Saturday, December 29, 2007

Poor, Poor,Tiger

I have had enough of the so-called tiger tragedy. The beautiful orange carnivore has been splashed across the screen like the animal member of Al Qaeda. There have been debates and finger pointing for the 12 foot fence being 4 feet too short. There have been news conferences and the repeated clips of the Paramedics placing an injured man on a yellow spine board. And the only thing I could say was, “Man, that was one pissed off kitty.” Just imagine, day in and day out people strolling past your man-made habitat and you can do nothing but watch. You know as a tiger you will never be able to chase an antelope, terrorize a village or cover your face in the blood of a fresh water buffalo kill. Your caretakers slip Mickies into your food and shoot you with tranquilizer darts so they can probe your recesses and clean your cage. And finally one day after listening to senseless chatter of zoo patrons, you had enough. Enough of the fat kids sipping on drinks walking so slow past your cage you could almost smell their meat. Enough of the people roaring and pointing towards you, taunting you, teasing you, getting on your last single feline nerve…until one day. Someone had to pay. The cage never really could hold you in.
Simply put, the tiger was killed for being a tiger. And the lesson learned is don’t anger the tigers, lions and…bears (can I get an Oh My!).I don’t have any sympathy for the teenager who was summarily dispatched by the 350 pound feline. That is what happens to stupid people. Somehow society needs to cry over people who accidentally shot the top of their heads off, drive drunk and then crash into bridges going in excess of 100 miles per hour, and tease tigers. You may call those tragedies but I call it thinning the heard. Bah. I feel there should be a stupid alert that goes out on the radio, “Attention, we have a car playing chicken with a train who wants to take bets the train will win?” Now if a Siberian Tiger suddenly showed up in my living room I would have a problem. Society should really put things into perspective.


Thursday, December 27, 2007

Holiday Discourses

During the holiday I have figured out that Christmas of my childhood was murdered and resurrected into a swollen, putrid retail holiday of gift giving and over consumption of mass quantities. The entire celebration (in my humble opinion) has lost its meaning of heralding the arrival of the Christ child. Instead, ole’ Saint Nick, decked out in a crushed red velvet pimp suit complete with hat and white beard and square belt buckle, is now the corporate backed and legally sanctioned holiday icon/anti-savior of choice. This is the last year I worship at the cash register in his jolly name. The reason for the season has been replaced by packed malls, road rage, and pissed off parents who waited to late to buy the newest electronic babysitter. Furthermore, courtrooms have taken the Christ out of Christmas and replaced it with the separation of church and state in a country founded on Christianity. And honestly, who in the hell let Kwanzaa on the calendar?

Well, Benazir Bhutto is has been eliminated and if you, the reader, did not see that one coming you have to be blazingly blind, innocuous to your surroundings or you are so brain-washed you think we really are winning the war on terror. There was no way Ms. Bhutto was ever going to topple Pervez Musharraf in a forced election. President Musharraf holds the reins on a nuclear capable country, knows the terrorist personally and was (and still is) in control of that country’s powerful military. Now honestly, who do you think had enough power to get that bomber close enough to assassinate Ms. Bhutto’s bodyguards while she herself died from gunshot wounds?

The Iowa Caucus is right around the corner and I am no political genius but I know one thing. I am sure that the Republicans don’t have a yeast rolls chance in a fat man’s pocket if they think they are going back into the White House. There are candidates on both sides of the political fence that would make excellent presidents. On the left is Obama, a political stem-cell who is able to assume any form because he has no past record and on the right Huckabee a friendly-faced republican who does not scare me like Herr Romeny. However, the field is really not Republican against Democrat, it is Obama against Hillary. Sorry Huckabee.

The Senate just passed a 555 billion dollar budget with 70 billion going towards continuing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. How long does 70 billion last when powering the American war machine? I did some fancy ciphering and I came up with 395 days. And as of this blog entry our President only has 389 days left so this number sounds about right. 395 days is based on the possibility that the war is costing the US 177 million dollars a day based on an old USAToday article. I can live with 395, but what will happen when it comes time to refinance is anyone’s guess.