Sunday, August 02, 2009

Ten Marriage Codes of Conduct: Repost

I feel that marriage is an antiquated institution that has lost all meaning to our society. Being married used to be the first step after maturing as an adult and the step next to death. But in my opinion it has become the bus stop of frequent travelers. The pomp and circumstance of being a Bride has overtaken the true essence of becoming a Wife. JUST as being a Groom has overtaken the true essence of being a Husband. And in my very humble opinion there should be a handbook, short course, test and lab before a marriage certificate is issued. This thought process may come as comedy to some and scathing cynicism to others but I don’t care.

If you look at the wedding announcements in any U.S newspaper you will see lots of photos of the smiling faces of Brides, amidst the gentle grimaces of the Grooms. This highly pretentious announcement should come with a score in the upper right hand corner of their photo. This score should dictate their direct understanding and passing of the Marriage Codes of Conduct. If it is a low score the guest should give only congratulatory cards with five dollar gift certificates. If it is a high score the guest should give to their hearts delight. If you are laughing, laugh at this…how many weddings have you attended where the marriage didn’t last as long as the flavor in a piece of Peppermint Gum? Seriously.

Having personally survived a divorce I went on a quest to understand what it took to make a marriage last. While transporting and interacting with literally hundreds of elderly couples I asked numerous questions. I wanted to see where I went wrong.Yes, I was wrong...some of the time.Some of their responses were prophetic and some of them were pathetic but the fact remained they were in relationships of longevity. The elder couples had almost an identical core of ethics that keep them together. I prefer to call them the Marriage Codes of Conduct. Ten of them are listed below:

10. Don’t mess with the money. I was told that addicts of any kind, gambling, fishing, hunting, whoring, will obliterate a marriage.

9. There is no such thing as, “Yours and Mine” there is only, “Ours.” One elderly woman said she was going to flatten her husband’s tires after his long night out with the boys, only to realize SHE would have to pay for them.

8. Think like a couple. I was told that newly married people mistakenly think in the plural instead of the singular.

7. You cannot blame 100 percent of a marriage’s mistakes on 50 percent of the relationship. Period.

6. Single friends give bad advice. They'er single for a reason.

5. Divorced friends give even worse advice. They're divorced for a reason.

4. Ex-wives, ex-husbands, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, should under no circumstance provide: a soft shoulder, a listening ear, a word of wisdom, a place to visit or a nod of approval. They're EX's for a reason.

3. Marriages make children, children do not make marriages.

2. Love is one of the jewels of the relationship, not the ring. This surprised the complete hell out of me when a Wife of 40 years said, “There were years I didn’t love my husband.”

1.Trust is essential, respect is essential but responsibility to one another is of utmost importance.

In many of my conversations I found out that the older couples wanted their marriage to last. I found out that most of the couples felt if your potential spouse was horrible before the wedding they will be horrible later with a legally binding agreement. In my efforts I found out that the key to an extended marriage is the direct result of knowing WHO you are going to marry an accepting him or her and NOT hoping that through marriage they will change.


Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Bush Who?

Eight years of Republican leadership has driven the good ole US of A into the poor house. And now the Republicans, led by Rush Limbaugh, think by sitting on their hands and wishing gloom and doom to President Obama the economy will turn around, the real estate bubble will re-inflate and Reese’s Peanut Butter cups will return to their original size. The Republicans are wishing for more tax cuts for small businesses but if there is no bailout there will be no small business. What really is the Republican thought process?

I understand the term fiscal responsibility. But there is the question of an initial 350 billion dollars of taxpayer money that has bailed out struggling banks. Some of which are have thrown ten million dollar Super Bowl parties and were trying to purchase forty-five million dollar jets. What gives? Who was watching the helm with the TARP loan was thought of…oh wait, it was REPUBLICANS. Yep, point proven. But alas, they know best. But because of a numerical advantage the Republicans are powerless to stop the Democratic steamroller. As they should be until our country can be straightened out, people put back to work, families allowed to remain in their homes and a solution is found to reduce global warming.


Thursday, January 29, 2009

819 Billion Dollar Bailout

As a working (thank God) Paramedic I cannot understand why Republicans are having a complete hissy fit over the 819 Billion Dollar Bailout.The only thing I have heard thus far is why the Republicans oppose not what they would do to solve our financial mess. Oh yes,wait, the Republican plan: business tax cuts, no abortions and guns and God in public classrooms. Yada, yada, yada, we have heard it all before.But what if there are no businesses, no clinics to get abortions or rudimentary health care or no pawns shops because they have all shut their doors.

My America is in a crisis. I have no clue what America the Republicans are living in. My America is watching Moms and Dads loose their jobs every minute as business that were solid as a rock suddenly collapse. In what America do these Republicans reside? Oh yes, the America where homes are being foreclosed on and it is the homeowner to blame. The America where it is okay to be out of a job but not okay to take unemployment, food stamps, Medicaid or housing assistance. an Independent, Small Business Owner and provider for my family I think those Republicans are completely retarded. It stirs me to my very soul to hear that some fellow citizens are committing suicide, killing their children, going into deep depression or becoming homeless because they cannot find a job. The same citizens who wouldn't ask for a handout, generally vote Republican, and wants a chance to pay a bill any bill. The same citizens who will now vote Democrat than to starve like a homeless dog. I feel that those dissenting Republicans are comfortable as they occupy the responsible spending "high ground" when it was on their watch we got into this mess in the first place.


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Easter Bunny Hates You

Wow! Two hilarious videos in the span of one week. Who knew? Enjoy.


Monday, January 19, 2009

Twenty Things That Don’t Make Sense!

Warning, the link in this title has graphic pictures, click at your own risk.


1.Over-the-top press about Caylee Anthony’s disappearance/murder but nothing about the rest of the children who became missing and/or were murdered around the same time.

2.The price of a barrel of oil sliding but the price of a gallon of gas increasing! WTF!

3.The rush to purchace firearms because of a new Democratic Government however you still have to register the same weapon you just purchased so the same Democratic Government knows where the weapons were sold. Retards.

4.Bernie Madoff and his house arrest.

5.American Idol...why, somebody please do something with this show.

6.Kellogg’s salmonella infused peanut butter. Somewhere Tony the Tiger is smoking a fatty and trying to figure this one out.

7.America’s Best Dance Crew. Like we have nothing better to do but watch children dance.

8.A child named Adolf Hitler. Parents clueless as to why Adolf was removed from their home along with Joyce Lynn Aryan Nation Campbell

9.Pencil Leg Jeans. Yuck!

10.Israel bombing the shit out of Gaza.

11.Israel’s cease-fire

12.Hamas telling Israel to eat a dirty Yarmulke as they continue firing homemade rockets.

13.Amy Winehouse, Amy Winehouse, Amy Winehouse!

14.North Korea threatening South Korea…again.

15.The Hi Phone

16.Falling out of your boat in a Piranha infested lake.

17.Russia turning off gas flow in the middle of winter.

18.Citi-Group falling from grace…twice

19.Refinancing your mortgage or even sending a payment when the company holding the lien…closes.

20.Sociopathic Paramedics.


Sunday, January 18, 2009

Flight of the Conchords

Yes, this video is silly as hell...but I like it anyway.


Tuesday, January 06, 2009

If I could have…

…one superpower it would be able to telekinetically induce explosive diarrhea to those in my mental range and through the television to those on the other side. And boy would that power be grand. Some guys want flight, steel bending biceps, x-ray vision, not me. I want something that strikes the fear in all of us…losing bowel control without warning. This could would be a very effective weapon, like the power of drinking liquefied rotten chicken and Ipecac mixed times 100; I wouldn’t charge people anything for me to use it either (for those that knew).

Drug dealers on your corner….whirl, whirl, whirl, cha, cha, cha, splat!

They would clear out in a moments notice. Every time they returned wouldn’t you know, the shitty sagging pants hath returned.

Some reporter on CNN bucking for the next primetime spot and you know they are just eye candy…whirl, whirl, whirl, cha, cha, cha, splat! CNN would have to clear the studio from the smell alone.

And my favorite getting pulled over by an overzealous police officer, whirl, whirl, whirl, cha, cha, cha, splat!! No ticket. As they tip-toe back to their cruiser butt cheeks clenched tight to reduce leakage.

I would be a sort of colon cleansing Robin Hood; someone takes your investment and fumbles the portfolio like Madoff…whirl, whirl, whirl, cha, cha, cha, splat! Until 50 billion dollars magically returns or he loses 51 pounds, whichever comes first. Someone wont give you a refund not a problem, where and how much? And I would take care of the rest. Oh, if only.