Thursday, June 28, 2007

The Verdict is In

Don Siegleman and Richard Scrushy will not be able to read this blog entry. As you read this both of them have been remanded to the Montgomery County Jail awaiting assignment to a Federal Prison which could take up to 45 days. U.S. District Judge Mark Fuller sentenced Alabama’s former governor to 88 months and Richard Scrushy the founder of HealthSouth to 82 months. Their attorneys will have 10 days to file an appeal. The Siegleman and Scrushy sentences also include restitution, fines, community service, parole, family separation, and public disgrace. I watched the details unfold on WSFA and asked myself, “How many more are out there like that?”

Lord Acton’s famous words of wisdom, “All power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely” has validity beyond Acton’s foreseeable expectations. Politics itself is a favor based institution it always has been and forever shall be. There is a host of politicians that have fallen by the waist side (pardon the cliché) and there are many more just itching to be indicted. Politics itself is a host of a social disease called greed and it is highly communicable. Looking for an honest politician is like looking for the cure for cancer. The cure may be out there but we will catch immortal hell trying to find it. It is just that simple. Bribery is a way of life in politics and it shows when there are concessions made in an effort to appease one politician to sway his or her vote for the common good of the group. Yep that’s bribery.

I do not feel sorrow for these two men nor do I feel sorrow for their families. Both of these men are wealthy. Both of these men have absolutely nothing to loose but time. Their families will enjoy the life that they are accustomed to and will not miss a beat. But I wonder…I wonder when the first decision was made by either man to accept a less than legal gift, or when either man decided to pay someone off. I wonder if they felt remorse or got a thrill and I wonder what both are thinking at this very moment as they don orange jumpsuits and know they are over 6 and a half years away from their release.


Monday, June 25, 2007

Week One

I started my vegetarian trek one week ago today and let me tell you I have never felt better. I am not eating pork, beef, seafood or poultry but the most amazing thing is I don’t miss them either. During this week I learned that fiber does things to your bowels that is embarrassing even when you are by yourself and is extremely cleansing during that special time of the morning...yay fiber. I have learned to look closely at food products before buying to make sure they don't contain animal proteins. I learned that fast food restaurants actually stink of cold fryer vat grease, rotting vegetables and spoiled meat and that I could buy McDonald's for my niece and nephews without as much as craving French fries. I also found out that you can make a vegetarian meal out of rice, beans (with out the perfunctory pork strip) and sautéed mushroom and be completely satisfied. And to top it all off I have lost 5 pounds…amazing. For those who would like to try eating this way to for one day here is a menu courtesy of The Apocalypse Papers.


1 cup and half of bran cereal with half a cup of Soy Milk
I slice of whole wheat toast with teaspoon of peanut butter or jelly
1 Cup of coffee with non-dairy creamer and with/without artificial sweetener
1 Bottle of water


Two cups of green salad, with tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, banana peppers,
and olives (or fresh veggies of your choice)
(Trick: slice and season your tomatoes and cucumbers with salt, pepper and garlic powder before adding to salad)
One tablespoon of Catalina Dressing or Vinaigrette
Two shakes of Bacon Bits (The FAKE kind it will say no animal protein on the bottle)
One medium sized apple or piece of fresh fruit of choice.
Two bottles of water


Half a cup of nut of choice or peanut butter sandwich or small serving of Pringles Potato Chips or trail mix


One cup of rice without butter
One cup and half of canned or frozen beans cooked and seasoned to taste.
(Try this: sauté mushrooms until tender in olive oil add Dales seasoning Dales is already salty so be careful) Toss in a couple of onions just for a special effect. Combine all the above items.

Two bottles of water


Saturday, June 23, 2007

PLUPON:Math Game for Geniuses

Besides being highly addictive Plupon will make you have lost basic math skills and honestly the only thing you have to do is add three balls up to ten. (The trick is to not react to the slowness of the game.) Have fun!


Friday, June 22, 2007

Riverdance Rap

This is a viral video I am sure will have you laughing and linking to The Apocalypse Papers. Just press play and dance along.


Top Five Technologies to Watch

I am mystified at how technology is leaping forward every day. I watch as computers get faster and faster, cell phones get smaller and lighter (can you say choking hazard) and L.E.D lights take over traditional light bulbs. But nothing has amazed me more than the top five up and coming technologies listed below.

5.HHO Gas

In a nutshell this process is where distilled water is split into hydrogen and oxygen by using electrolysis. Then those gases are then used as a fuel source to generate a flame that is cool to the touch but will heat brass to the melting point in seconds.

4. Computer Storage Space:

Developers are in a race around the planet to develop larger storage devices in a smaller package thus making cell phones smaller as well as computers more powerful.

3.L.E.D. Lights:

It might sound strange to think of LED’s to be a technology to watch but remember there is such a thing as the, “Butterfly Effect” and besides blue light LED’s are shown to reduce acne.

2.Wave Energy:

As the planet gets warmer and sea levels rise there will be stronger and stronger waves as well as horrendous storms. You might as well make use out of the renewable and clean energy being released This technology is already being tested.

1.Hydrogen Based Fuels:

I think this technology is the number one for said reasons: A. Anything grown has to be cultivated and cultivation requires a tremendous amount of energy in the form of chemical enhancement and vast amounts of land so bio-fuels are ,in my opinion, a waste of time. B. Hydrogen exists all around us and any technology that includes its usage will go very far.


Thursday, June 21, 2007

Funniest Video To Date

Ok let me set this up for you. This video is of a fake skeleton sitting on a remote controlled motorcycle. The prankster is on a microphone speaking(I am not sure of the language) through the skeleton. He is well hidden so his victims are none the wiser. Watch as these people ,who happen to be walking past a cemetery, get the scare of their lives.


Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Top 11 Ways to Beat the Heat

News agencies around the country, especially the ones in the Southeastern U.S, will soon be running “spots” on how to handle the summer heat. As usual they grab some doctor from their busy practice to repeat the woes of summertime. And at the very end the physician says, “If you think you’re experiencing a heat emergency don’t hesitate to call 911.” Well guess what I am 911 and here are the top eleven ways to beat the summer heat.

11. Acclimatize yourself to the heat: Start out small with one minute during the hottest part of the day then increase your heat exposure to 5 minutes or greater. Living, working and driving in the air-conditioning makes us more prone to heat exhaustion because it lowers your temperature threshold.

10. Small meals in the heat please: If you think you can eat 2 pounds of food from a buffet and then walk around 90 degree weather heat you are sadly mistaken. It takes heat to process the food you have eaten. Heat plus heat equals…you guessed it someone vomiting on the sidewalk.

9. Electrolyte replacement works but water works best: If you prone to sweat like a fat man in a cake race then I would suggest Gatorade or Power Aide but water is king. Besides water is sugar-free, fat-free, and calorie-free plus your body loves it…even if you don’t.

8. Stay away from Sweet Tea, Soft Drinks, and Alcoholic Beverages during daylight hours: Personally there is nothing like a good cold glass of tea in the heat but that should never be the only thing you drink.

7. A wide-brimmed hat works wonders in the direct sunlight.

6. Keep check on the frequency and color of your urine: This is a standard question Medical Emergency professionals ask, “How many times have you used the bathroom today and what color was it?” Translated “Hey retard did you know that honey colored urine means you were low on water?

5. Sunscreen, Sunscreen, and Sunscreen and did I mention Sunscreen: SPF 75 if they have such a thing.

4. Wear brightly colored loose clothing when outdoors: Reflects light, and creates airspace yada, yada, yada. It keeps you cool. There is no reason to have J-Lo tight jeans in 110 degree heat unless you are trying to bake a potato in your pocket. Come on.

3. Act like a child: Case in point if you ever watched children play outside in the heat, you know they are constantly in and out of the house, drinking water, cooling off and returning to play, take note.

2. Know the signs of heat exhaustion and heat stroke: Heat Exhaustion will make you dizzy, lightheaded, perspire like crazy and flushed in appearance. Heat Stroke will make you cold and clammy and have an increased core temperature and send you into a coma. Both are bad. Both can kill you. If you suspect either one is happening call 911. Remember that.

1. Keep an emergency re-hydration kit in your car and home: This should consist of a case of water, wide brimmed hats, spray bottles, cold packs, and towels. Because you never know when your power will go out or your car will break down.


Monday, June 18, 2007

On Becoming Vegetarian

I have decided to try the Vegetarian lifestyle for one month. This decision is not a direct result of my compassion for tasty livestock. But it is due, in part, because of my health. Now I am the first one to light up a grille and throw thick steaks and succulent burgers onto the pyre of all things delicious. I admit it. But I figure if I wanted to lose a little weight and lower my cholesterol at the same time becoming a Vegetarian just might work. Ok, a month will not accomplish the above goals. But you really can tell if you are cut out for something in that amount of time.

Doing research for this blog entry my searches brought me to different Vegan websites. But what I was looking for were recipes for a meat/meat by-products free lifestyle. While surfing I found out that there are really some hardcore Vegans out there. Some of those people on those sites look as if they would hug a tree until they got splinters. I refuse to be that drastic. I don’t just want to eat fruit and lettuce like a rabbit at every meal either. And I don’t see myself drinking Wheat Grass juice and singing Kumbaya around a camp fire weeping loudly for Mother Earth. Hell No. All I want is a couple of do’s and don’ts for becoming a Vegetarian . It should be simple right?

While reading the Wikipedia entry on Vegetarianism I immediately became confused. There are different types of Vegetarians, imagine that. But it appears that a lot of the non-meat consumption can be broken into subsets and those subsets into further subsets. Some don’t eat meat. Some don’t eat berries. Some will eat only fish. Some will not wear silk or eat honey. These people are crazy. Some will strain their water to keep from drinking the water bugs. Some are making a political stand against the slaughter of delicious animals and their in humane treatment. What in the mother of all diets is going on? All I wanted is a simple answer to a simple question. Well I looked at this site and realized I had my work cut out for me.

Starting a Vegetarian diet is simple but there are meat land mines. Everywhere you turn there are animal proteins enhanced foods including those found in white cane sugar. I have decided however that I will stay away from all known animal proteins. Simply put if it can be bought in the meat section or knowingly contains meat or has dairy or eggs in it I will avoid it at all cost. I know this shot my plans for 4th of July out of the sky but I think it will be for the best. Just look for me I will be the one eating salad, fruit, and nuts at the nearest Bar Be Que.


Monday, June 11, 2007

Get Apple Safari HERE!

As you know I am big fan of Internet technology. And there comes a time where you just have to explore all the new things that are out there. Apple Safari is one of them. It is a stylized web browser from the people that have brought you the Mac, the I-Pod, I-Pod shuffle, I-Phone, and I-Tunes. But the kicker is that this version of Safari is for WINDOWS. It is proclaimed to be better than Mozilla's FireFox. I will continue testing it and keep you up dated. If you would like to test along with me just download it below.

Get Apple Safari Here


Sunday, June 10, 2007

10 Sure Fire Ebay Tips

It is no secret that Ebay has become the worlds flea market. If you can dream it then you can buy it on Ebay. But the trick is how to find what you are looking for and get it for the price you want.

1. When looking for your specific item make sure you have done your research FIRST. The seller knows the price so should you.

2. Look at the Sellers rating. This tid-bid of information can save you a whole lot of grief. The lower their score the less likely you will be satisfied with what they are auctioning off.

3. Misspell the name of your item. You would be surprised to know that many people make mistakes....costly mistakes. Then pounce like a tiger.

4. Pay attention to shipping and handling. Sometimes a seller will go incredibly low on their opening bid only to scorch you on the shipping and handling. If it isn't there on the listing send and email and ask.

5. Never ever place the item in your "My Ebay" to be watched. This tells the seller you are interested. Bad move sometimes, even though it is against Ebay Policy, people shill bid.

6. Pay attention to overseas listings. Remember that it takes a long time on overseas shipments. And the shipper will ship as cheap as possible.

7. Hold your feedback until you have received the item you have won. This keeps the seller honest. If is not what they say it is contact the seller and request a refund after all a bad remark hurts. It's called leverage.

8. If it looks too good to be is counterfeit. Look closely at the item you are bidding on. Ask questions and if you have to model numbers. Do your homework.

9. Look at your sellers history of selling items. It will tell you allot about their expertise.

10. Last but not least bid responsibly. Sometimes having that 1970's issue of Mad Magazine is just not worth it.


Saturday, June 09, 2007

Vault Energy Drink Commercial

I laugh each time I watch this.Enjoy!


Friday, June 08, 2007

Paris Hilton Goes Back to Jail

I am not indifferent about what happened to Paris Hilton. I am glad she went back to jail and let me tell you why. There has to be one dissenting voice that speaks common sense and that voice happens to belong to the sentencing judge. Seeing Paris crying in handcuffs was a fitting end to what could have been a travesty of justice. She will have to serve 45 days in a jail cell where she will do the time of a probation violator. Then when she is done she can go home to her slice of heaven without having lost a job, a car, or her residence.


Paris Hilton Goes Free

I think America has been done a great injustice. I think there was a collective gasp when Paris Hilton went home after only three days in Jail. I think that every law enforcement officer, police chief, prosecutor, and presiding Judge, in our great United States is grinding their teeth…right about now knowing that money can buy you freedom, especially in California. The mere fact that Paris Hilton is being allowed to serve her sentence under house arrest, because of medical reasons, is an injustice to every person who has suffered and is suffering behind bars with far more serious ailments (remember Paris is going home and not to the hospital). I sat stunned watching CNN as the anorexic princess was brought home to her castle to wear an ankle bracelet and serve out her time. Let’s recap shall we? Paris missed her court date not once, but twice, lied and blamed it on her publisher, cried like a 3 year old because of the sentence given, she showed up to jail early, became ill (supposedly) and then went home after serving three days on a 90 day, reduced to 45 days, reduced to 23 days, to her lap of luxury.

The Californian legal system has a broken cog. I feel this cog was obliterated by the famous, the greedy and the influential. In my opinion celebrities have an access road around the Californian legal system and they know how to exploit it. There is no way is a purple-colored hell that you the average citizens would be able to do what Paris has done. In my home state of Alabama if we were pulled over and the officer found out we had a failure to appear warrant, we would have been arrested, held to our court date, fined, sentenced, and thrown summarily into our local jail.

As a new Paramedic I once responded to a jail where a prisoner was violently ill. He was so sick that if on the outside we would run lights and siren to the hospital. But the jailers were indifferent almost casual about this particular prisoner’s plight. Their exact words were, “He is still not going home.” There response stunned me. But after years of having worked on the streets I know that prisoners have rights but they are still prisoners. They still have to pay their dues. In my opinion Paris was never a prisoner…stay tuned.


Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Create the Perfect Fictional Character

Have you ever wondered the process behind realistic characters a writer creates? A person you would actually love to meet or would tremble in their very presence? The truth is fictional characters are more than figments of the writer’s juicy imagination. These characters are a compilation of multiple attributes blended together perfectly after trial and error. Do you remember the paper dolls you used to cut out as a kid? Well if not PLAY ALONG! Let this doll represent, a one dimensional character ,the kind of character that seems to weave itself around plot lines while dragging short stories to the rejection pile. This doll has no voice, no stylized presence. It just sits and does nothing. However if we start with some basics our character will seemingly come alive.

The rudimentary attributes, or level one as I call them, any writer should start with are: Gender, age, height, weight, hair color, eye color, race and skin color. However you should realize that race and skin color are two different things. Race is the cultural group that you effectively belong to and skin color defines the strength or lack of melatonin in your skin. One dictates how your character makes choices based on their cultural upbringing, one determines how your character is seen by the reader.

The second level, or the socioeconomic background of your character, is the true heart and essence of your character. The more specific you are the more your character becomes its own person and less of you! You should have at least the top ten second level attributes: Level of education, current income, religious background, Parental background (single parent vs. married), siblings, brood number( single child, middle child or youngest) criminal back ground, sexual orientation, Marriage status, Political affiliation. You could also include things like medical history, drug allergies or phobias but only if they are relevant to your story i.e., a fear of oceans that prevents your character from rescuing a loved one from a rip tide.

The last level or the voice level is something even I have a problem with time to time. It is hard to capture the deep twang of a Texan’s speech when you are used to hearing people from Brooklyn speak. It is also hard to capture the pattern of a person’s speech. Not everyone speaks in complete sentences or whole words. What really helps is to find a quiet spot in a mall or a restaurant (note try not to look so conspicuous it’s that whole homeland security thing) and with a pen and pad write down words and phrases you hear. For instance I constantly hear the phrase, “Do you know what I mean?” being shortened to, “Naah Meeen” or “What is up?” to “Sup.” With this level it is appropriate to add oddities or idiosyncrasies to the way your character speaks. This only adds flavor. Like the person who whistles when they talk or constantly click their teeth. Have fun when building your character who knows you might become the next best thing.


Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Cyclone Gonu

Now if it wasn't enough that our gas prices were high already here comes

Cyclone Gonu

headed towards oil rich Oman WHAT ARE THE ODDS that our gas will be 5 dollars a gallon by the end of summer?


On Waking Up

Recently a Polish man awoke from a coma that lasted an incredible 19 years. Can you imagine what he is thinking right now? Can you even fathom what is going through his head as he is told about the years he has slept through? The words HDTV, Broadband, Digital, Bird-Flu, Euros, Hackers, PDA’s, Global Warming, insurgents and 9-11 are all thrown at him. So much so it could send him into another coma. It will take about a year to explain to him how Perestroika melted the iron wall and murdered the Soviet Bear. And it will take at least two years for him to catch up with one season of American Idol.

Now imagine if you fell to a coma, on March 19 2003, the day before the war started in Iraq and suddenly awoke today? How would you handle the news that our country, the world’s greatest country, is getting our asses smacked once again, as if Vietnam wasn’t enough? Just think, on that fateful March day, you were full of hope and aspiration for our country and upon waking up today you found out we succeeded in toppling and executing Saddam only to find out why he had to be an evil bastard. You become tragically familiar with words like Abu Ghraib, IED, Al Anbar Province, Sadar City, Mahdi Army, Dragon Skin, Shiite and Sunni. You awoke to find that Hurricane Katrina, in a single curtsy and swish of her bustle, changed the demographics of New Orleans in 2 hours flat. You woke up to find out that our government has turned it's back on legal, taxpaying, citizens in favor of amnesty for illegal workers. That sudden shock, to know that things have taken a turn for the worse, would make you look for a second coma…hell I know I would.

But what happens when you, who have been sleeping, finally woke up in the figurative sense? By waking up I mean the smoke was blown into your rectal vault has dissipated and you are able to make a credible, intelligent, and informed decision based on learned facts. How would you feel? Can you believe that there are people out there that make render any decision unless it is based along political party lines? Can you believe there are people who don’t believe global warming is real even though Florida is on fire or that our first tropical event was named Andrea on May 9th? Well if you are still sleeping and refuse to hear the facts fine. Remember the high price of gas is due in part of terrorist and unpatriotic Americans, not because of your new Hummer. Remember 150,000 troops can strategically run a country of antiquity on sheer firepower without violent retribution. And lastly, remember, it is better to have a cheap, beautiful, landscape than lower taxes, cheaper health insurance, or 700 miles of border fence.


Monday, June 04, 2007

How to Search the Internet

Cyberspace has become as immense as the universe that surrounds our tiny blue planet. So finding exactly what you are looking for can be down right frustrating but this blog entry will teach you how to search the Internet with ease.

First, you need a reliable search engine because if you start with junk you more than likely will end up with junk. I recommend the almighty Google but you can use Yahoo, AfterVote or Alexa if you wish. Second, you need to understand exactly WHAT you are trying to find. There are billions of websites that contain information on just about any subject known to man be as specific as possible. Now we could go into the different types of search questions and methods but that would get boring really fast. Or we can do it the Apocalypse Papers way, which I feel is a gentler more humane method, because it doesn’t waste precious brain cells. Let’s get started.

I could tell you about Boolean searches, string searches algorithms, and keyword searches, but that would bore you to click away. However search like a pro and find exactly what you are looking for in a flash by using concise search terms. Remember the Internet is designed and maintained by really smart people that believe that there is beauty in simplicity and that Star Trek was the most awesome show ever created. So when searching:

Instead of: The actor that appeared on the “Man from Atlantis” (I am showing my age I know)

Try: Cast of Man from Atlantis (no quotes)

Instead of: What is the name of the white cheese dip they serve at Mexican Restaurants?

Try: White cheese dip Mexican Restaurant recipe

If you want a commercial by Ronco then ask by the name of the commercial. If you are looking for a song then ask for the name of the song however if you don’t know the name but know some of the lyrics just type those in the search box (believe me that actually works!) If you are looking to solve certain equations in math, believe it or not, Google has that function. So if you want to surf like a pro you have to think like one. Think brief, think accurate and think simple.