came on the heels of actionable intelligence that the sky was falling and it was time to move out the way.



~Vale~

Werewolf

Occasionally, I stumble across a video on the internet that piques my interest and challenges my ability to maintain a straight face and oh yeah...





if you laugh you are going straight to hell.



~Vale~

Hurricane Dean

Since tropical depression number 4 has shed his number and evolved into a tropical storm Dean, it is safe to say he will further evolve into Hurricane Dean. The bathtub warm water of the Gulf will make this very possible. I try hard not to be the manic harbinger of doom, but after the tremendous devastation I’ve personally witnessed along the Gulf Coast I felt that a hurricane survival strategy should be made ready now and not when Hurricane Dean is making landfall. So here are some helpful tips:

1. Plan your escape route from the storm.

2. Keep a full tank of gas, a working spare, a usable jack, radiator fluid and motor oil.

3. Have waterproof tarps, duct tape and trash bags on the ready.

4. Find a cheap battery powered radio. Most local radio stations give updates as to storm direction, road closures, detours, as well as shelter information. Not bad for a cheap radio huh?

5. Have non-perishable foods and food that can be eaten cold i.e., Vienna Sausages, mixed vegetables, Spam, beef jerky, granola bars (caution granola will cause o ring blow-out if you don’t drink enough water), energy bars, as well as sweets.

6. Make sure you have 12 bottles of 16oz or 20oz of water per person for at least 3 days.

7. Hand sanitizer, spray disinfectant and baby wipes…lots and lots of baby wipes.

8. Protect your important documents, waterproof your picture albums, and back up all your computer files on discs.

9. Know that the call to evacuate is not a drill. Your promptness to react or lack thereof will be the difference between a cot in a shelter or a slab in the morgue.

10. Keep copies of your prescriptions, important addresses, personal identification and make sure you purchase a calling card (cell phone networks can be overloaded).



~Vale~

Ten Marriage Codes of Conduct

I feel that marriage is an antiquated institution that has lost all meaning to our society. Being married used to be the first step after maturing as an adult and the step next to death. But in my opinion it has become a bus stop to frequent travelers. The pomp and circumstance of being a Bride has overtaken the true essence of becoming a wife. JUST as being a Groom has overtaken the true essence of being a husband. And in my opinion there should be a handbook, short course, test and lab before being issued a marriage certificate. This thought process may come as comedy to some and scathing cynicism to others but I don’t care.

If you look at the wedding announcements in any U.S newspaper you will see lots of photos of the smiling faces of Brides, amidst the gentle grimaces of the Grooms. This highly pretentious announcement should come with a score in the upper right hand corner of their photo. This score should dictate their direct understanding and passing of the Marriage Codes of Conduct. If it is a low score the guest should give only congratulatory cards with five dollar gift certificates. If it is a high score the guest should give to their hearts delight. If you are laughing, laugh at this…how many weddings have you attended where the marriage didn’t last as long as the flavor in a piece of Peppermint Gum? Seriously.

Having personally survived a divorce I went on a quest to understand what it took to make a marriage last. While transporting and interacting with literally hundreds of elderly couples I asked numerous questions. I wanted to see where I went wrong.Yes, I was wrong...some of the time.Some of their responses were prophetic and some of them were pathetic but the truth remained they were in relationships of longevity. The elder couples had almost an identical core of ethics that keep them together. I prefer to call them the Marriage Codes of Conduct. Ten of them are listed below:

10. Don’t mess with the money. I was told that addicts of any kind will obliterate a marriage.

9. There is no such thing as, “Yours and Mine” there is only, “Ours.” One elderly woman said she was going to flatten her husband’s tires after his long night out with the boys, only to realize SHE would have to pay for them.

8. Think like a couple. I was told that newly married people mistakenly think in the plural instead of the singular.

7. You cannot blame 100 percent of a marriage’s mistakes on 50 percent of the relationship.

6. Single friends give bad advice. They are single for a reason.

5. Divorced friends give even worse advice. They are divorced for a reason.

4. Ex-wives, ex-husbands, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, should under no circumstance provide: a soft shoulder, a listening ear, a word of wisdom, a place to visit or a nod of approval. They are an EX for a reason.

3. Marriages make children, children do not make marriages.

2. Love is one of the jewels of the relationship, not the ring. This surprised the complete hell out of me when a wife of 40 years said, “There were years I didn’t love my husband.”

1. Trust is essential, respect is essential but responsibility is of utmost importance.


In a lot of my conversations I found out that the older couples wanted their marriage to last. I found out that most of the couples felt if your potential spouse was horrible before the wedding they will be horrible afterwards, with a legally binding agreement. In my efforts I found out that the key to an extended marriage is the direct result of knowing WHO you are going to marry an accepting him or her and NOT hoping that through marriage they will change.

~Vale~

Carefree Diet

Today marks one full month since I began my vegetarian lifestyle. I refuse to call eating only nuts, fruits and vegetables a, “diet” per se, so the term, “lifestyle” will have to do. There are several things that I have learned during this month. For one avoiding meat also means items that are associated with meat(meat flavored vegetables included). Take for instance it is unnecessary to use honey mustard dipping sauce or Ranch if you are not eating chicken strips, Heinz 57 Steak Sauce does not taste good on rice and mayo takes on a porno-esque quality if you are not eating a ham sandwich. So by avoiding those meats I inadvertently eliminated a tremendous amount of sugar and fat. The word of importance is inadvertently.

During this month I have also realized that when one has a moment of meat weakness. One pays for it in the form of a bellyache and scalding flatulence that would kill a blind goat. That said flatulence will also wake you from your nightly slumber. I have realized that eating fruits and vegetables chock full of fiber my colon stays clean…believe me there is no way to stop the cleansing process. When it is time to go you are almost too late.

But seriously, I have lost close to 18 pounds and the strange thing is that the cellulites that used to surround my man legs have disappeared. I feel lighter because I have purged the dense animal muscle and fat from my colon. I have noticed my face isn’t as oily as it once was and that I don’t get hungry as fast. I have noticed that my clothes are getting bigger and my belly smaller. I continue to read everything looking for those dreaded words, “Animal Protein” or “Animal Fat” and I have more energy to exercise. As of tomorrow I am headed into my second month and will keep you posted of my success.


~Vale~

Using Saltwater for Fuel

It isn't very often there is a news clip about something useful however I have found one today. Inventors like this is why I feel there should be a 1 billion dollar prize for the next "Green", totally renewable fuel source. Enjoy!





~Vale~

Grandma Gone Wild

If by looking at the photos below you suddenly thought of the Crypt Keeper from HBO's Tales from the Crypt, you were definitely not alone. I would say implants at 90 are not sexy. I would say implants at 90 are Anti-Viagrial at best and take up precious space for CPR. This woman is walking birth control. The words for this Grandmother should be, "NO GRANDMA, DON'T!"These photos are from the Portuguese Blog( which is in Portuguese by the way) ,Largado.Futeboltotal.com and I am sure they would appreciate if you visit their site.

~VALE~

Awesome Rock Band-Wolfmother

As a lead guitarist I enjoy playing as well as listening to Rock and Roll. Recently I stumbled across this awesome rock band called Wolfmother and let me tell you Wolfmother REALLY DOES ROCK. Personally I enjoy such artist as: Jimmie Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, CCR, Allman Brothers, Santana, Pink Floyd, The Rolling Stones, The Black Crowes, Lenny Kravitz, The Eagles, Body Count, Rob Zombie, Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave, KISS and Marilyn Manson. However when I am not listening to my personal collection of music, I frequently scour the Internet and music channels for new artist. I consider myself sort of a Rock aficionado. By listening to the first couple of guitar riffs and bars of a song, I can just about tell you if the group that playing is worth your time. But every now and then I run across a group or song that has promise. And gentle reader let me tell you for this brief moment in time it is Wolfmother. Enjoy.








~Vale~

Domestic Violence Shelters for Men

While serving in communities across Alabama for over 20 years I have responded to numerous domestic violence calls. For each call I have answered I become more and more appalled at the level of control (mental and monetary) the abuser has over their victim. However, in my opinion, the domestic violence law of Alabama, in is too broad and needs revision. The law allows for the smallest of visible physical evidence to be used solely as a catalyst for arrest. This is not fair to the husband who has grabbed his spouse, to prevent her from stabbing him to death, thus leaving physical marks, resulting in him being arrested. I have seen it and the police officers, who have a tough job anyway, generally dismiss his claim based on a lack of evidence i.e. penetrating stab wounds to the husband’s person or his cold corpus delicti. This might come as a shock to my female readers everywhere but believe it or not the man is not always the abuser.

Personal compliance with Alabama’s Domestic Violence Law is mandatory as it should be However if you are found actively violating the law when the police arrive you can find yourself arguing with the business end of a police officers black can of mace or his Taser. But having treated patients second to domestic violence I realize that not all patients are female and not all females go to jail when they are the abusers. But to espouse upon my revelation in the previous sentence would take a 6 part miniseries. That is something I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. However when the man is at the receiving end of spousal abuse where does he go?

When men have reached the end of their marriages or are forced out of their marriages they are thought of as being tough enough to handle it. Emotions are something true guys don’t have a great command over. The key word is true. Believe me surprise divorce papers have killed plenty of husbands, with depression, alcohol and drug abuse killing more than that, and cheeseburgers ,meat lovers pizza’s and 20 year old girlfriends taking out the rest. But who do the steel workers, meat eaters, hunters, soldiers, fathers, husbands and protectors turn too when they need some time reassess their position besides jail? I am one of those men who have thought of that previous question and frankly I am appalled that the society who all too often emasculates men for being men has no way to save the dying breed of real men.

I have an idea. I personally vote for that creepy looking mansion, surrounded by Texas thorn bushes, nestled deep in the bowels of a dark forest. This place would be well equipped with man stuff like a shooting gallery, smoking rooms, furniture made out rough logs, a well stocked free bar, bathrooms with urinals and toilet seats that are welded down and oh yes I almost forgot a brass stripper pole right in the middle of the building. (Hey it’s my idea I can put what I want in it.) Therapy sessions would consist of tackle football, impromptu boxing matches and road trips to Vegas. And when it all said and done the man can go back to living his life happily knowing there are better things than a bad relationship.




~Vale~

The Verdict is In

Don Siegleman and Richard Scrushy will not be able to read this blog entry. As you read this both of them have been remanded to the Montgomery County Jail awaiting assignment to a Federal Prison which could take up to 45 days. U.S. District Judge Mark Fuller sentenced Alabama’s former governor to 88 months and Richard Scrushy the founder of HealthSouth to 82 months. Their attorneys will have 10 days to file an appeal. The Siegleman and Scrushy sentences also include restitution, fines, community service, parole, family separation, and public disgrace. I watched the details unfold on WSFA and asked myself, “How many more are out there like that?”

Lord Acton’s famous words of wisdom, “All power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely” has validity beyond Acton’s foreseeable expectations. Politics itself is a favor based institution it always has been and forever shall be. There is a host of politicians that have fallen by the waist side (pardon the cliché) and there are many more just itching to be indicted. Politics itself is a host of a social disease called greed and it is highly communicable. Looking for an honest politician is like looking for the cure for cancer. The cure may be out there but we will catch immortal hell trying to find it. It is just that simple. Bribery is a way of life in politics and it shows when there are concessions made in an effort to appease one politician to sway his or her vote for the common good of the group. Yep that’s bribery.

I do not feel sorrow for these two men nor do I feel sorrow for their families. Both of these men are wealthy. Both of these men have absolutely nothing to loose but time. Their families will enjoy the life that they are accustomed to and will not miss a beat. But I wonder…I wonder when the first decision was made by either man to accept a less than legal gift, or when either man decided to pay someone off. I wonder if they felt remorse or got a thrill and I wonder what both are thinking at this very moment as they don orange jumpsuits and know they are over 6 and a half years away from their release.


~Vale~

Week One

I started my vegetarian trek one week ago today and let me tell you I have never felt better. I am not eating pork, beef, seafood or poultry but the most amazing thing is I don’t miss them either. During this week I learned that fiber does things to your bowels that is embarrassing even when you are by yourself and is extremely cleansing during that special time of the morning...yay fiber. I have learned to look closely at food products before buying to make sure they don't contain animal proteins. I learned that fast food restaurants actually stink of cold fryer vat grease, rotting vegetables and spoiled meat and that I could buy McDonald's for my niece and nephews without as much as craving French fries. I also found out that you can make a vegetarian meal out of rice, beans (with out the perfunctory pork strip) and sautéed mushroom and be completely satisfied. And to top it all off I have lost 5 pounds…amazing. For those who would like to try eating this way to for one day here is a menu courtesy of The Apocalypse Papers.


Breakfast:

1 cup and half of bran cereal with half a cup of Soy Milk
I slice of whole wheat toast with teaspoon of peanut butter or jelly
1 Cup of coffee with non-dairy creamer and with/without artificial sweetener
1 Bottle of water

Lunch:

Two cups of green salad, with tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, banana peppers,
and olives (or fresh veggies of your choice)
(Trick: slice and season your tomatoes and cucumbers with salt, pepper and garlic powder before adding to salad)
One tablespoon of Catalina Dressing or Vinaigrette
Two shakes of Bacon Bits (The FAKE kind it will say no animal protein on the bottle)
One medium sized apple or piece of fresh fruit of choice.
Two bottles of water


Snack:

Half a cup of nut of choice or peanut butter sandwich or small serving of Pringles Potato Chips or trail mix


Dinner:

One cup of rice without butter
One cup and half of canned or frozen beans cooked and seasoned to taste.
(Try this: sauté mushrooms until tender in olive oil add Dales seasoning Dales is already salty so be careful) Toss in a couple of onions just for a special effect. Combine all the above items.

Two bottles of water





~Vale~

PLUPON:Math Game for Geniuses

Besides being highly addictive Plupon will make you have lost basic math skills and honestly the only thing you have to do is add three balls up to ten. (The trick is to not react to the slowness of the game.) Have fun!

10 new flash games every weekday at gamesforwork.com

~Vale~

Riverdance Rap

This is a viral video I am sure will have you laughing and linking to The Apocalypse Papers. Just press play and dance along.





~Vale~

Top Five Technologies to Watch

I am mystified at how technology is leaping forward every day. I watch as computers get faster and faster, cell phones get smaller and lighter (can you say choking hazard) and L.E.D lights take over traditional light bulbs. But nothing has amazed me more than the top five up and coming technologies listed below.

5.HHO Gas

In a nutshell this process is where distilled water is split into hydrogen and oxygen by using electrolysis. Then those gases are then used as a fuel source to generate a flame that is cool to the touch but will heat brass to the melting point in seconds.

4. Computer Storage Space:

Developers are in a race around the planet to develop larger storage devices in a smaller package thus making cell phones smaller as well as computers more powerful.

3.L.E.D. Lights:

It might sound strange to think of LED’s to be a technology to watch but remember there is such a thing as the, “Butterfly Effect” and besides blue light LED’s are shown to reduce acne.

2.Wave Energy:

As the planet gets warmer and sea levels rise there will be stronger and stronger waves as well as horrendous storms. You might as well make use out of the renewable and clean energy being released This technology is already being tested.

1.Hydrogen Based Fuels:

I think this technology is the number one for said reasons: A. Anything grown has to be cultivated and cultivation requires a tremendous amount of energy in the form of chemical enhancement and vast amounts of land so bio-fuels are ,in my opinion, a waste of time. B. Hydrogen exists all around us and any technology that includes its usage will go very far.



~Vale~

Funniest Video To Date

Ok let me set this up for you. This video is of a fake skeleton sitting on a remote controlled motorcycle. The prankster is on a microphone speaking(I am not sure of the language) through the skeleton. He is well hidden so his victims are none the wiser. Watch as these people ,who happen to be walking past a cemetery, get the scare of their lives.




~Vale~

Top 11 Ways to Beat the Heat

News agencies around the country, especially the ones in the Southeastern U.S, will soon be running “spots” on how to handle the summer heat. As usual they grab some doctor from their busy practice to repeat the woes of summertime. And at the very end the physician says, “If you think you’re experiencing a heat emergency don’t hesitate to call 911.” Well guess what I am 911 and here are the top eleven ways to beat the summer heat.

11. Acclimatize yourself to the heat: Start out small with one minute during the hottest part of the day then increase your heat exposure to 5 minutes or greater. Living, working and driving in the air-conditioning makes us more prone to heat exhaustion because it lowers your temperature threshold.

10. Small meals in the heat please: If you think you can eat 2 pounds of food from a buffet and then walk around 90 degree weather heat you are sadly mistaken. It takes heat to process the food you have eaten. Heat plus heat equals…you guessed it someone vomiting on the sidewalk.


9. Electrolyte replacement works but water works best: If you prone to sweat like a fat man in a cake race then I would suggest Gatorade or Power Aide but water is king. Besides water is sugar-free, fat-free, and calorie-free plus your body loves it…even if you don’t.

8. Stay away from Sweet Tea, Soft Drinks, and Alcoholic Beverages during daylight hours: Personally there is nothing like a good cold glass of tea in the heat but that should never be the only thing you drink.

7. A wide-brimmed hat works wonders in the direct sunlight.

6. Keep check on the frequency and color of your urine: This is a standard question Medical Emergency professionals ask, “How many times have you used the bathroom today and what color was it?” Translated “Hey retard did you know that honey colored urine means you were low on water?”

5. Sunscreen, Sunscreen, and Sunscreen and did I mention Sunscreen: SPF 75 if they have such a thing.

4. Wear brightly colored loose clothing when outdoors: Reflects light, and creates airspace yada, yada, yada. It keeps you cool. There is no reason to have J-Lo tight jeans in 110 degree heat unless you are trying to bake a potato in your pocket. Come on.

3. Act like a child: Case in point if you ever watched children play outside in the heat, you know they are constantly in and out of the house, drinking water, cooling off and returning to play, take note.

2. Know the signs of heat exhaustion and heat stroke: Heat Exhaustion will make you dizzy, lightheaded, perspire like crazy and flushed in appearance. Heat Stroke will make you cold and clammy and have an increased core temperature and send you into a coma. Both are bad. Both can kill you. If you suspect either one is happening call 911. Remember that.

1. Keep an emergency re-hydration kit in your car and home: This should consist of a case of water, wide brimmed hats, spray bottles, cold packs, and towels. Because you never know when your power will go out or your car will break down.


~Vale~