Saturday, December 29, 2007

Poor, Poor,Tiger

I have had enough of the so-called tiger tragedy. The beautiful orange carnivore has been splashed across the screen like the animal member of Al Qaeda. There have been debates and finger pointing for the 12 foot fence being 4 feet too short. There have been news conferences and the repeated clips of the Paramedics placing an injured man on a yellow spine board. And the only thing I could say was, “Man, that was one pissed off kitty.” Just imagine, day in and day out people strolling past your man-made habitat and you can do nothing but watch. You know as a tiger you will never be able to chase an antelope, terrorize a village or cover your face in the blood of a fresh water buffalo kill. Your caretakers slip Mickies into your food and shoot you with tranquilizer darts so they can probe your recesses and clean your cage. And finally one day after listening to senseless chatter of zoo patrons, you had enough. Enough of the fat kids sipping on drinks walking so slow past your cage you could almost smell their meat. Enough of the people roaring and pointing towards you, taunting you, teasing you, getting on your last single feline nerve…until one day. Someone had to pay. The cage never really could hold you in.
Simply put, the tiger was killed for being a tiger. And the lesson learned is don’t anger the tigers, lions and…bears (can I get an Oh My!).I don’t have any sympathy for the teenager who was summarily dispatched by the 350 pound feline. That is what happens to stupid people. Somehow society needs to cry over people who accidentally shot the top of their heads off, drive drunk and then crash into bridges going in excess of 100 miles per hour, and tease tigers. You may call those tragedies but I call it thinning the heard. Bah. I feel there should be a stupid alert that goes out on the radio, “Attention, we have a car playing chicken with a train who wants to take bets the train will win?” Now if a Siberian Tiger suddenly showed up in my living room I would have a problem. Society should really put things into perspective.


Thursday, December 27, 2007

Holiday Discourses

During the holiday I have figured out that Christmas of my childhood was murdered and resurrected into a swollen, putrid retail holiday of gift giving and over consumption of mass quantities. The entire celebration (in my humble opinion) has lost its meaning of heralding the arrival of the Christ child. Instead, ole’ Saint Nick, decked out in a crushed red velvet pimp suit complete with hat and white beard and square belt buckle, is now the corporate backed and legally sanctioned holiday icon/anti-savior of choice. This is the last year I worship at the cash register in his jolly name. The reason for the season has been replaced by packed malls, road rage, and pissed off parents who waited to late to buy the newest electronic babysitter. Furthermore, courtrooms have taken the Christ out of Christmas and replaced it with the separation of church and state in a country founded on Christianity. And honestly, who in the hell let Kwanzaa on the calendar?

Well, Benazir Bhutto is has been eliminated and if you, the reader, did not see that one coming you have to be blazingly blind, innocuous to your surroundings or you are so brain-washed you think we really are winning the war on terror. There was no way Ms. Bhutto was ever going to topple Pervez Musharraf in a forced election. President Musharraf holds the reins on a nuclear capable country, knows the terrorist personally and was (and still is) in control of that country’s powerful military. Now honestly, who do you think had enough power to get that bomber close enough to assassinate Ms. Bhutto’s bodyguards while she herself died from gunshot wounds?

The Iowa Caucus is right around the corner and I am no political genius but I know one thing. I am sure that the Republicans don’t have a yeast rolls chance in a fat man’s pocket if they think they are going back into the White House. There are candidates on both sides of the political fence that would make excellent presidents. On the left is Obama, a political stem-cell who is able to assume any form because he has no past record and on the right Huckabee a friendly-faced republican who does not scare me like Herr Romeny. However, the field is really not Republican against Democrat, it is Obama against Hillary. Sorry Huckabee.

The Senate just passed a 555 billion dollar budget with 70 billion going towards continuing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. How long does 70 billion last when powering the American war machine? I did some fancy ciphering and I came up with 395 days. And as of this blog entry our President only has 389 days left so this number sounds about right. 395 days is based on the possibility that the war is costing the US 177 million dollars a day based on an old USAToday article. I can live with 395, but what will happen when it comes time to refinance is anyone’s guess.


Friday, November 30, 2007

Weirdest Video...


Ok, now I have seen it all. After 20 years in the medical field, I have finally found a patient that made my skin crawl. I don't want to explain. Just Watch!


Monday, November 26, 2007

Hathaway and Nat King Cole

It's official, the Christmas season is in full swing. Enjoy!


Monday, November 19, 2007

Texas Castle Defense Law

I have been watching events unfold on television where a Texan has shot two intruders who were trying to break into his neighbor’s home. This neighbor was armed with a shotgun, gave the 911 dispatcher fair warning he was going to act and then he did. Two men are now dead. And honestly, I would have done the same thing. Now for those people who cower behind Law Enforcement remember there is a Castle Doctrine in Texas. This law allows for the protection of ones property, family, home, and business through deadly force. In Texas this law covers protected areas also. Now, if your neighbor’s home was being robbed would you (the reader) have the courage to protect his or her property? And yes there is a castle defense doctrine in Alabama I covered it in this link. Through this brave neighbors action a legal precedent is about to be set. Stay Tuned.


Friday, November 16, 2007

Temptations-I Can’t Get Next To You

I love the Temps, don’t you?


Hank Arron

On April 8, 1974 I was a big 4 going on an even bigger 5. That day could have been as innocuous as lets say March 2, 1982. But what made that April 8th awesome was the fact Hank Arron broke Babe Ruth’s record. An Alabamian broke the longstanding record. I was shocked to see my mild mannered grand father laugh and jump for joy like he broke the record himself. I didn’t understand what the hype was all about but 34 years later I understand…I understand.
Hank Arron will always be the first to break Babes record. He will remain the all time home run king in my book. Barry Bonds on the other hand achieved a goal by surpassing Hank but he did it on juice, plain and simple. The media storm that surrounded Hank Arron never doubted his natural ability, modesty and love for the game. The media storm that surrounds Barry Bonds is ensuring his new set record becomes a minuscule footnote in baseball history.
I believe however, that Bonds was setup and in my book that was wrong. I believe the investigators and prosecutors should have issued indictments before that fateful game, regardless of how bad the owners and fans wanted Barry break the record. You just don’t build a case against someone and let it marinade until the hype has died down. That to me is just retarded and it appears retardation is contagious.


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Suicide by Police

Police officers are not infallible people. They are subjected to the same vices, jealousy, pain and as of late even murder. And with each officer being the living embodiment of the communal law we have enacted, they are subjected scrutiny and the heat of microscopes because of their daily actions. I am not a police officer and I wouldn’t dare become one because of the aforementioned statement. Reading an article about 18 year old Khiel Coppin male getting shot and killed because he was holding a brush has really upset me. Not because the police responding to the domestic dispute shot and killed an unarmed man but because the unarmed man was holding a brush threatening the officers and ignoring their commands. Let’s look at this shall we? If you had a job where there was a possibility that you could be killed with each call you made, would you, the reader, be on edge? If you had the opportunity to prevent your murder by shooting first-would you? If you answered no, click away from this blog. But if you answered yes, then you understand what happened to that kid holding the brush. I don’t see it as a white cop versus black kid deal however it will be perceived that way. But I do see it as suicide by police and it is not all to uncommon.


Saturday, November 10, 2007

The Weeks Discourses

Driving into work this morning I realized that the price of gas has exceeded the height of giraffe’s warm, reproductive organs. I can imagine that Shell, BP, Amoco, and any other oil company I haven’t named are jumping for joy because people are still commuting. People are still working , living and no one is spitting venom at the oil companies-at least not publicly. And there are some people that are saying we are headed to 4 dollars a gallon. I think a motorcycle might be in order soon or a horse.

Former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto returned to Pakistan and her mere presence is causing civil unrest and protest against President Pervez Musharraf. She was placed under house arrest and then set free to room her compound (compound arrest). However, I believe Pakistan’s unrest is part of the democratic process and President Musharraf is caught holding the bag. If he wasn’t holding the bag, Ms. Bhutto would probably already be in one…ahem. But since the whole world is watching including Al Qaeda, Osama and a host of nervous Muslim leaders, Pakistan’s President/Dictator hands are tied with barbed wire. Just remember Musharraf's country is nuclear capable and if there is no stable government, the bomb could fall in the wrong American-hating hands. Stay tuned.

OJ is finally going to be paid back for killing his wife or actually that is what the public wanted. I don’t understand this obsession with an aging Heisman Trophy winner and his memories. Ok, he walked in a room and demanded his stuff back at gun point; he is facing life for this. Life. A football player with bad nerves and swollen knees is facing life. And if you know about a crime before it occurs and you do nothing to stop it doesn’t that make you a conspirator? Someone tell the FBI that.

If Chinese made toys are covered in lead paint and some could metabolize into the, ”Date Rape Drug” GHB if swallowed, why hasn’t America grumbled furiously and said, “Thanks but no thanks” and ceased all toy imports from China. Is it because of the upcoming holiday season? Is it because China has us by the red, white and blue balls? Is it because China there is so much outsourced business in China they could wreck us economically? Why is it that the health of our children means absolutely nothing to the outgoing Whitehouse administration? If you think I am over reaching, say SCHIP, and say it loudly.

NBC has a program called, “To Catch a Predator.” But the only species they are catching are men. I think that this program is a good thing. I think that NBC should link with America’s Most Wanted and combine to become a mega predator show. However it seems that perverse men are not the only ones who are copulating with underage kids. It seems like the American justice system over looks and downplays the perverse women who molest boys and girls alike. Why the difference? The latest teacher, who ran with her child-lover, left him in Mexico where he can’t return. Because he is an illegal alien who is has now been separated from his family. I wonder if she did that on purpose. Think about it no child, no crime.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Somewhere Out There…

…aliens are laughing their little green buttocks off. This is not to say that their buttocks couldn’t be magenta, or chartreuse or some color we couldn’t wrap our tiny minds around, that is to say, if they even had buttocks at all. The sole reason they are rolling around in their spaceships, snortaling, pointing at their vidscreens, giving each other high fives, or high ones or high claw thingies, is because they will inherit a planet devoid of humans, but full of resources, in the time it takes for them to return home, report their findings, gather an armada of their own colonist and return.
I say that these species of whatevers are counting on the fact that the Earth, formerly know as Human land, will eventually reach its maximum viral load of human bipeds and eventually start anti-biped therapy (earthquakes, hurricanes, and drought). This therapy will be enhanced by the human bipeds accidentally creating drug resistant diseases as a direct result of their own medial mismanagement, in addition to their insatiable thirst for warfare.
I say that these highly intelligent beings know that if the planetary atmosphere is poisoned long enough those living beneath the atmosphere will perish. They know that the Being that advocates peace, love and harmony…does not need five dollars in a collection plate on Sunday nor does the Being command guided cruise missiles to strike their infidel/terrorist targets with extreme prejudice. They know that two male species of plants, side by side will eventually die without spawning another of its kind. They know that warehouses for dangerous bipeds are the result of poor leadership during the instructional phase of life. They know that population control is not only for the poorest of the human biped species but is essential to maintain the homeostasis of the planet. So somewhere in the vastness of space are these creatures who are throwing confetti, popping balloons and taking bets on how many cars will it take to fill the Grand Canyon.


Saturday, October 27, 2007

Global Warming II

I am no climatologist, I have not studied the effects of the loss of one Elm tree on the earths overall climate, but I do listen to those who do. And what unnerves me is that if the leading global scientists are screaming that the planet is getting hotter yearly and this heat is melting the polar caps why aren’t we all walking? I mean, seriously. Everyday there is a conference, a journalistic paper, a study, that rings a serious alarm and it seems to fall on deaf ears. The alarm that Britney Spears had lost her kids made front page, the alarm that OJ carried out an armed robbery to retrieve football memorabilia made front page for a week, but the alarm that the earths entire species, including humans, may be heading towards a 6th mass global extinction, it occupies the same page as those Ponzi schemes in the local supermarket tabloid. Remember, the Kryptonians ignored the warnings on Superman’s home world of Krypton and we all know what happened there.
What I understand about our society is that if there isn’t an immediate visible impact, the problem doesn’t exist. Just because the Statue of Liberty's torch isn’t only thing visible above water, no one is concerned. Yeah,there is the green movement and the carbon footprint movement, but really where is the hardcore decision making to outlaw H1’s H2’s and H3’s. Where is the hardcore decision making to change the way our country uses fossil fuel and fossil fuel by-products. I guess those decisions wont come until the island of Florida and the underwater City of New Orleans asks for Federal assistance. I guess when there is no water for Atlanta and that city becomes a festering nightmare of thirsty and musty people will anything be done.


Saturday, September 29, 2007

WHAT IN THE...!!!!

The internet never fails to amaze me. Watch this video. I was totally floored when it was done.


Thursday, September 20, 2007

Jena 6

After all the hoopla about these 6 young Black men (Jena 6) I wanted to know more. So I found this video on YouTube that explains what happened. You can also visit this site for more information.


Man Wakes Up During His Own Autopsy

There are just somethings you just have to read for yourself. Here is a link to the article.


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

About The Apocalypse Papers

Writing a blog everyday is a task. If you are updating two to three times a day it is a daunting task. However my blog, “The Apocalypse Papers”, has been a living experiment. A sort of ADD styled commentary that bounces from topic to topic. The method to my madness lies in the fact that I hadn’t picked a genre for this blog. Most blog listings have TAP listed as a commentary styled blog. I agree and disagree. I believe that I have plenty of commentaries posted but I also have some really awesome, “How to” segments, a couple of good postings about writing and plenty of videos. So until I get settled into a niche I will write and write and write on anything and everything.


Monday, September 17, 2007


Incredulous, embarrassing and down right mind boggling that OJ at 60 years of age is being held without bail on an armed robbery charge. It is alleged (I use that term because he hasn't been found guilty) that he broke into a Las Vegas hotel room in an attempt to recover items for sale by sport collectors. After all OJ has gone through he should be oblivious to collectors selling old memories, knowing full well he couldn't profit on the sale of the items anyway. In 1995 when he was found innocent of the crime of Murder, he was not found innocent of the crime of murder. Cultural divides along the lines of race found him innocent in the eyes of Black community and guilty in the eyes of White community. But one thing is for certain he was found innocent in a trial that made superstars out of Cochran's law firm and fools out of the prosecution, with OJ's very existence being scrutinized in the middle.

Now what still perplexes me is how he was found innocent of a criminal charge only to be found guilty of the same crime in civil court. Every time I think about it I get a migraine. The civil award equates to, “The jury said you didn't do it but you will have to pay like you did.” Personally I didn't care if OJ was found innocent or guilty. I knew he had enough money to create a reasonable doubt. I knew if I were charged with the same crime, with the same evidence, I would already have black and white tattoos creeping up my arms , a prison moniker like, “Slasher” or “Knifer and 12 years on a life sentence bid if I wasn't waiting for my day on the bed of no return. Honestly I think OJ has had enough. If an elderly Running Back, which by the way is hated by most of America based solely on public opinion, snaps in a hotel room I would take that as a ominous sign of things to come.


Thursday, September 13, 2007

Ron Mueck: Today’s Michelangelo

Just when I thought I had seen everything, I am once more betrayed by my eyes. Below is a video that I found on YouTube. It is astonishing that there are people this talented in the world. Enjoy.


Five Shareware Must Haves

Keeping up with the constant influx of computer programs can be nerve racking. But if you know where to look those nerve racking programs can also be free. So I have listed the top Five Shareware Programs Must Haves.

5. Mozilla Sunbird. If you have a laptop and need to have your schedule handy at all times this program is for you. It is easy to download and set up anyway you choose.

4. Open Office. Lets face it, if you walk into Best Buy or Office Depot right now, you could find a copy of Microsoft Office 2007 for over 400 dollars. However if you want a program that does the same thing and is free, Open Office is for you.

3. iGoogle. Google, the mother of all things Internet, has a fully integrated system of bells and whistles that you can use at your leisure. There are too many things name here but Google is free also.

2. Tiny Spell. If you are an avid writer of emails or a frequent blogger this small unobtrusive program is for you. Just download and it will chime and change colors when you have misspelled a word.

1. Linux Knoppix. Did you know that you don’t have to run Microsoft Windows on your computer. Here is a free operating system. Just before you download this read the manual…please.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Find Cheap Computers Here!

If you are like me you want...excuse me...need a good deal on computers and computer accessories. This need made me do a search of epic proportions. Well more like an hour, but hey for the Internet that is almost like a lifetime. As a computer guy I know that the average person doesn't understand what they are looking for when purchasing a computer. So here are a couple of quick tips:

1.Do your homework. You do not need a two thousand dollar computer to play solitaire or check your email.
2.Mismatched computers are ok. If you have a black monitor with a beige tower who cares.
3.Box stores have an insane mark-up on their computers.
4.You can buy computers without the monitors, keyboards, or operating systems.
5.Never ever buy a computer when you need it.
6.Yes, you can get a good computer under 500 dollars.

Here are a couple of sites where you can buy refurbished computers at incredibly low prices. Why refurbished you ask? Well every computer right out of the box is already outdated. Believe it or not. So why pay full price for something that is already old.

If you want a Dell System here is their outlet
If you want a HP System here is their refurbish site
If you want systems under 300 dollars Tiger Direct is where you should look.

Good luck.


My 100th Post!!!

I did not know how hard it was to be a committed blogger until I started, “The Apocalypse Papers” last May. When I first placed character to blank Microsoft Word document, I had no clue what was in store for me and curiously over the life of this web-log, I have made some pretty dramatic life changes . My very first post entitled, “Signs of the Times” was my warning shot into the abyss of rants and rambles of online bloggers. I thought it was pretty good, but I got zero comments. Ha. What a first post. I was proud of my entry and directed it to anyone who had a computer and online access. Such naivety. So here are the top 20 things I have learned during my first 100 post.

20. There are bloggers with much larger vocabularies than my own.

19. Online readers need consistency with blog postings.

18. If you plan to make money online it is best to use eBay.

17. SEO Optimization works wonders

16. Commenting on others blogs will bring plenty of readers but not many subscribers.

15. FeedBurner is awesome…and I do mean awesome.

14. Never ever stray from your subject matter.

13. Use pictures, video, and games because text all the time will bore your visitors.

12. Always document where you got your pictures from or take your own.

11. Leave the artsy, speculative, and whiny blogs to those artsy, speculative and whiny bloggers.

10. People love to laugh but they surely don’t want to cry. Crying is bad.

09. Changing topics can sometimes throw your audience around.

08. Having a picture that shocks visitors is always good but document your source.

07. Limit your blog entries to 500 words or less.

06. Link, link and link again.

05. John Chow is my hero.

04. Learn how to use Blogger and WordPress.

03. Blog entries done in mean spirit will come back to haunt you.

02. Limiting web add-ons to your blog you will increase the load time.

01. Making money is great. But making sense is better.


Friday, September 07, 2007

Art Blakey & The Jazz Messengers-Blues March

I have to admit I am a huge Jazz fan. So it was only fitting that I post one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artist...Art Blakey. Enjoy!

P.S He would be the one playing the drums.


Wednesday, September 05, 2007

First Professional Contract

Being paid to do what you love is so hard to do. So when I got my first professional contract as a medical writer, frankly, I was stunned to my underwear. The reason for my astonishment was not because I didn’t think I had the skills to write. It was because an editor perched high upon an ivory tower thought the same thing. Now that is not to say that I didn’t receive praise from family members and friends (here comes the conjunction) BUT they don’t count…WAIT before you think I have become an ingrate. Remember this…family and friends will lull you into a false sense of stardom, having you believe that you are the illegitimate child of Stephen King. This well meaning, but corruptible, praise is the equivalent of a mother’s love for a hideous child. And painful, truthful opinions are what you need when writing. Lots and lot of painful opinions that rip through your ego and make you bleed through your edits over and over again. It is through that professional punishment you find the way to success.


Monday, August 27, 2007

Attorney General's Resignation

The Empire that invaded Iraq, suffered our men and women of the armed forces to roadside bombs, tour extensions and terrible V.A care is disintegrating before our very eyes. With the recent resignations of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, Karl Rove and Tony Snow, it is apparent that high level staff members are distancing themselves from the lame duck president before they get bird flu. The primary thought on everyone’s mind is the mess that we, yes we, have gotten ourselves into in Iraq. And it is this mess, in my opinion, that has led to resignations and plenty of everyday conservatives scraping the pretentious black and white “Dubya” off of their gas guzzling vehicles. One should not be so shallow as to think that the Dems had anything to do with his voluntary resignation. The Attorney General’s resignation probably came on the heels of actionable intelligence that the sky was falling and it was time to move out the way.


Friday, August 17, 2007


Occasionally, I stumble across a video on the internet that piques my interest and challenges my ability to maintain a straight face and oh yeah...

if you laugh you are going straight to hell.


Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Hurricane Dean

Since tropical depression number 4 has shed his number and evolved into a tropical storm Dean, it is safe to say he will further evolve into Hurricane Dean. The bathtub warm water of the Gulf will make this very possible. I try hard not to be the manic harbinger of doom, but after the tremendous devastation I’ve personally witnessed along the Gulf Coast I felt that a hurricane survival strategy should be made ready now and not when Hurricane Dean is making landfall. So here are some helpful tips:

1. Plan your escape route from the storm.

2. Keep a full tank of gas, a working spare, a usable jack, radiator fluid and motor oil.

3. Have waterproof tarps, duct tape and trash bags on the ready.

4. Find a cheap battery powered radio. Most local radio stations give updates as to storm direction, road closures, detours, as well as shelter information. Not bad for a cheap radio huh?

5. Have non-perishable foods and food that can be eaten cold i.e., Vienna Sausages, mixed vegetables, Spam, beef jerky, granola bars (caution granola will cause o ring blow-out if you don’t drink enough water), energy bars, as well as sweets.

6. Make sure you have 12 bottles of 16oz or 20oz of water per person for at least 3 days.

7. Hand sanitizer, spray disinfectant and baby wipes…lots and lots of baby wipes.

8. Protect your important documents, waterproof your picture albums, and back up all your computer files on discs.

9. Know that the call to evacuate is not a drill. Your promptness to react or lack thereof will be the difference between a cot in a shelter or a slab in the morgue.

10. Keep copies of your prescriptions, important addresses, personal identification and make sure you purchase a calling card (cell phone networks can be overloaded).


Sunday, July 22, 2007

Ten Marriage Codes of Conduct

I feel that marriage is an antiquated institution that has lost all meaning to our society. Being married used to be the first step after maturing as an adult and the step next to death. But in my opinion it has become a bus stop to frequent travelers. The pomp and circumstance of being a Bride has overtaken the true essence of becoming a wife. JUST as being a Groom has overtaken the true essence of being a husband. And in my opinion there should be a handbook, short course, test and lab before being issued a marriage certificate. This thought process may come as comedy to some and scathing cynicism to others but I don’t care.

If you look at the wedding announcements in any U.S newspaper you will see lots of photos of the smiling faces of Brides, amidst the gentle grimaces of the Grooms. This highly pretentious announcement should come with a score in the upper right hand corner of their photo. This score should dictate their direct understanding and passing of the Marriage Codes of Conduct. If it is a low score the guest should give only congratulatory cards with five dollar gift certificates. If it is a high score the guest should give to their hearts delight. If you are laughing, laugh at this…how many weddings have you attended where the marriage didn’t last as long as the flavor in a piece of Peppermint Gum? Seriously.

Having personally survived a divorce I went on a quest to understand what it took to make a marriage last. While transporting and interacting with literally hundreds of elderly couples I asked numerous questions. I wanted to see where I went wrong.Yes, I was wrong...some of the time.Some of their responses were prophetic and some of them were pathetic but the truth remained they were in relationships of longevity. The elder couples had almost an identical core of ethics that keep them together. I prefer to call them the Marriage Codes of Conduct. Ten of them are listed below:

10. Don’t mess with the money. I was told that addicts of any kind will obliterate a marriage.

9. There is no such thing as, “Yours and Mine” there is only, “Ours.” One elderly woman said she was going to flatten her husband’s tires after his long night out with the boys, only to realize SHE would have to pay for them.

8. Think like a couple. I was told that newly married people mistakenly think in the plural instead of the singular.

7. You cannot blame 100 percent of a marriage’s mistakes on 50 percent of the relationship.

6. Single friends give bad advice. They are single for a reason.

5. Divorced friends give even worse advice. They are divorced for a reason.

4. Ex-wives, ex-husbands, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, should under no circumstance provide: a soft shoulder, a listening ear, a word of wisdom, a place to visit or a nod of approval. They are an EX for a reason.

3. Marriages make children, children do not make marriages.

2. Love is one of the jewels of the relationship, not the ring. This surprised the complete hell out of me when a wife of 40 years said, “There were years I didn’t love my husband.”

1. Trust is essential, respect is essential but responsibility is of utmost importance.

In a lot of my conversations I found out that the older couples wanted their marriage to last. I found out that most of the couples felt if your potential spouse was horrible before the wedding they will be horrible afterwards, with a legally binding agreement. In my efforts I found out that the key to an extended marriage is the direct result of knowing WHO you are going to marry an accepting him or her and NOT hoping that through marriage they will change.


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Carefree Diet

Today marks one full month since I began my vegetarian lifestyle. I refuse to call eating only nuts, fruits and vegetables a, “diet” per se, so the term, “lifestyle” will have to do. There are several things that I have learned during this month. For one avoiding meat also means items that are associated with meat(meat flavored vegetables included). Take for instance it is unnecessary to use honey mustard dipping sauce or Ranch if you are not eating chicken strips, Heinz 57 Steak Sauce does not taste good on rice and mayo takes on a porno-esque quality if you are not eating a ham sandwich. So by avoiding those meats I inadvertently eliminated a tremendous amount of sugar and fat. The word of importance is inadvertently.

During this month I have also realized that when one has a moment of meat weakness. One pays for it in the form of a bellyache and scalding flatulence that would kill a blind goat. That said flatulence will also wake you from your nightly slumber. I have realized that eating fruits and vegetables chock full of fiber my colon stays clean…believe me there is no way to stop the cleansing process. When it is time to go you are almost too late.

But seriously, I have lost close to 18 pounds and the strange thing is that the cellulites that used to surround my man legs have disappeared. I feel lighter because I have purged the dense animal muscle and fat from my colon. I have noticed my face isn’t as oily as it once was and that I don’t get hungry as fast. I have noticed that my clothes are getting bigger and my belly smaller. I continue to read everything looking for those dreaded words, “Animal Protein” or “Animal Fat” and I have more energy to exercise. As of tomorrow I am headed into my second month and will keep you posted of my success.


Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Using Saltwater for Fuel

It isn't very often there is a news clip about something useful however I have found one today. Inventors like this is why I feel there should be a 1 billion dollar prize for the next "Green", totally renewable fuel source. Enjoy!


Sunday, July 08, 2007

Grandma Gone Wild

If by looking at the photos below you suddenly thought of the Crypt Keeper from HBO's Tales from the Crypt, you were definitely not alone. I would say implants at 90 are not sexy. I would say implants at 90 are Anti-Viagrial at best and take up precious space for CPR. This woman is walking birth control. The words for this Grandmother should be, "NO GRANDMA, DON'T!"These photos are from the Portuguese Blog( which is in Portuguese by the way) , and I am sure they would appreciate if you visit their site.


Saturday, July 07, 2007

Awesome Rock Band-Wolfmother

As a lead guitarist I enjoy playing as well as listening to Rock and Roll. Recently I stumbled across this awesome rock band called Wolfmother and let me tell you Wolfmother REALLY DOES ROCK. Personally I enjoy such artist as: Jimmie Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, CCR, Allman Brothers, Santana, Pink Floyd, The Rolling Stones, The Black Crowes, Lenny Kravitz, The Eagles, Body Count, Rob Zombie, Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave, KISS and Marilyn Manson. However when I am not listening to my personal collection of music, I frequently scour the Internet and music channels for new artist. I consider myself sort of a Rock aficionado. By listening to the first couple of guitar riffs and bars of a song, I can just about tell you if the group that playing is worth your time. But every now and then I run across a group or song that has promise. And gentle reader let me tell you for this brief moment in time it is Wolfmother. Enjoy.


Thursday, July 05, 2007

Domestic Violence Shelters for Men

While serving in communities across Alabama for over 20 years I have responded to numerous domestic violence calls. For each call I have answered I become more and more appalled at the level of control (mental and monetary) the abuser has over their victim. However, in my opinion, the domestic violence law of Alabama, in is too broad and needs revision. The law allows for the smallest of visible physical evidence to be used solely as a catalyst for arrest. This is not fair to the husband who has grabbed his spouse, to prevent her from stabbing him to death, thus leaving physical marks, resulting in him being arrested. I have seen it and the police officers, who have a tough job anyway, generally dismiss his claim based on a lack of evidence i.e. penetrating stab wounds to the husband’s person or his cold corpus delicti. This might come as a shock to my female readers everywhere but believe it or not the man is not always the abuser.

Personal compliance with Alabama’s Domestic Violence Law is mandatory as it should be However if you are found actively violating the law when the police arrive you can find yourself arguing with the business end of a police officers black can of mace or his Taser. But having treated patients second to domestic violence I realize that not all patients are female and not all females go to jail when they are the abusers. But to espouse upon my revelation in the previous sentence would take a 6 part miniseries. That is something I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. However when the man is at the receiving end of spousal abuse where does he go?

When men have reached the end of their marriages or are forced out of their marriages they are thought of as being tough enough to handle it. Emotions are something true guys don’t have a great command over. The key word is true. Believe me surprise divorce papers have killed plenty of husbands, with depression, alcohol and drug abuse killing more than that, and cheeseburgers ,meat lovers pizza’s and 20 year old girlfriends taking out the rest. But who do the steel workers, meat eaters, hunters, soldiers, fathers, husbands and protectors turn too when they need some time reassess their position besides jail? I am one of those men who have thought of that previous question and frankly I am appalled that the society who all too often emasculates men for being men has no way to save the dying breed of real men.

I have an idea. I personally vote for that creepy looking mansion, surrounded by Texas thorn bushes, nestled deep in the bowels of a dark forest. This place would be well equipped with man stuff like a shooting gallery, smoking rooms, furniture made out rough logs, a well stocked free bar, bathrooms with urinals and toilet seats that are welded down and oh yes I almost forgot a brass stripper pole right in the middle of the building. (Hey it’s my idea I can put what I want in it.) Therapy sessions would consist of tackle football, impromptu boxing matches and road trips to Vegas. And when it all said and done the man can go back to living his life happily knowing there are better things than a bad relationship.


Thursday, June 28, 2007

The Verdict is In

Don Siegleman and Richard Scrushy will not be able to read this blog entry. As you read this both of them have been remanded to the Montgomery County Jail awaiting assignment to a Federal Prison which could take up to 45 days. U.S. District Judge Mark Fuller sentenced Alabama’s former governor to 88 months and Richard Scrushy the founder of HealthSouth to 82 months. Their attorneys will have 10 days to file an appeal. The Siegleman and Scrushy sentences also include restitution, fines, community service, parole, family separation, and public disgrace. I watched the details unfold on WSFA and asked myself, “How many more are out there like that?”

Lord Acton’s famous words of wisdom, “All power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely” has validity beyond Acton’s foreseeable expectations. Politics itself is a favor based institution it always has been and forever shall be. There is a host of politicians that have fallen by the waist side (pardon the cliché) and there are many more just itching to be indicted. Politics itself is a host of a social disease called greed and it is highly communicable. Looking for an honest politician is like looking for the cure for cancer. The cure may be out there but we will catch immortal hell trying to find it. It is just that simple. Bribery is a way of life in politics and it shows when there are concessions made in an effort to appease one politician to sway his or her vote for the common good of the group. Yep that’s bribery.

I do not feel sorrow for these two men nor do I feel sorrow for their families. Both of these men are wealthy. Both of these men have absolutely nothing to loose but time. Their families will enjoy the life that they are accustomed to and will not miss a beat. But I wonder…I wonder when the first decision was made by either man to accept a less than legal gift, or when either man decided to pay someone off. I wonder if they felt remorse or got a thrill and I wonder what both are thinking at this very moment as they don orange jumpsuits and know they are over 6 and a half years away from their release.


Monday, June 25, 2007

Week One

I started my vegetarian trek one week ago today and let me tell you I have never felt better. I am not eating pork, beef, seafood or poultry but the most amazing thing is I don’t miss them either. During this week I learned that fiber does things to your bowels that is embarrassing even when you are by yourself and is extremely cleansing during that special time of the morning...yay fiber. I have learned to look closely at food products before buying to make sure they don't contain animal proteins. I learned that fast food restaurants actually stink of cold fryer vat grease, rotting vegetables and spoiled meat and that I could buy McDonald's for my niece and nephews without as much as craving French fries. I also found out that you can make a vegetarian meal out of rice, beans (with out the perfunctory pork strip) and sautéed mushroom and be completely satisfied. And to top it all off I have lost 5 pounds…amazing. For those who would like to try eating this way to for one day here is a menu courtesy of The Apocalypse Papers.


1 cup and half of bran cereal with half a cup of Soy Milk
I slice of whole wheat toast with teaspoon of peanut butter or jelly
1 Cup of coffee with non-dairy creamer and with/without artificial sweetener
1 Bottle of water


Two cups of green salad, with tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, banana peppers,
and olives (or fresh veggies of your choice)
(Trick: slice and season your tomatoes and cucumbers with salt, pepper and garlic powder before adding to salad)
One tablespoon of Catalina Dressing or Vinaigrette
Two shakes of Bacon Bits (The FAKE kind it will say no animal protein on the bottle)
One medium sized apple or piece of fresh fruit of choice.
Two bottles of water


Half a cup of nut of choice or peanut butter sandwich or small serving of Pringles Potato Chips or trail mix


One cup of rice without butter
One cup and half of canned or frozen beans cooked and seasoned to taste.
(Try this: sauté mushrooms until tender in olive oil add Dales seasoning Dales is already salty so be careful) Toss in a couple of onions just for a special effect. Combine all the above items.

Two bottles of water


Saturday, June 23, 2007

PLUPON:Math Game for Geniuses

Besides being highly addictive Plupon will make you have lost basic math skills and honestly the only thing you have to do is add three balls up to ten. (The trick is to not react to the slowness of the game.) Have fun!


Friday, June 22, 2007

Riverdance Rap

This is a viral video I am sure will have you laughing and linking to The Apocalypse Papers. Just press play and dance along.


Top Five Technologies to Watch

I am mystified at how technology is leaping forward every day. I watch as computers get faster and faster, cell phones get smaller and lighter (can you say choking hazard) and L.E.D lights take over traditional light bulbs. But nothing has amazed me more than the top five up and coming technologies listed below.

5.HHO Gas

In a nutshell this process is where distilled water is split into hydrogen and oxygen by using electrolysis. Then those gases are then used as a fuel source to generate a flame that is cool to the touch but will heat brass to the melting point in seconds.

4. Computer Storage Space:

Developers are in a race around the planet to develop larger storage devices in a smaller package thus making cell phones smaller as well as computers more powerful.

3.L.E.D. Lights:

It might sound strange to think of LED’s to be a technology to watch but remember there is such a thing as the, “Butterfly Effect” and besides blue light LED’s are shown to reduce acne.

2.Wave Energy:

As the planet gets warmer and sea levels rise there will be stronger and stronger waves as well as horrendous storms. You might as well make use out of the renewable and clean energy being released This technology is already being tested.

1.Hydrogen Based Fuels:

I think this technology is the number one for said reasons: A. Anything grown has to be cultivated and cultivation requires a tremendous amount of energy in the form of chemical enhancement and vast amounts of land so bio-fuels are ,in my opinion, a waste of time. B. Hydrogen exists all around us and any technology that includes its usage will go very far.


Thursday, June 21, 2007

Funniest Video To Date

Ok let me set this up for you. This video is of a fake skeleton sitting on a remote controlled motorcycle. The prankster is on a microphone speaking(I am not sure of the language) through the skeleton. He is well hidden so his victims are none the wiser. Watch as these people ,who happen to be walking past a cemetery, get the scare of their lives.


Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Top 11 Ways to Beat the Heat

News agencies around the country, especially the ones in the Southeastern U.S, will soon be running “spots” on how to handle the summer heat. As usual they grab some doctor from their busy practice to repeat the woes of summertime. And at the very end the physician says, “If you think you’re experiencing a heat emergency don’t hesitate to call 911.” Well guess what I am 911 and here are the top eleven ways to beat the summer heat.

11. Acclimatize yourself to the heat: Start out small with one minute during the hottest part of the day then increase your heat exposure to 5 minutes or greater. Living, working and driving in the air-conditioning makes us more prone to heat exhaustion because it lowers your temperature threshold.

10. Small meals in the heat please: If you think you can eat 2 pounds of food from a buffet and then walk around 90 degree weather heat you are sadly mistaken. It takes heat to process the food you have eaten. Heat plus heat equals…you guessed it someone vomiting on the sidewalk.

9. Electrolyte replacement works but water works best: If you prone to sweat like a fat man in a cake race then I would suggest Gatorade or Power Aide but water is king. Besides water is sugar-free, fat-free, and calorie-free plus your body loves it…even if you don’t.

8. Stay away from Sweet Tea, Soft Drinks, and Alcoholic Beverages during daylight hours: Personally there is nothing like a good cold glass of tea in the heat but that should never be the only thing you drink.

7. A wide-brimmed hat works wonders in the direct sunlight.

6. Keep check on the frequency and color of your urine: This is a standard question Medical Emergency professionals ask, “How many times have you used the bathroom today and what color was it?” Translated “Hey retard did you know that honey colored urine means you were low on water?

5. Sunscreen, Sunscreen, and Sunscreen and did I mention Sunscreen: SPF 75 if they have such a thing.

4. Wear brightly colored loose clothing when outdoors: Reflects light, and creates airspace yada, yada, yada. It keeps you cool. There is no reason to have J-Lo tight jeans in 110 degree heat unless you are trying to bake a potato in your pocket. Come on.

3. Act like a child: Case in point if you ever watched children play outside in the heat, you know they are constantly in and out of the house, drinking water, cooling off and returning to play, take note.

2. Know the signs of heat exhaustion and heat stroke: Heat Exhaustion will make you dizzy, lightheaded, perspire like crazy and flushed in appearance. Heat Stroke will make you cold and clammy and have an increased core temperature and send you into a coma. Both are bad. Both can kill you. If you suspect either one is happening call 911. Remember that.

1. Keep an emergency re-hydration kit in your car and home: This should consist of a case of water, wide brimmed hats, spray bottles, cold packs, and towels. Because you never know when your power will go out or your car will break down.


Monday, June 18, 2007

On Becoming Vegetarian

I have decided to try the Vegetarian lifestyle for one month. This decision is not a direct result of my compassion for tasty livestock. But it is due, in part, because of my health. Now I am the first one to light up a grille and throw thick steaks and succulent burgers onto the pyre of all things delicious. I admit it. But I figure if I wanted to lose a little weight and lower my cholesterol at the same time becoming a Vegetarian just might work. Ok, a month will not accomplish the above goals. But you really can tell if you are cut out for something in that amount of time.

Doing research for this blog entry my searches brought me to different Vegan websites. But what I was looking for were recipes for a meat/meat by-products free lifestyle. While surfing I found out that there are really some hardcore Vegans out there. Some of those people on those sites look as if they would hug a tree until they got splinters. I refuse to be that drastic. I don’t just want to eat fruit and lettuce like a rabbit at every meal either. And I don’t see myself drinking Wheat Grass juice and singing Kumbaya around a camp fire weeping loudly for Mother Earth. Hell No. All I want is a couple of do’s and don’ts for becoming a Vegetarian . It should be simple right?

While reading the Wikipedia entry on Vegetarianism I immediately became confused. There are different types of Vegetarians, imagine that. But it appears that a lot of the non-meat consumption can be broken into subsets and those subsets into further subsets. Some don’t eat meat. Some don’t eat berries. Some will eat only fish. Some will not wear silk or eat honey. These people are crazy. Some will strain their water to keep from drinking the water bugs. Some are making a political stand against the slaughter of delicious animals and their in humane treatment. What in the mother of all diets is going on? All I wanted is a simple answer to a simple question. Well I looked at this site and realized I had my work cut out for me.

Starting a Vegetarian diet is simple but there are meat land mines. Everywhere you turn there are animal proteins enhanced foods including those found in white cane sugar. I have decided however that I will stay away from all known animal proteins. Simply put if it can be bought in the meat section or knowingly contains meat or has dairy or eggs in it I will avoid it at all cost. I know this shot my plans for 4th of July out of the sky but I think it will be for the best. Just look for me I will be the one eating salad, fruit, and nuts at the nearest Bar Be Que.


Monday, June 11, 2007

Get Apple Safari HERE!

As you know I am big fan of Internet technology. And there comes a time where you just have to explore all the new things that are out there. Apple Safari is one of them. It is a stylized web browser from the people that have brought you the Mac, the I-Pod, I-Pod shuffle, I-Phone, and I-Tunes. But the kicker is that this version of Safari is for WINDOWS. It is proclaimed to be better than Mozilla's FireFox. I will continue testing it and keep you up dated. If you would like to test along with me just download it below.

Get Apple Safari Here


Sunday, June 10, 2007

10 Sure Fire Ebay Tips

It is no secret that Ebay has become the worlds flea market. If you can dream it then you can buy it on Ebay. But the trick is how to find what you are looking for and get it for the price you want.

1. When looking for your specific item make sure you have done your research FIRST. The seller knows the price so should you.

2. Look at the Sellers rating. This tid-bid of information can save you a whole lot of grief. The lower their score the less likely you will be satisfied with what they are auctioning off.

3. Misspell the name of your item. You would be surprised to know that many people make mistakes....costly mistakes. Then pounce like a tiger.

4. Pay attention to shipping and handling. Sometimes a seller will go incredibly low on their opening bid only to scorch you on the shipping and handling. If it isn't there on the listing send and email and ask.

5. Never ever place the item in your "My Ebay" to be watched. This tells the seller you are interested. Bad move sometimes, even though it is against Ebay Policy, people shill bid.

6. Pay attention to overseas listings. Remember that it takes a long time on overseas shipments. And the shipper will ship as cheap as possible.

7. Hold your feedback until you have received the item you have won. This keeps the seller honest. If is not what they say it is contact the seller and request a refund after all a bad remark hurts. It's called leverage.

8. If it looks too good to be is counterfeit. Look closely at the item you are bidding on. Ask questions and if you have to model numbers. Do your homework.

9. Look at your sellers history of selling items. It will tell you allot about their expertise.

10. Last but not least bid responsibly. Sometimes having that 1970's issue of Mad Magazine is just not worth it.


Saturday, June 09, 2007

Vault Energy Drink Commercial

I laugh each time I watch this.Enjoy!


Friday, June 08, 2007

Paris Hilton Goes Back to Jail

I am not indifferent about what happened to Paris Hilton. I am glad she went back to jail and let me tell you why. There has to be one dissenting voice that speaks common sense and that voice happens to belong to the sentencing judge. Seeing Paris crying in handcuffs was a fitting end to what could have been a travesty of justice. She will have to serve 45 days in a jail cell where she will do the time of a probation violator. Then when she is done she can go home to her slice of heaven without having lost a job, a car, or her residence.


Paris Hilton Goes Free

I think America has been done a great injustice. I think there was a collective gasp when Paris Hilton went home after only three days in Jail. I think that every law enforcement officer, police chief, prosecutor, and presiding Judge, in our great United States is grinding their teeth…right about now knowing that money can buy you freedom, especially in California. The mere fact that Paris Hilton is being allowed to serve her sentence under house arrest, because of medical reasons, is an injustice to every person who has suffered and is suffering behind bars with far more serious ailments (remember Paris is going home and not to the hospital). I sat stunned watching CNN as the anorexic princess was brought home to her castle to wear an ankle bracelet and serve out her time. Let’s recap shall we? Paris missed her court date not once, but twice, lied and blamed it on her publisher, cried like a 3 year old because of the sentence given, she showed up to jail early, became ill (supposedly) and then went home after serving three days on a 90 day, reduced to 45 days, reduced to 23 days, to her lap of luxury.

The Californian legal system has a broken cog. I feel this cog was obliterated by the famous, the greedy and the influential. In my opinion celebrities have an access road around the Californian legal system and they know how to exploit it. There is no way is a purple-colored hell that you the average citizens would be able to do what Paris has done. In my home state of Alabama if we were pulled over and the officer found out we had a failure to appear warrant, we would have been arrested, held to our court date, fined, sentenced, and thrown summarily into our local jail.

As a new Paramedic I once responded to a jail where a prisoner was violently ill. He was so sick that if on the outside we would run lights and siren to the hospital. But the jailers were indifferent almost casual about this particular prisoner’s plight. Their exact words were, “He is still not going home.” There response stunned me. But after years of having worked on the streets I know that prisoners have rights but they are still prisoners. They still have to pay their dues. In my opinion Paris was never a prisoner…stay tuned.


Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Create the Perfect Fictional Character

Have you ever wondered the process behind realistic characters a writer creates? A person you would actually love to meet or would tremble in their very presence? The truth is fictional characters are more than figments of the writer’s juicy imagination. These characters are a compilation of multiple attributes blended together perfectly after trial and error. Do you remember the paper dolls you used to cut out as a kid? Well if not PLAY ALONG! Let this doll represent, a one dimensional character ,the kind of character that seems to weave itself around plot lines while dragging short stories to the rejection pile. This doll has no voice, no stylized presence. It just sits and does nothing. However if we start with some basics our character will seemingly come alive.

The rudimentary attributes, or level one as I call them, any writer should start with are: Gender, age, height, weight, hair color, eye color, race and skin color. However you should realize that race and skin color are two different things. Race is the cultural group that you effectively belong to and skin color defines the strength or lack of melatonin in your skin. One dictates how your character makes choices based on their cultural upbringing, one determines how your character is seen by the reader.

The second level, or the socioeconomic background of your character, is the true heart and essence of your character. The more specific you are the more your character becomes its own person and less of you! You should have at least the top ten second level attributes: Level of education, current income, religious background, Parental background (single parent vs. married), siblings, brood number( single child, middle child or youngest) criminal back ground, sexual orientation, Marriage status, Political affiliation. You could also include things like medical history, drug allergies or phobias but only if they are relevant to your story i.e., a fear of oceans that prevents your character from rescuing a loved one from a rip tide.

The last level or the voice level is something even I have a problem with time to time. It is hard to capture the deep twang of a Texan’s speech when you are used to hearing people from Brooklyn speak. It is also hard to capture the pattern of a person’s speech. Not everyone speaks in complete sentences or whole words. What really helps is to find a quiet spot in a mall or a restaurant (note try not to look so conspicuous it’s that whole homeland security thing) and with a pen and pad write down words and phrases you hear. For instance I constantly hear the phrase, “Do you know what I mean?” being shortened to, “Naah Meeen” or “What is up?” to “Sup.” With this level it is appropriate to add oddities or idiosyncrasies to the way your character speaks. This only adds flavor. Like the person who whistles when they talk or constantly click their teeth. Have fun when building your character who knows you might become the next best thing.


Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Cyclone Gonu

Now if it wasn't enough that our gas prices were high already here comes

Cyclone Gonu

headed towards oil rich Oman WHAT ARE THE ODDS that our gas will be 5 dollars a gallon by the end of summer?


On Waking Up

Recently a Polish man awoke from a coma that lasted an incredible 19 years. Can you imagine what he is thinking right now? Can you even fathom what is going through his head as he is told about the years he has slept through? The words HDTV, Broadband, Digital, Bird-Flu, Euros, Hackers, PDA’s, Global Warming, insurgents and 9-11 are all thrown at him. So much so it could send him into another coma. It will take about a year to explain to him how Perestroika melted the iron wall and murdered the Soviet Bear. And it will take at least two years for him to catch up with one season of American Idol.

Now imagine if you fell to a coma, on March 19 2003, the day before the war started in Iraq and suddenly awoke today? How would you handle the news that our country, the world’s greatest country, is getting our asses smacked once again, as if Vietnam wasn’t enough? Just think, on that fateful March day, you were full of hope and aspiration for our country and upon waking up today you found out we succeeded in toppling and executing Saddam only to find out why he had to be an evil bastard. You become tragically familiar with words like Abu Ghraib, IED, Al Anbar Province, Sadar City, Mahdi Army, Dragon Skin, Shiite and Sunni. You awoke to find that Hurricane Katrina, in a single curtsy and swish of her bustle, changed the demographics of New Orleans in 2 hours flat. You woke up to find out that our government has turned it's back on legal, taxpaying, citizens in favor of amnesty for illegal workers. That sudden shock, to know that things have taken a turn for the worse, would make you look for a second coma…hell I know I would.

But what happens when you, who have been sleeping, finally woke up in the figurative sense? By waking up I mean the smoke was blown into your rectal vault has dissipated and you are able to make a credible, intelligent, and informed decision based on learned facts. How would you feel? Can you believe that there are people out there that make render any decision unless it is based along political party lines? Can you believe there are people who don’t believe global warming is real even though Florida is on fire or that our first tropical event was named Andrea on May 9th? Well if you are still sleeping and refuse to hear the facts fine. Remember the high price of gas is due in part of terrorist and unpatriotic Americans, not because of your new Hummer. Remember 150,000 troops can strategically run a country of antiquity on sheer firepower without violent retribution. And lastly, remember, it is better to have a cheap, beautiful, landscape than lower taxes, cheaper health insurance, or 700 miles of border fence.


Monday, June 04, 2007

How to Search the Internet

Cyberspace has become as immense as the universe that surrounds our tiny blue planet. So finding exactly what you are looking for can be down right frustrating but this blog entry will teach you how to search the Internet with ease.

First, you need a reliable search engine because if you start with junk you more than likely will end up with junk. I recommend the almighty Google but you can use Yahoo, AfterVote or Alexa if you wish. Second, you need to understand exactly WHAT you are trying to find. There are billions of websites that contain information on just about any subject known to man be as specific as possible. Now we could go into the different types of search questions and methods but that would get boring really fast. Or we can do it the Apocalypse Papers way, which I feel is a gentler more humane method, because it doesn’t waste precious brain cells. Let’s get started.

I could tell you about Boolean searches, string searches algorithms, and keyword searches, but that would bore you to click away. However search like a pro and find exactly what you are looking for in a flash by using concise search terms. Remember the Internet is designed and maintained by really smart people that believe that there is beauty in simplicity and that Star Trek was the most awesome show ever created. So when searching:

Instead of: The actor that appeared on the “Man from Atlantis” (I am showing my age I know)

Try: Cast of Man from Atlantis (no quotes)

Instead of: What is the name of the white cheese dip they serve at Mexican Restaurants?

Try: White cheese dip Mexican Restaurant recipe

If you want a commercial by Ronco then ask by the name of the commercial. If you are looking for a song then ask for the name of the song however if you don’t know the name but know some of the lyrics just type those in the search box (believe me that actually works!) If you are looking to solve certain equations in math, believe it or not, Google has that function. So if you want to surf like a pro you have to think like one. Think brief, think accurate and think simple.


Monday, May 21, 2007

How to Prepare For Any Medical Emergency

There are so many medical experts bouncing around the airwaves that one could get dizzy trying to follow them all. If those experts had their way we would live in a glass bubble until the day we die. However as humans we know that life is about living and living involves risk. So knowing how to prepare for any medical emergency is as simple as being ahead of the curve with the right information. And having the right information can be is the difference between basking at a day spa or cooling at a funeral home.

First things first common sense is free. You own it, so let’s start there. The most involved person in your personal health care should not be your doctor. It should be you! Your doctor performs a physical assessment as a nurse records their findings in your medical records. The way any physician knows how to treat you is by finding out what is wrong first and going from there. The way any other doctor, who has never seen you before, can treat you effectively is by knowing what health issues you have. So the first thing you should do in preparation for a potential heart attack or stroke is write down these critical items:

1. Your Name
2. Your Date of Birth(do you know how many people have your name)
3. Your Doctor's Name
4. Your Doctor's Phone Number(Doctors have the same name also)

If you suddenly became critically ill or better yet you were unable to speak during a sudden illness who could you trust to give accurate medical information about you? If you answered: spouses, a parent, a girlfriend/boyfriend, a co-worker, give yourself 0 points. Only YOU know the most about YOU! And having well meaning E.R Doctor play Russian roulette with your health, while the person you trust freaks completely out is solely your fault. So also written down somewhere in your home you should have:

1. A complete list of current prescription drugs
2. A list of Over the Counter medications
3. Any Herbal Supplements (these interact with some drugs)
4. Pertinent Past Medical History i.e. Strokes, Seizures. HIV
5. Drug and Food Allergies

And you should tell someone well advance where this information is located. If you are traveling you should have a listing in your phone that states ICE on In Case of Emergency. The person on the other end of that number entry should have a copy of your medical information.

So let’s recap. To increase your survivability during medical emergencies you must have pertinent, accurate and current information concerning our health written down somewhere and a rational, trusted person who knows where you placed it. Also when the time does come when you are unable to speak or move during an emergency IT IS TOO LATE. And remember participation in your own health care is just as critical as having health insurance.


Sunday, May 20, 2007

Top 10 Reasons You Should Avoid Buffets

But I don’t think my previous post entitled, “Competition Trick Eating” was taken serious so here is my take on the top 10 reasons you should avoid buffets.

1.If you experience shortness of breath while walking from your car to the buffet, the buffet might not be for you.

2.If you experience shortness of breath while walking from your buffet table to the steam tables please reconsider your actions.

3.If you sweat profusely while you eat. Yep, you might want to avoid buffets.

4.If you have Cankles or a Calves and ankles combination. Better known as the “Little Lotta Syndrome” you should avoid buffets.

5.If you think a “salad” looks like with a sprig of lettuce with a whole ham on it, smothered in bacon bits, drowned in copious amounts of Ranch dressing and encrusted with croutons. You might want to avoid buffets.

6.If you ride a Hoveround not because you have arthritis, degenerative joint disease or had a previous stroke, but simply you are to fat to walk you might want to think about rolling away from the buffet door.

7.If you have no neck and snore while you are awake. You guessed it, run away.

8. If you are prescribed medication for any of theses words: Hypercholesterolemia, Type II Diabetes Mellitus, Hypertension, or Cholelithiasis. The buffet is not for you.

9. If you need two tables pushed together for you and a friend or IF you are sitting on two chairs You guessed it.

10. If your face is so fat that your eyes look closed. The buffet is definitely not for you.

Honestly buffets should come with a warning at the door that reads,” The contents of this establishment may cause heart disease or diabetes if taken in excess


Friday, May 18, 2007

2007 Hurricane Preparedness

During the 2006 Hurricane season the Southeastern U.S held its breath as they watched storm after storm build and disintegrate causing minimal damage comparatively to the 2005 season. (You can see the entire season here on Wikipedia). It was during 2006 Hurricane Season that the people living along the Gulf Coast were the most prepared. Now that the Atlantic Hurricane season is upon us again I felt there are eleven essential tasks you should perform well in advance of being effected by a major storm passing through your area.

1. First things first get on the phone and call your local EMA director. You will need a list of storm shelters in your area. If your EMA Director is busy or seems like they don’t have the time, contact your local Red Cross they should have the listings of certified shelters in your area after all they are the ones that certify shelters in the first place.

2. Next make a copy of all your important documents, i.e. medical records, prescriptions, credit cards, driver’s license, insurance papers and then either MAIL them to a trusted family member or place them in a safe deposit box.

3. You should have a detailed waterproof map of your neighborhood, county and state. You should have at least 3 alternate evacuation routes before storm landfall and three alternate return routes after the storm passes. Now if you want to be really thorough, pen in all the gas stations, storm shelters, fire stations and hospitals on all three routes.

4. Everyone in your evacuating family should have a 3 day bag. This bag should be packed and set aside with only the essentials to evacuate such as: Change of clothes for three days, sanitary items, small hand held games, books, telephone calling card (because cell towers can topple in high wind and cell phones die) and prescription medications, (Hot curlers, Plasma televisions, electric cookware, desk top computers are not essential items as I saw during Katrina.)

5. Purchase a pallet of bottled water.

6. Invest in a generator, a heavy chain, and strong padlock. Now the exhaust from a generator will KILL (notice I said WILL) you and your entire family if used indoors. Make sure your generator is outside of the building while running. Now would be the time to figure out a way to chain it to the ground preventing the generator from being stolen. (Yes there are thieves after storms).

7. Purchase a large cooler with wheels to store large amounts of ice.

8. Invest in a battery operated weather radio(with spare batteries), flash lights (at least two), tea light candles, calumet light sticks, aluminum foil, synthetic rope, matches and for heavens sake Duct Tape at least 4 rolls. Don’t be fooled by purchasing these items through super rescue magazines or so called, “Experts” Your local dollar store has most of these supplies.

9. You should have a 10 gallon gas tank with a strong tight cap and a funnel. (During Hurricane Katrina people were burning themselves by not having a funnel trying to fill their cars and generators)

10. You should stock up on essential canned foods, and military styled meals ready to eat enough for at least three days. This way when you find out the storm is headed your way at least a three day head start on everyone else.

11. If your local EMA, Law Enforcement, Fire and EMS all scream in unison, "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE"! DO IT! They possess information you aren’t privy to. Call them on it later if they were wrong. If you decide to stay and “ride out” the storm make sure you have written on a waterproof card in indelible ink your name, date of birth and social security number it. Place this card in your pocket so there will be no problem identifying your body if you become a storm casualty.

After years of rescuing people after horrendous storms and participating in the recovery I felt this was the best way to get the message out.


Thursday, May 17, 2007

Website of the Day

AfterVote is an awesomely stylish website with plenty of interactive buttons and any web surfer, worth their salt, loves buttons. I ran across AfterVote while reading an article about it through SEO Chat. And after a couple of random searches I was actually astonished at how simple AfterVote was to use. If you are a writer or a researcher this site is for you, if you like multiple results from the big three (Google, Yahoo, and MSN) this site is for you and if you like being able to block bad results directly from the search page you got it, this site is for you. I entered the name of my blog into AfterVote and this is what I found.

If you noticed this page looks like something out of a spaceship’s control panel with its bright white page and multicolored buttons. But trust me; it is really easy to navigate. If you look to the far left side, of the very first search result, you will find a small box with three icons. To the right of the icons are numbers that indicate at what search request you could find in on each respective major search engine. The Apocalypse Papers is number 6 on Google and number 1 on Yahoo and not even listed on MSN (I just submitted the site). To the right of the small icon box what you would find in a normal search result. However at the bottom of your search results you have the following icon from left to right:

1. Cached Pages on Google, Yahoo, MSN
2. Alex’s Page rank (mine happens to be 15 hey it’s better than 0)
3. Google’s Page Rank
4. Stumble’s Identification of the Website
5. Digg This (the funky looking white blocks)
6. Add to your Account(if you have an account)
7. Email (They need to tweak this button because it opens in I.E)
8. Google’s “Translate your results” or it takes you to the site with a Google frame.
9. Bugmenot is the button that allows you to see registration names and passwords to keep from registering on certain sites (use with caution).
10. The Archives or Wayback button that will contain archived pages from your requested site.
11. The Green Button can prioritize, positive or bookmark the site.
12. The Red Button can negative vote, block the domain or even block the link from future results. (Neat huh?)

It is not often I run across a site that has such usable features. It is still a new site, so new there aren’t even ads on its search pages! However they need to work on its email feature it should be as simple as the Stumble email feature but hey I will give them time. Congratulations to


as The Apocalypse Papers Website of the Day!