Thursday, February 28, 2008

Filipino Prisoners Crank Dat Soulja Boy

Our tax dollars currently allow for inmate health care, education and personal fitness. I wonder if anyone would have a complete come apart if our prisoners performed a dance routine.


Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Barrel of Gas 67 Euros

Euros are slowly making the US Dollar look like Monopoly money. The exchange rate, as of this blog entry, was .66 cents of Euros for every 1 US dollar. This means that our dollar has become even weaker and the market is trading more and more of these ugly, but high priced, bank notes. If you look to the left side of this page you will see an Oil Price Widget and with it you can calculate what the Euro backed market is paying for a barrel of gas versus what the US is paying. But the scary thing is that for the Euro market to reach 100 Euros per barrel. Americans would be paying 150 dollars per barrel. Please feel free to visit The Apocalypse Papers to check oil prices I know I will.


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

When Dads Attack

Tears, prayer vigils and Amber Alerts have been avoided today. There will be no need to hold a press conference on the whereabouts of Frances Ramirez. This is because her father chased down the man who abducted his 4 year old…and got her back. Just when I think the world has lost its mind, I have to think again. If you have been reading The Apocalypse Papers then you will know I am pro Dad. I am pro kick-a-bastard-in-the-groin just before you shoot him or her if they happen to bother one of your kids. My attitude towards child offenders is justified and should be accepted widely. But there are some weaklings who believe the judicial system and law enforcement should handle all situations. But tell me, if you dare, would you spend the next 10 years in jail if it meant your children were protected and alive by your violent actions. I congratulate Robert Perez Rodriguez for doing what needed to be done.


Monday, February 25, 2008

Shootings, Shootings Everywhere

Calamity ensues when an idiot shows up on a college campus armed to the teeth and begins to lower the college population one gunshot victim at a time. There is no possible way to predict the next {insert education facility here} shooting. But is there a way to prevent the next shooting. Now the old adage goes, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” But in all honesty we can’t rightfully kill all the people that might be a threat to our personal safety. But we can severely limit their access to firearms. This is gun control plain and simple. I thought I would never write it but there it is in black and white.


Saturday, February 23, 2008

Portal Georgia

One Mega Millions ticket was sold in Portal Georgia, population a whopping 600 resident give or take a few, that is worth 270 MILLION dollars instantly creating a mega, MEGA millionaire. Now who ever has bought the winning ticket is in for a rush of a lifetime. There will parties, trips and untold luxury. There will be a spending like a drunken rapper in a closed mall. Am I mad at the winner? Am I dismayed that I did not win the Mega Millions? I will say with composure and dignity, no. Because I know what that sudden infusion of cash would do in to my life. I want to be a millionaire; I want to retire fiscally comfortable and able to travel the world with my wife. But I don’t want to be dipped in gorgeous millions so deep that I loose sights of the yellow and white lines in the road. And believe me lottery winners often do. So I applaud the winner of the lotto and celebrate my loss. But boy that Taylor Made-Ninja-Harley Bass catching airplane sure would have been nice.


Friday, February 22, 2008

Natasha Sizow

Imagine if you checked your son’s cell phone and found illicit pictures of his high school teacher. Being a responsible parent you check the sending number and voila those pictures come directly from her cell phone. That is what Natasha Sizow a Virginia school teacher has done. These pictures were sent to not one student, nay, these pictures were sent to several high school students. Really, what can boy children offer to a mature woman? I mean is there such a shortage of available men that this woman has to turn to boys for attention. There is a hearing set for April 2nd. The Apocalypse Papers will be following Natasha Sizow.


Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine's Day...SUCKS!

If I could go back in time I would summarily ruin the good name of all three St. Valentines so this infernal holiday would not exist. Let me tell you why. Valentine’s Day, as I understand it, is a day for lovers, romantics and couples. However this blogger is a consummate skeptic believing that Valentines Day is a philogynistic holiday bent on the destruction of men everywhere. Really now, flowers, candy, teddy bears and heart-shaped {insert item here}, are not meant for men. Where is our holiday? I get so tired of participating in a multi-billion dollar retail holiday only to receive a .99 cent card and a peck on the cheek. What in the hell?
Valentine’s Day is a holiday where pounds of chocolate are consumed by the blushing recipient only to reappear as cottage cheese on their thighs a week later. Guess who gets the blame? Oh no, it is not the chocolate vacuum cleaner, it is the purchaser of the vile, butt-spreading, candy. When the roses start to rot and the house smells like an old mortuary, guess who gets screamed at for not disposing of a hundred dollars worth of dead flowers. When the Mylar balloons become a source of squeaky helium voices or just hangs languidly from the ceiling, guess who has to throw yet another sign of their affection in the trash. And don’t make me mention the emotional “I love you because…” cards that disappear into that dark recess of a closet or trash.
Personally I feel that next year will be different for me. I will not scramble and wait in line. There will be no ordering flowers. There will be only a card that I made and a flower that I will pluck from the earliest of blooms and these should mean more than all the chocolate in the world. However if they don’t I guess I will be back in line. But I wont like it.


Monday, February 04, 2008

Best of Superbowl XLII Commercials

Ok, besides the New York Giants taking it by three to win Superbowl XLII, I laughed at these awesome commmercials. The Pepsi Max Nod Commercial, The Bridgestone Tire Commercial with the screaming animals, The Life Water Commercial with the dancing Lizards/geckos/salamanders amphibians thingies, which by the way have two other small videos and my favorite The Dorito Commercial. They are below enjoy!