Bribing My Muse

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Once you develop your writer’s voice you will always have it, at least that is what I believe. But having a writer’s voice is not enough to make it in the industry you’ll need a profound and an almost perverse sense of creativity to be distinguished from the literary status quo. Just imagine if Spider Man was just another person bitten by a spider. No sticky finger pads, spider sense, or a cool blue and red uniform, nothing, nada, zilch, just a regular ole guy with a spider bite. Add a muse to the aforementioned spider bite, she in turn adds a dose of freaky radiation and a weak protagonist, and ba-da-bing a million, no, billion dollar idea. However, my muse, Calliope absolutely refuses to work unless I pay the Community Coffee and Splenda God or spend an hour on the elliptical at level 15. This Diva, wonderful woman of epic poetry, needs an attitude check.

But…

I bribe her anyway.

As my pants get larger and it is hard to see small type because my eyes are vibrating from the caffeine overdose.

I bribe her

Because I feel there is a movie deal, a yacht and a couple of near misses with insane paparazzi at the end of edit number 7.

I bribe her

But I do it begrudgingly because I would like to do my take on the author’s pose of sitting on a park bench, legs crosses, staring reflectively across rolling hills and wondrous vistas.

Damn it.


Watch this space.

~Vale~

On Writing a Book

There are literally thousands upon thousands of websites that offer advice on writing a book but there isn’t onewebsite that will write that book for you. Let me back up, there are plenty of people that will ghostwrite for you, including yours truly, but it wouldn’t be you writing that book. Nether the less, I decided to flip my literary skills into the paper ring and join the growing pool of those-who-have-a-book-in-Barnes and Noble and see exactly where my creative skills will carry me. Would my book find its way to the top of a pile of dirty books in the free bin at the local animal shelter? Would it succeed to the point of a million-dollar advance, a diamond-crusted Pulitzer dangling around my neck and a geeky paper sign that reads, “He’s the Man?” Or would my success leak out in the middle a literary limbo right next to those one hit wonders and authors who just don’t know when to give up. Well, I won’t find out, neither will you, until I pen the words, “The End.” Just follow along you’ll be amazed.

Watch this space.




~Vale~

Kung Fu Clowns

Sometimes you just have to laugh to shake the morning cobwebs off and this is that time. Kung Fu clowns is completely funny.





~Vale~