Monday, May 12, 2008

Ten Sure Ways to Win the US Presidency in 08’

All too often the common sense God gave a Mule is overshadowed by the sheer magnitude of partisan politics when it comes to winning the Presidential election. But I have the key to win, right here in this blog. And believe me if either Obama or McCain is willing or able to make the hard decisions and choose just 5 of these simple ways I am sure they will breeze right into the White House.

10. Create a true economic stimulus plan.

I don’t mean give taxpayers money so they can spend it, even though I am getting a new air-conditioning unit out of the Bush White House, I mean jobs are good. Stable life-sustaining jobs are even better. And yes, working at McDonald's is considered a job, only if you are 15 and living at home. Our fellow Americans need jobs so they can buy health insurance and provide for their families. Show us how you intend to bring back industry and the voters will beat a path to your door.

9. Show us how to disengage, albeit proudly, from Iraq.

You cannot criminalize yawning or jealousy. You cannot put a tax on love and you defiantly cannot fight a religious movement to resist the occupying infidels, P.S we are the occupying infidels, regardless of what the spin-masters say. There is a lot at stake, there thousands of American dead and tens of thousands of American wounded. Tomorrow, there will be interference from Iran in Iraqi affairs. The day after that there will be even more American casualties and the day after that even more Iraqi soldiers will abandon their post. Show us how you intend to pull out with grace and pride.

8. Show us a feasible Health care Plan.

Let’s face it; there are people who consider any help from the government a form of welfare. Mind you, government back student loans, Pell grants, farmer subsidies and corporate bailouts in their opinion are not. How stupid is that? Sorry for the rambling, where was I, oh yes. Possessing quality, and I do stress quality health care, is the difference between life and death…literally. Don’t believe me, show up at an ER without insurance and get treated like a cockroach-encrusted turd. The health care workers raises depend on the ability of the patient to pay. If you don’t have insurance…they all hate you. Make an affordable insurance, place caps on treatments, punish offending doctors, nurses and insurance companies for bad behavior and the Oval Office is yours.

7. Show us how you intend to control Immigration.

Okay, this is a hot button issur. The Republicans want to throw every Mexican, legal or not, singing Himno Nacional Mexicano back across the border. The Democrats want to embrace the Hispanic population. But the fact remains, what do you do? Easy, increase fines to astronomical levels for undocumented workers. Deport all persons who are not citizens and not in possession of legal worker status. Make only the legal workers children born in the US…US citizens. Make legal workers liable for taxes and obtain a temporary SSN for tracking purposes. The point is there is no easy answer for this. Either choice made is going to piss someone off. But show us how.

6. Show us how you intend to educate our Children.

America develops and implements technology so fast, the rest of the world has to keep up with us…with the exception of Japan. So why is it we are having gang fights, school shootings and teacher improprieties against students. I am tired of private schools touting their benefit to society when public schools are funded better. Do something different. Start over, fire some teachers, jail some parents and put God back in the classroom. Oh and classify the Atheist as a spiritual terrorist that will certainly stop the lawsuits.

5. Show us your war face.

Can you answer the red phone at 3:00am? Can you send missile strikes with impunity then roll over and go back to sleep. Or will you be so indecisive that you hesitate and the bad guy gets a jump on America. I don’t mean attack Idaho for something Pakistan has done because the terrorist went to Idaho for vacation once back in the early 80’s. I mean can you use the Military option with gangsta precision? Tell us when and how.

4. Publicly acknowledge global warming and your plan to fix it.

Melting polar ice and insane hurricanes…nuff said. Get to fixing the problem.

3. Show us your plan to ease the tax burden on, “Average American.”

Republican’s love tax cuts, as long as they are for people in the upper income brackets. Democrats love raising taxes for programs that don’t work and build a social dependence. Espouse your happy medium and get ready to take the oath.

2. Detail your plan to stir competitive research in alternative energy.

Most people feel that because their lifespan is too short to care about energy cost. Okay, well let’s put it this way. You are creating a disease that is making your life easier but is going to murder your children in the distant future; and they are too young to comprehend the ramifications of your actions. When they get older, that disease you designed has manifested and is making them ill, they are going broke poor trying to get well and then eventually your disease kills your kids real good. Are we on the same page? Show us how you intend to make life easier for our future.

1.How do you intend to reduce the cost and dependence on oil?

We can design war vehicles that can drive by themselves, X-Planes go into space on a tight budget and the entire country is going digital in 09, and you mean to tell me we can’t find an energy source that will put OPEC in the red. For goodness sake the average computer user has access to satellite images from Google and can shop for goods and services online while naked as the day they were born. Let China, India and Russia have the oil; show us how we can commute to work without filling up our vehicles at 4.00 per gallon.



manchmedic said...

Every one of these 10 points is valid. But I especially agree with point number 2. The very problem that you elucidate is one that is, for lack of a better word, perpetuated by most of our politicians. I think the reason is that they don't look at the long term and what is best for our children - they only look a few feet in front of them at their political futures. Pretty lousy, in my humble opinion.

As usual, Alex, you do it right. Nice post.


AlexD said...

Thanks Walt.