Sunday, May 13, 2007

Paris Hilton is Going to Jail

A 26 year old pseudo-celebrity named Paris Hilton is headed to jail on June 5th because she refused to comply with the conditions of her parole. And what was Paris’s excuse for doing so? Because she didn’t know she couldn’t drive on a suspended license. The statement she made before Judger Sauer sentenced her sounded mildly retarded, "I'm very sorry, and from now on I'm going to pay complete attention to everything. I'm sorry, and I did not do it on purpose at all…” Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer listened intently and then gave her 45 days in jail. He made sure he closed every comfortable alternative (electronic monitoring, house arrest, special incarceration or work detail) so Paris could experience the “Simple Life” of forced detention (I couldn’t resist the pun). In jail Paris will temporarily mingle with common folk who aren’t rich like her and are really, really, angry. Her fellow inmates will scoff at her, yell at her and even threaten her with bodily harm and yes she will have to take it. But in my opinion a month and a half in jail will change Paris’s perspective but not her life. Paris needs something more sinister.

Paris Hilton is a living testament to Cesare Beccaria’s sliding scale of justice. To paraphrase Beccaria, “the amount of justice you receive is directly connected to your economic status.” Simply put if the average person was driving around on a suspended license and failed to show up for court ordered classes. They would be arrested on the spot if pulled over. She was not. If the average person gave such a lame assed excuse in front of a Superior Court Judge they would receive extra jail time and they would have never made it out of the court room. Even Paris’s mother has the audacity to be upset at the sentence her daughter received. I think that MAAD should give Kathy Hilton a call or a good beat down.

Paris joins a long list of stars who believe they are immune to the DUI law. If I were a wealthy movie star I would pay someone to drive me around on party nights. That’s what you call being proactive. How many people would jump at the chance to be a designated driver to the stars? And if you must drive drunk do it while playing Playstation’s Grand Turismo after chugging a fifth of Tequila at home with your car keys hidden away.

As a Paramedic I know that drunks have killed and maimed a lot of sober people and that is exactly the point Judge Sauer was making. I will refrain from preaching sermon on the evils of drunk driving. I do however have a site where you can see the pictures of drunk driving accidents. Of course if it were left up to me to mete out a punishment, I wouldn’t opt for jail time. My punishment would be for Paris make pretty those people killed by drunk drivers for one month and then attend their funerals. I am sure Paris would turn into a saint…at least for a little while.


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