Sunday, May 20, 2007

Top 10 Reasons You Should Avoid Buffets

But I don’t think my previous post entitled, “Competition Trick Eating” was taken serious so here is my take on the top 10 reasons you should avoid buffets.

1.If you experience shortness of breath while walking from your car to the buffet, the buffet might not be for you.

2.If you experience shortness of breath while walking from your buffet table to the steam tables please reconsider your actions.

3.If you sweat profusely while you eat. Yep, you might want to avoid buffets.

4.If you have Cankles or a Calves and ankles combination. Better known as the “Little Lotta Syndrome” you should avoid buffets.

5.If you think a “salad” looks like with a sprig of lettuce with a whole ham on it, smothered in bacon bits, drowned in copious amounts of Ranch dressing and encrusted with croutons. You might want to avoid buffets.

6.If you ride a Hoveround not because you have arthritis, degenerative joint disease or had a previous stroke, but simply you are to fat to walk you might want to think about rolling away from the buffet door.

7.If you have no neck and snore while you are awake. You guessed it, run away.

8. If you are prescribed medication for any of theses words: Hypercholesterolemia, Type II Diabetes Mellitus, Hypertension, or Cholelithiasis. The buffet is not for you.

9. If you need two tables pushed together for you and a friend or IF you are sitting on two chairs You guessed it.

10. If your face is so fat that your eyes look closed. The buffet is definitely not for you.

Honestly buffets should come with a warning at the door that reads,” The contents of this establishment may cause heart disease or diabetes if taken in excess



Rick said...

Yep, those are all great reasons to avoid the buffet.

AlexD said...

I agree Rick. I think every time I see someone with ankles that overflow their shoes I feel my back start to ache knowing it wont be long before they hit the floor.