How to Find the Right Ambulance Service

Some ambulance companies are businesses just like McDonalds and Target stores others are tax based (municipal) or volunteer. With that being said this blog entry will teach you how to find the right commercial ambulance service for your medical transport needs.

First there is a difference between emergency transport and non-emergency transport. Emergency transport is simply defined the usage of an ambulance in cases where life or limb is being threatened. Non emergency transport is simply where life or limb isn’t threatened. Regardless if you have a toothache, a hemorrhoid, or a sore throat these ailments are classified as non-emergency, some ambulance companies won’t even bother billing your insurance they will just bill you directly.

Secondly if you need to go to a scheduled doctor’s appointment or you need to transport a loved one from one facility to another, you should call at least two weeks in advance. In this two week period you can either get approval or disapproval for your appointment. If you get declined ask for the cash price. And if there is more than one ambulance service in your area (or within 30 miles) you should call all of them. The lowest bidder wins.

Lastly, remember you get what you pay for. Some smaller companies offer the best price but the worse service and some larger companies will treat you like a number. It is best you do your homework. Calling local doctor’s offices, dialysis centers or ever emergency rooms to find out what service they recommend isn’t illegal. Having worked on an ambulance for 20 years I have heard my fair share of, “That other company sucked” or my favorite, “I should have called you guys first.” So look around and if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section. I will respond.


~Vale~

Operation Iraqi Freedom

I have not been asleep for the past 4 years. I have watching from the sidelines and silent complainer of events during Operation Iraqi Freedom. However there are Republican politicians who chose to treat the American public preschool children. I think not! When we (guilt by association) first pointed our war finger towards Iraq, when our target was clearly a man named Osama bin Laden (who admitted to his direct involvement in September 11th) I knew someone was not manning the helm correctly. When Saddam said he had no weapons of mass destruction and allowed UN inspectors to try and find them (back when his streets did not have IED’s) I knew that somebody dropped the glass ball. And when the four contractors were killed, mutilated, burned and strung from the Euphrates River Bridge, I knew those deaths were the start of something ominous.

The entire political shift from a Republican to Democratic controlled House and Senate was due entirely to a loss of faith in the Republicans Party mainly because of Operation Iraqi Freedom. In my opinion there is no other significant achievement that could have stopped their loss. It is this lack of Republican control that will bring our sons, daughters, wives, and husbands back home. I often catch glimpses of Republicans grandstanding and proselytizing on their shaky positions as to why we should stay in Iraq and I wonder how much marijuana do you have to smoke to ignore the obvious. Vice President Dick Cheney was even personally angered at the, “defeatist attitude” of the Democrats.

In the Republican’s myopic point of view, any act of opposition (verbal or written) to the continued death and dismemberment of our young and middle aged troops makes you a terrorist. My question is, “What makes me an American?”

Is it un-American to want to stop the IED’s from generating military funerals? Is it un-American to want our troops back home mentally sound? Is it un-American to disagree with changing war plans, troop increases and deployment extensions? Or Is it un-American to set a date for withdrawal from a useless operation? Staying the course is making matters worse. And in my opinion Iran is waiting to cross the border en masse to assist their neighbors in getting back on track…once we leave. Let them. We can chalk Operation Iraqi Freedom up to, “Things we should have not done” right next to New Coke, Yugo cars and Vietnam. Hey lets face it every country needs a McDonald’s. And I understand the relevance of creating a peaceful environment so that Democracy can flourish. Unfortunately to create this peace will take about a million troops, a really scary man with a black heart and stone face, and about ten years of unabashed violence on our part. And that is just not our style of governing. It is time to let it go.


I welcome your feedback.

~Vale~

How To Start Your Own Business

Starting your own business can be as simple as brushing your own teeth or as frightening as stepping off of a cliff into the unknown. How to start your own business is not as important as to why you are starting one in the first place. If you are starting one to keep up with the Joneses prepare to fall on your face. If you want financial independence or just a little extra income you might just make it.


Making the wrong choice in choosing a business to start is expensive. Finding a business niche is one of the places where you should spend a lot of your intellectual time and energy. Entrepreneur Magazine gives you a host of business options to choose from. Some of their options can be a little pricey. But it is left up to you to look around. I have found that what you know about the most is what you know about the best.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
-- Confucius

Now before you get disgruntled because you think it takes hundreds of thousands or millions to start a business remember it takes more determination that it does cash to start a business. Our country has the best business incubator in the world known as the Small Business Administration and best of all it is free. The SBA has an online resource guide for small business owners that tells you how to start your business from A to Z. Here is also the link to the Alabama Business Resource. Also there are small business mentors like Score willing to assist you if you have questions.

Once you are armed with the information and planning phase then it is time to start with your business identity. Your business identity is simply: your name and mission statement, what products you sell or services you perform, who you are as a business, and your tax structure under the watchful eye of the IRS. You can control your cost by bidding out your design work through Elance where thousands of companies bid on your business needs or through online companies like Vista Printing that offers free or discounted business supplies. Controlling your cost is essential to the survival to any business.

If you are looking for something to sell, EBay has a wholesale market. There are also independent liquidation companies that have plenty to offer. Have you ever wondered were stores like Dollar General and Family Dollar got their supplies click here? If you are thinking about international trade Alibaba has a great site where you can solicit bids from all around the world. Here is a link for finding international trade law. There is no limit to what you can sell or supplies you can find to make your business a dream. The first step is yours.

~Vale~

Video of John Edwards 400 Dollar Haircut

Personally... I see a Presidential Candidate trying to make sure he is presentable in the public eye.However the conservatives will ride this video into the ground just like they did...


~Vale~

Virginia Tech Massacre

I hovered patiently until the Blog universe’s chatter about Virginia Tech had slowed until I gave my own take of what happened during the Virginia Tech massacre. I understand that the Virginia Tech assassin was a disillusioned South Korean English major by the name of Cho Seung-Hui. He is described by the people that knew of him as “strange” and “depressed.” Being strange and depressed describes a lot of American college students. According to CNN he spent time in a mental institute for being suicidal in 2005. He is described by some of his teachers as being mean as well as weird by old college roommates.

Being in public safety for over 20 years I have seen a lot of homicides. I understand the difference between blind rage and methodically attacking your victim. Lovers kill in blind, passionate rage, Serial Killers are methodical. Get the picture? This young man studied his targets, probed and then executed 34 students and faculty with prudence and when he made his point he committed suicide. I am in no way glorifying his brutal actions. I am offering a rational view, my view, of what happened. I feel a true deep sadness for all those kids killed because one young man was sad.

On April 15, 2007 Cho was one of a thousand other disillusioned young people headed to Prozac lane. On April 16, 2007 he took a detour and became a monster. Now the media wants to point a finger at the staff of Virginia Tech for not being able to see through Cho’s angst and stop him before he killed. What they don’t realize there is no crystal ball. There wasn’t one for Columbine, Nickel Mines or Red Lake. And we have learned from those school tragedies placing the blame does not raise the dead. Placing the blame only kills careers.

Virginia Tech as well as the local Law Enforcement did one of the most fantastic jobs in keeping its students alive. I bet you a dollar to a huge bucket of doughnuts their survival plan was not written down. There wasn't a “In Case of Angry Asian Guy Attack Plan.” I applaud the faculty for what they did as well as the students who survived to help others. And I hope from this incident there is not a knee jerk response to arm our college students or ostracize those people whom we deem unfit.


~Vale~

How to Change Internet Browsers

If you have been using a computer for any length of time you must realize that there are pop-ups, viruses, spyware, malware and a host of mutant toolbars waiting to infect your machine in cyberspace. Internet Explorer however has a perpetual flaw that allows these wayward items to exploit your computer. (Not due to poor design but time in service) However during this blog entry I will show you how to change internet browsers in a flash and offer you some suggestions on which ones to try. The most popular browser on the net besides I.E is the one I currently use is Mozilla Firefox.

Mozilla Firefox is an open source program that allows you the user to customize the browser for your usage and best of all it is free. This browser comes with a pop up blocker, about forty different themes or skins to change the look of your browser as well as a host of utilities that allows you trick out your browser. The first thing you have to do is download the browser package and then install it. After you install Firefox it will ask you do you want to make Firefox your default browser check “Yes.” It is just that simple.

Opera is also a free web browser that is not as interactive as Mozilla Firefox but better than Microsoft’s Internet Explorer. It is of straight forward design with it tabbed browsing, pop-up blocker, zoom detail for tiny characters on websites and it can be skinned like Firefox. However Opera is limited to what utilities, if any, can be added to its browser and it free just like Firefox. Its download and installation process is just as simple as following the prompts and BAM you are up and running.

There are a host of free web browsers out there but Firefox and Opera are the two main ones The Apocalypse Papers recommends on its “How to” Monday. If you have any suggestions or comments about a free web browser please don’t hesitate to leave it in the comments section of this blog entry. And please don’t forget to subscribe to The Apocalypse Papers.


~Vale~

Rutgers Women's Basketball Team

After a “slip” of the tongue the news network summarily beheaded Don Imus’s television career. Imus hadn’t a chance in hell in reversing what he said about the Rutgers Women’s Basketball Team or apologizing to the public by taking a verbal asswhooping from Al Sharpton. Don Imus’s on air racist remark was not an isolated event. It was the last remark in a long line of sexist, homophobic and racist remarks that cost him his job.

Rutgers University has a long history of proud alums with James Gandolfini AKA “Tony Soprano” (B.A. 1983) being one of them. Regardless of the team’s racial makeup and the condition of their hair they are prospering students. Rutgers takes pride in their Scarlet Knights event thought they lost to Tennessee. These young women have their futures ahead of them and deserved better treatment that what was given by Don Imus. It is obvious that MSNBC and CBS thought so also.

With things that are so screwy going on in the world right now I am pleased to see a swift response to a serious problem that was not wishy-washy. Now if we could do something about the N-word in rap music things would be a whole lot better for my kids.


~Vale~

Larry Birkhead

I am pleased that the mystery of Dannielynn’s actual father has been solved with the help of high tech DNA testing just like a Scooby mystery. There was a CNN breaking news alert when the results were announced. A big red bar was splashed across the CNN website as if Osama himself walked into a Hardees restaurant. Personally I am glad to see this mess over with. There are other pressing world issues at hand I’m sorry. I caught a glimpse of Mr. Larry Birkhead with his arms extended obviously happy that he was the father. I quickly turned the channel opting for a paid advertisement for the Ab Lounger.

Frankly one of the first things Mr. Larry Birkhead should do after all of these proceedings is to get tested for HIV and any other STD that might be out there. Because at last count there were four potential fathers that means four unprotected partners and so forth and so on. But I am sure that is of no concern of his because if you look at the picture you notice his arms are up in exaltation not as if he has custody of a motherless child nay, but the fact Mr. Birkhead hit the proverbial jackpot.



~VALE~

How to Find a Free Virus Scanner

If you are like me you spend a lot of time on the internet and as we all know the internet is full of viral land mines. These viruses can either be a real nuisance or do major damage to your files. This blog entry will show you how to find a free virus scanner.

There are two types of free virus scanners available on the internet. The first is an online scanner. This type of scanner will enable you to scan your computer from its website. However the drawback is if you have a slow connection or heavens forbid a dial up connection this online scanner is not for you. This is a great option if you think you have a virus and your current virus scanner is not picking it up. (Just remember to disable your active virus scanner when choosing to scan online) Whenever I am repairing computers and need a good online scanner I typically use Pandasoft or Kaspersky. However you can run across other online virus scan sites but beware these sites can sometimes scan your computer and the charge you to remove the viruses. Don’t fall for those.

The second type of scanner is a free home licensing scanner. That means you don’t not have to buy this scanner just download and install. In my opinion the two best free scanners in the industry is Grisoft’s AVG Scanner and Avast’s free download version. I like AVG because it updates smoothly and constantly scans your computer. I like Avast because it does the same thing as AVG but it has a siren and a visual warning bar that will pop up you if your computer gets a virus. These scanners typically have a trial period then you have to send them an email to get the unlock key. But hey it is better than paying. If you are like me you like anything free that works. So every Monday I will be posting a “How To…” blog entry that will spotlight free things on the internet. And don’t forget to subscribe to The Apocalypse Papers rss feed. Thanks.


~Vale~

Alabama Legislature "Goat Hill Seven"

I never thought I would see the day when a politician or in Alabama’s case, seven politicians would refuse the one motivating factor of their office…money. All seven of them are Republican and somehow decided that this pay raise was not in line with what was best for the Alabama people. Mind you this action did not come as a pre-election stunt to get more voters especially with the next election being held in 2010. I feel this move was genuine and a true measure of what politicians should be like. As I said in one of my previous blog entries,there are so many full time state employees that could benefit from raises it is almost a slap in the face to ignore them. These seven choose not to ignore them or the people they serve.


Senators Ben Brooks (R - Mobile), Del Marsh (R - Anniston), Harri Anne Smith (R - Slocomb), and Rep. Paul DeMarco (R - Homewood) Senators Bradley Byrne (R - Fairhope), Hank Erwin (R -Montevallo), and Larry Dixon (R - Montgomery)


Let me clarify something, I am not against a fair and equitable raise for our legislators. I believe our lawmakers and community spokespersons should be able to vote in comfort, eat, and resided in decent surrounding while doing work for us, the people. I believe they should be well dressed (not Armani suits or Dolomite shoes) because of their need to interact with the media as well as public. However I am against a raise that is so far out in left field that is almost laughable …a 61 percent raise of laughability. These seven thought it was laughable also that is why they filed the required paperwork refusing the raise and continued on their merry way.

Being a staunch independent (because no single party has all the right stuff) I applaud these lawmakers. I am saddened by the fact that not one Dem mingles among them or even decided to donate part of their ill gotten salary to charitable organizations (even as silly as that seems). I will be watching as one by one (hopefully) as lawmaker after lawmaker begrudgingly files those papers to keep their same salary. Then when it is all said and done those communities represented by the greedy will know who to exactly vote out of office.


~Vale~


P.S This is my 50th post…

YAY ME!

13 Days of Captivity Ends Nicely

Diplomacy and “old timey” politics work. President Ahmadinejad in an act of “kindness” released the 15 captives, unharmed, un-beheaded, un-molested back into the arms of the British people. He asked on behalf of his captives that they NOT be punished for their statements made during their captivity. He also was critical of the fact that a mother (Turney) was sent to the Gulf in service of the Queen. He asked in Farsi, “…Why don’t they respect family values in the west?” He is also stated as returning the captives as a gift in celebration of Muhammad’s birthday (March 30) and the passing and resurrection of Christ (Easter April 8th). Read entire Yahoo article HERE

Now with all respect to the President of Iran I can truly say someone has to be the bigger man. Ahmadinejad had the right to put his captives on trial; he had the right to execute them one by one to the uproar of the entire world. But he did not exercise his right. He used his Presidential powers and with the flair of a master politician swayed the entire British nation to his side. He did not have to impress America all he had to do was impress America’s allies and create a doubt (however small) about our mission in the Middle East and who the Iranians are as a people.

The funny side to this entire crisis that there are Iranian bloggers who say this move is typical of Iranian politics. As well as American bloggers who wanted to open a nice frosty can of whoop ass on the Iranian people for actions against British people. I made it clear in my previous blog entry there is no room for a conventional war across the Iranian border. Our military is stretched so thin that diplomacy is the only option for any other crisis that may occur. Even British Prime Minister Tony Blair says he has no ill will towards Iran. President Ahmadinejad’s move to release his captives was a transparent one however I say “old timey” back slapping, glad handing and back room politics is a hellava lot better than servicemen with missing legs and grave markers.


~VALE~

Coming Full Circle

Diplomacy isn’t dead. It is hidden under the folds of sheer aggression and testosterone. Learning to listen is just as important as understanding WHAT is being said. Looking at the Iranian Hostage Crisis (version 2.0) it is obvious that the Iranians want something in return for the British Marines. This is a trying and sensitive time for both sides. But it is at this meeting table I am pleased there are Brits and Iranians. Because I am sure my beloved America would have not negotiated (at least not publicly). We would have simply let our soldiers be slaughtered then requested more funds for the war effort. And honestly there is no way in a purple-colored hell we could fight Iran.

This scenario has played out before in the Carter and Regan years. Sadly I am old enough to remember our own hostage crisis (version 1.0). The captives were paraded around blindfolded as anti-American chants filled the air. President Carter always looked stressed as he answered question after question daily pertaining to the hostages. Looking back, it was almost if his sole term practically consisted of dealing with Iranian hostage takers. I remember in elementary school I had to write a report on this event and wondered why people had to be so mean (Ah, to be naïve again).

Well gentle reader you know the rest of our hostage story: the hostages were released on the first night of Presidents Regan’s watch, Iran-Contra, Oliver North, yada, yada, yada. Well at least we did have a proverbial “Ace” in the hole. At the same time Iranian students and followers of the new Islamic regime had hostages there was a war going on. It was during this war our friend and ally was provided with the best technology America could create, just so we didn’t have to get our hands dirty, a sort of payback if you will. If you couldn’t figure it our friend was Saddam Hussein and our ally was Iraq. Now that we are out of the loop we have to sit back and watch to see what happens next.


~Vale~

Here's My Cape

After 20 years of service on an Ambulance I have finally decided that enough was enough. There was no fanfare when I made that decision; there were no tears, just unmitigated disgust. The sole basis for this disgust is that I should have done it sooner. I am only angry at myself. I truly love health care and the awesome people you meet along the way. It is just that EMS is an industry that has not evolved far enough to keep from loosing its people. Simply put, EMS eats it young.

I love to hear people say, “you are doing a wonderful job” in my opinion it equates out to the same as, “I wouldn’t do it if you paid me.” Let’s face it, EMS is the combination of three careers, Fire, Nursing and Funeral service. To this day we still perform all three duties by working 24 hours like Firefighters, giving medications like Nurses and recovering body parts like Morticians. But we all paid way less hourly than any of those three. However the demand for Paramedics today is so high in Alabama that street level Paramedics are making upwards of 60,000 dollars or more a year. (The reason being that there are more people leaving the field than there are graduating.) WAIT, before you quit your job and head to EMS school there are some things I should let you in on:

1. 24 hours without proper sleep can lead to Ambulance crashes.
2. 100 hours of overtime in two weeks means you have no life.
3. Divorce is mandatory.
4. What holidays?
5. People who wreck their cars sometimes have HIV.
6. Apathy is your sidekick.
7. Nightmares are free of charge.
8. Bad knees and lower back strains are also free
9. Other Allied medical personnel couldn’t do your job but they
make more than you.
10. There are no bag pipes when you die and there is no benevolent
fund either.

My career has not been all that bad I have met a lot of people, saintly as well as demonic. I have seen what the power of community can do, as well as what happens when no one cares. I have held the hand of the dying and joked with the depressed. I have felt the pain of loss by losing fellow Medics to heart attacks and strokes. (As well as overdoses and gunshot wounds to the head.) Believe me this is not the ranting of a clinically burned out medic… because there is no such diagnosis. I will leave the lights and sirens to the few Paramedics exiting school as I study to be a nurse. Why a nurse you ask? Because hospitals don’t flip on wet roads, blow tires or force you to go to blows with a homicidal patient.

~VALE~

American Apocalypse

I went to a small coastal town on the west side of New Orleans yesterday. The 5 hour drive from Montgomery Alabama was awesome. I listened to NPR on different affiliate station as I maneuvered my way along the Gulf Coast from I-65 south to I-10 West crossing the Pearl River into Louisiana and then to I-12 West towards my destination. The roads were fairly clear and patrolled heavily by troopers. I only hit light congestion outside of Slidell. After finding my destination and completing my task (Ok, a job interview) I figured that a quick stop off in New Orleans for a couple of hot Beignets and a cup of coffee complete with chicory would be great. I would not get either.

I went on my honeymoon in the Big Easy in 1994. New Orleans was vibrant and multicultural with its French décor, wrought iron fences and people with their thick Cajun accents. The smell of boiled crawfish and Creole spice was everywhere. The sound of Jazz filled the humid autumn air as my new wife and I walked down Canal Street making a right on Bourbon Street. We were both transfixed by this wonderful city. There were sidewalk cafés with chalkboards filled with the day’s special in colorful chalk. Their alfresco tables were adorned with white linen tablecloths, silverware and napkins as waiters weaved their way between customers filling empty water glasses. I fell in love with this place called New Orleans. However I would only visit it one other time and that was yesterday.

On my way into New Orleans I couldn’t help notice street after street of boarded up buildings, destroyed homes, and my personal complete sense of loss. There were buildings with marks that showed where the water level was after the levees broke. There were large trucks hauling debris up and down the roadways. There was a military presence. Listening to the radio (between the conciliatory ads from Allstate Insurance Company and the numerous calls for volunteers for the recovery effort) I realized that New Orleans was now the murder capital of the U.S. That fact alone did not scare me. The fact that rats were everywhere did not scare me. The fact that this disastrous event that scattered a population of people, deluged a city by a Biblical flood and showed that we were not ready and could never be ready for something on the scale of Hurricane Katrina…scared me senseless. (There are no pictures that could actually show the complete destruction or recovery, be mindful this is almost two years later) Once I got my eyeful of sadness and with my belly growling I exited the city and headed back to Montgomery Alabama.

~Vale~

Alabama Legislative Pay Raise

Alabama Legislators felt they deserved a 62 percent increase in pay and incentives, so they voted it in. Be mindful that this increase is retroactive to the day they were elected in November 2006. So these state lawmakers will be receiving hefty paychecks for their part-time work. Am I angered by this? Am I incensed that these part-time elected individuals are using the system to their benefit? Well I am as mad as any Alabama tax payer should be. But the kicker is, if you think those dissenting voices will refuse their raises in protest…you have another thing coming. However my question is where is the money coming from for their raises?

I cannot see what is so hard about being a legislator. They are in antique surroundings. They have heat and air-conditioning. They do not have to break rocks, cut grass or wash windows. They are not in danger of armed 13 year old drug dealers or bi-polar football players. They don’t have to operate asphalt machinery in the direct Alabama sun. They do not have to deal with felons, repeat offenders or shoot outs. All they have to do is meet, vote, discuss meeting to vote and eat lunch. Is this elected job really deserving of 50 thousand dollars a year? (The key word being elected)

I heard a Senator or Representative say on WSFA that this increase was so the average man could survive if he became an Alabama State Legislator…hot hogwash. In my opinion an average non-political person could not run for the statehouse because campaigns are extremely expensive. We are talking at least a couple hundred thousand to a million dollars for a 50 thousand a year job and you might not get elected. This job is not meant for the working man and woman. Let’s face it we have been duped again.

~VALE~

Man Dogs

Walking in Montgomery’s Shakespeare
Park I noticed dog owners taking advantage of the same beautiful weather as I. There were large short hairs, small short hairs, tiny long hairs and dogs that didn’t walk but were carried. But what actually caught my attention was a man slowly turning in circles on the side of the paved walk way. As I cautiously approached I noticed he was holding a tiny leash. And as I drew nearer I realized there was what resembled a dog on the end of that leash. This thing was so small it disappeared into the uncut clover! If I had on gloves I would have removed one walked right up to him and smacked him on both of his cheeks!

What has become of man’s best friend? Where did dogs like Old Yeller, Lassie and the Saint Bernard with the small barrel of rum under his chin go? What ever happened to the junk yard dog or the dog that could out run you on your bicycle? I remember as a kid that dogs had jobs. They rode on the back of pickup trucks to protect your tools and your beer cooler. They played fetch. (Try playing fetch with a tea cup poodle). They might have slept indoors but not in your bed. They went fishing with you. They went hunting with you and occasionally peed on a tire that you owned, so he owned it too. Man dogs used to be really, really big dogs. Now big dogs are out of style.

In my opinion an itsy-bitsy dog is just another bill. It cannot protect your home. It cannot warn you in case of a fire. It could not stop an intruder or even scare one. (Actually I have been to a homicide where the owner’s tiny dog was still alive). What in the world would a person, especially a man; want with a dog so small it could hide in a shoe? A dog so little you have to carry it and worry about it being stolen. Why not get a goldfish? I would not possess something that would allow my family to be robbed or hurt and then still wants to be fed. No sir. I want a dog like a Japanese Tosa. This hundred-plus-pounds of man dog can bark and instantly the whole block knows who’s king. This dog is so big that it would be feeding on an intruder when you got home. Just like real dogs are supposed to.

~Vale~

United Bandits Association Local 771

What in the name of all things holy did a New York mugger prove in robbing a 101 year old woman? She was pushed, shoved, man handled and then knocked to the floor. And the sad part was that she walks with a walker. Did he realize if he is ever caught, every self respecting convict will be after perverted liberties with him, just to prove a point? (Prisoners do have code of ethics, go figure) This person has truly lost man points. Mugging this hyper elderly person who had no visible means of protecting herself ( even if she was standing in a gun store) was the same as knocking out a two year old, then professing your strength as a boxer. Come on.

This had to be some one who did not want a challenge for his ill gotten gains of 33 dollars. This mugger has to be the laughing stock of the entire prison industrial complex in America. Can’t you just imagine the conversations that are going on in local jails and prisons? If he is ever caught he will be considered a “trophy” for the arresting office and a prison “trophy” (as in Big Bubba’s possession). Need I explain more?

If he really wanted to be considered a criminal of the highest order he should have robbed one of New York’s infamous Piru or Skyline Blood gang members with a fake pistol and then bragged about it. That robbery would have not been a media event; he would have gained street credibility all through New York, if he wasn’t murdered in retaliation first. But the point is, being a thief, especially a Lilly-livered thief, who made his escape on a bicycle after robbing a centenarian has to be in my book lower a man who wears pantyhose because he likes the way they feel.

~VALE~

Dangerous Dad

I saw a video that actually sent chills down my spine. The video showed a clip of two teenagers giving pot to a 2 YEAR OLD and a 5 YEAR OLD. These small children knew how to hold the joint. It was apparent they had done it before. This scene disturbed me to the point I had to take a couple of 800mg Motrin. If that had been my own 4 year old with his pudgy little lips wrapped around that joint, there would not have been enough police at the hostage situation I would have caused. The headlines would have read, “Distraught Dad Detains Duo.” In my opinion there are some things you just have to be willing to go to jail over, and I think the safety of your own children is one of them.

I have seen so many tragic, vile and despicable things done to children as a Paramedic. This video should have not bothered me…but it did. Children are voiceless victims who are at the mercy of their villains, they cannot protect themselves. I have seen them physically abused, sexually abused, mentally abused and often murdered. And this video is one example of irresponsibility on the part of the teenagers and definitely the parent(s). Our children are assets pure and simple and they should be treated as such. Being a parent myself I know this makes me bias, but who cares this is my blog. These young men are apparently irresponsible to point where a couple of years in prison should be mandatory. And I would be willing to drive them there myself.


These two kids are now in protective services (thank God) but now mom wants them back. Ok, first let me take a deep breath. Mom had to have noticed the pot odor on her kids. That is the first thing a parent does after being away from them all day is get close enough to touch and then SMELL their children. It’s automatic. You can tell if something is wrong when you are that close, if they have a fever, or if they have been in something they shouldn’t have been, i.e, perfume, medication, or cake. Moms are notorious for doing this. Dads are not as quick to do it but they still do it. I know I do. I think these kids should remain in protective custody until those teenagers have been sentenced.


~VALE~

Competition Trick Eating

Breakfast buffets are awesome. There are mounds of sausages, bacon and scrambled eggs waiting to be piled high onto a plate. There is all you can eat and drink a literal cornucopia of breakfast goodness. I recently went to a morning buffet and after paying went immediately to the custom omelet line. Standing there I watched as the egg chef hurriedly folded each omelet before passing it to the next waiting customer. I casually turned to make small talk with the gentleman behind me when I noticed he was so large he could barely breathe. He coughed and snored as he stood there sweating profusely while holding on to the very thing that was killing him…his plate. Upon seeing this I stepped out of line. I know I must have seemed crazy but I put my plate down and looked around the restaurant. The dining room honestly looked like a pasture full of grazing animals. The only small people I saw were the waitresses, waiters filling empty glasses and cleaning the bar. The rest of the small people were walking outside of the restaurant. I grabbed one high fiber muffin, drank two cups of coffee with Splenda and paid my bill. I actually smiled as I walked out of there.

Buffets have to be the epitome of food waste and oral hedonism where chair after chair of super morbidly obese people sit and consume massive calories until they wobble away. There is nothing wrong with having a variety of foods to choose from but something has to be said or done about competition trick eating. Buffets should actually come with a health warning on the door that reads,

"Caution the contents of this establishment will cause obesity; diabetes; hypertension and heart failure consume at your own risk!"

I believe we as a people are so quick to throw up a red flag for such things as: smoking, drinking, illicit drug usage, promiscuous sexual behavior and sex toys. We forget that consuming mass quantities (sorry Coneheads) causes just as much damage to the body as a gunshot wound. Yet as still, there are buffets all over the place creating one stroke victim at a time.

I know my beloved South is full of delicious foods that have fed families for generations. Our older generations talk of drawing water from wells, feeding hogs, chopping wood, walking to school and church, as well as filling barns with hay. They practically did not have enough time to sit still to gain weight. They were active people who associated being overweight with being lazy and greedy. They had to have a large meal in order to survive. But when you put these items on a hot bar with a sneeze guard and then ring the slop bell, things quickly get out of hand. Remove the heavy labor and you are left with double chins, diabetes, and dimply butt cheeks. And people so big they snore when they are awake.

~VALE~

Sex Toys and Elvis

Sex toys are banned in Alabama. I read this article about a sex toy ban and thought of the movement to ban Elvis and Rock-N-Roll. There was a movement across the south to ban Elvis’s music because of his sound, his look, and his obscene gyrations. There were political essays, sermons and newspaper articles about his music. Elvis was going to corrupt the youth of the south and cause the morality infrastructure to collapse. Citizen councils took up arms to protect the fragile minds and even more fragile souls of decent southern youths everywhere. Well you know the rest of the story. Elvis went on to be a mega star that died on a toilet. But the aim to apply morality where the application isn’t needed has succeeded.

I cannot think of a time where I read or heard of a person being assaulted with a 12 inch dildo. Imagine this; a dastardly criminal folds himself into a dark corner and BAM! He sex toys his victim! OH the horror, OH the humanity! What has befallen the poor victim? Whatever should they do? The police arrive and ask “what color was the vibrating egg o’ doom and could you pick it out of a line up?” Suddenly there are midnight vigils with candles, soft hymns and prayers that the sex toy abuse would stop so we may all live in peace. This ban by far has to be the most idiotic thing I have ever heard of, when there are other things the Attorney Generals Office could have fought to stop. I want my tax dollars back! I want my tax dollars back NOW!

Go into any convenience store in Alabama and look on the counter in front of the cashier. You should see one of three items: jet-flame styled lighters, flavored cigars and roses in glass tubes. To the untrained eye they are mundane quick stop clutter. But to a professional eye they are: crack or meth lighters, marijuana “blunt” makers and crack pipes. Because these items blend so well into the store they go unnoticed. These items should be banned from Alabama. Now if the Attorney Generals Office wanted a crusade they should have picked drug paraphernalia. I would’ve totally agreed with that move. Because drug addicts often rob, steal and kill.

Sex toys are private items that should be readily available to Alabama residents that have reached the age of majority. I have been in an Adult store and there is no greased pole directly to Hades in there. Trust me. There are men and women shopping who giggle and blush like teenagers. They are responsible, loving adults. Not the seedy, salivating, sex fiends they are portrayed to be. They do not wear trench coats (at least not in the store) and large fedoras. They have jobs, attend church and a majority of them have no criminal record. According to the State of Alabama they aren’t responsible enough to enjoy whatever it is they enjoy behind closed doors. So I guess it is back to the “special” parties. Where wives and girlfriends gathered and “looked” at certain items. But wait, even that is illegal. The sale of a sex toy in Alabama after all is said and done, will garner a prison sentence. So along with sending Georgia’s children to college with Alabama citizens buying Georgia lottery tickets, we can also spend money in Georgia adult stores.

~VALE~