Monday, February 26, 2007

Sex Toys and Elvis

Sex toys are banned in Alabama. I read this article about a sex toy ban and thought of the movement to ban Elvis and Rock-N-Roll. There was a movement across the south to ban Elvis’s music because of his sound, his look, and his obscene gyrations. There were political essays, sermons and newspaper articles about his music. Elvis was going to corrupt the youth of the south and cause the morality infrastructure to collapse. Citizen councils took up arms to protect the fragile minds and even more fragile souls of decent southern youths everywhere. Well you know the rest of the story. Elvis went on to be a mega star that died on a toilet. But the aim to apply morality where the application isn’t needed has succeeded.

I cannot think of a time where I read or heard of a person being assaulted with a 12 inch dildo. Imagine this; a dastardly criminal folds himself into a dark corner and BAM! He sex toys his victim! OH the horror, OH the humanity! What has befallen the poor victim? Whatever should they do? The police arrive and ask “what color was the vibrating egg o’ doom and could you pick it out of a line up?” Suddenly there are midnight vigils with candles, soft hymns and prayers that the sex toy abuse would stop so we may all live in peace. This ban by far has to be the most idiotic thing I have ever heard of, when there are other things the Attorney Generals Office could have fought to stop. I want my tax dollars back! I want my tax dollars back NOW!

Go into any convenience store in Alabama and look on the counter in front of the cashier. You should see one of three items: jet-flame styled lighters, flavored cigars and roses in glass tubes. To the untrained eye they are mundane quick stop clutter. But to a professional eye they are: crack or meth lighters, marijuana “blunt” makers and crack pipes. Because these items blend so well into the store they go unnoticed. These items should be banned from Alabama. Now if the Attorney Generals Office wanted a crusade they should have picked drug paraphernalia. I would’ve totally agreed with that move. Because drug addicts often rob, steal and kill.

Sex toys are private items that should be readily available to Alabama residents that have reached the age of majority. I have been in an Adult store and there is no greased pole directly to Hades in there. Trust me. There are men and women shopping who giggle and blush like teenagers. They are responsible, loving adults. Not the seedy, salivating, sex fiends they are portrayed to be. They do not wear trench coats (at least not in the store) and large fedoras. They have jobs, attend church and a majority of them have no criminal record. According to the State of Alabama they aren’t responsible enough to enjoy whatever it is they enjoy behind closed doors. So I guess it is back to the “special” parties. Where wives and girlfriends gathered and “looked” at certain items. But wait, even that is illegal. The sale of a sex toy in Alabama after all is said and done, will garner a prison sentence. So along with sending Georgia’s children to college with Alabama citizens buying Georgia lottery tickets, we can also spend money in Georgia adult stores.



Sheila said...

Okay, I got a laugh out of the "greased pole directly to Hades." Of course any reasonably sane person would agree that this is a silly waste of time and law enforcement effort unless perhaps he or she was some Bible thumper and they are rather insane about a lot of things. But thank God, they are on the lookout for our souls.

Anonymous said...

what is a convince store???? huh???

Naomi said...

Great post. I live in England but this sounds like bureaucracy gone mad! Anne Summers shops are big business in England. They'd never get away with it there. (Anne Summers is a big chain selling underwear, sex toys and the like!)

Porn Tube said...

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