Friday's Rant

I am a realist. A stone cold, matter-of-fact, realist that knows if the US runs out of oil the obesity problem in our country will be solved. A realist so plaintively aware, that I know that there is not a chance in hell the US would fight Iran, prevent Russia from stomping through its own territory or find a cure for anything. So why are we subjected to constant lies by the media.


Wait.


They think we are mentally-retarded lambs. Ah-HA! I get it.


They think we are too stupid to think for ourselves, yeah whatever.



Also, there has been this awww moment where an illegal alien in a coma and the hospital wants to send him home…because he can’t pay his bills. So what are they going to do with the rest of the patients receiving indigent care? Exactly what they are doing to this guy and believe it or not, hospitals have been doing just that for loooong time.


That leads me to say that cash is the best health insurance.


Yep, now you know the secret of health care, stone, hard, C…A…S…H.


Pakistan’s Pervez Musharraf resigns before he is impeached. And I am wondering if we will ever find Osama. Because Musharraf most likely knew where he was and OH, he held the keys to the Pakistan’s nuclear arsenal. Now, Pakistan slowly descends into madness.



The world holds its breath.



As President Obama picks his Vice-President not that the VP really matters but there is really nothing else on TV.



Besides the Olympics but who wants to watch old news when the medal results are on the net.


That leads me to this.



Why is there this incessant belly-aching because China has a 13 year old girl competing in gymnastics? Really, we are talking about China here. The Communist country that still has forced labor re-education camps, internet censorship, executions of political prisoners and makes toys covered in lead paint? Or are we talking about the China that has the best General Tso’s chicken imaginable and has created one awesome aquatic center. Either way it goes make a deal with the devil and get the smell of sulfur in your clothes. That’s what I say.


Lastly,


There has been an up-tick in insurgent violence in Afghanistan.


Roadside bombs are killing more and more American soldiers everyday and the Taliban has become more aggressive. What are we to do? I hate the words, “We are winning,” because it looks like a rotten stalemate from over here.

~Vale~

College Humor's:POWER THIRST 2

As the Senior Writer of The Apocalypse Papers I happen to love a good laugh. This video I have embedded is called Power Thirst 2 and it has MENERGY! Watch the video and tell me if you get a good laugh by submitting your comment below.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

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Five Websites of the Day

Counter Spin: I heard about this website on NPR. Counter Spin is the truth as it should be all packed into a website. If you are brainwashed by your party affiliation you will receive debriefing here.


U.S. Gas Prices: This is an interactive site. Nuff Said.


HD Wallpapers: Beautiful wallpapers for your LCD screens. There is a myriad of folders with great pictures that will make your laptop the talk of the town.


Friv: A cornucopia of flash games to waste time on. I love this site. Some of these games are mouse only and some are keyboard only. Just click and click until you find one you like.


Scam: If you ever wanted to find out if that home based business was a scam. Click this site. There are forums that coverer everything from MLM to Nigerian Email Scams.




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A Lot Has Changed

As a kid growing up in the Black Belt, I watched as grown-up touted the vile, Godless nature of Communism and its controlling nature on its populace. Well, not in those words but you get the picture. I sat watching Michael Phelps swim like Flipper taking gold after gold in a Communist country that still executes its people with a bullet behind the left ear and makes the family pay for it. And I thought to myself, boy a lot has changed.

It is not that change is bad. But I believe that change is a relative event. Meaning it only applies to the current mood of the people. I think 10 years ago Ellen could not wed her girlfriend and Obama would not have had a chance in hell of becoming the Democratic nominee. Now you have city governments that are legislating fashion and a high school for gay and transgendered students. Late at night if you listen real close you can hear the dead doing summersaults in their graves. My eyes have seen a lot. And I intend to see a lot more. But where is the line drawn in the sand?

I am not espousing that I have a moral high ground, nay. I am saying where do you draw the line in the sand? Personally my line is drawn when people are allowed to marry animals. Yep, that is my line. As Americans we have broken so many social taboos I had to find one last social taboo bastion that is untouched by human hands. And the day someone is allowed to marry Fluffy or Fido, I will be the first on a picket line.

~Vale~

Do You Remember...

...the Pinto?

How would you like to have this rolling crematorium today? I know I would. But only after I did some rear gas tank modifications and removing out the eight track player. At 25 miles per gallon it is almost worth it. However I said, "almost." Buy one here.

~Vale~

Lame, Lame, Lame-OH

I never thought for a million-billion-trillion years I would have turned as “uncool” as my parents. I figure myself to be a progressive 30-something, who has all his teeth, no bald spots and tries to keep the weight from spiraling out of control. I think I have done pretty well myself. But there is something that really…um…how do I say this…pisses me off. Yeah, that’s the word, “pisses.” And that is some snotty nosed 15-19 year old that says lame to every associated to my age group. So I decided to turn the lame flashlight around.

There are a bunch of things that teenagers like or do, but personally, I consider really, really LAME

Piercings through the eyebrow, lips, nose, ass-meat and belly-button especially if you are a boy. Lame

Pencil-leg jeans, La, la, la lame.

Lower Back tattoos…Lame oh, God yes, after three kids and 400 Big Mac’s will it be ever so, so, so lame.

North Face Denali whatevers and you are unemployed….La ah HA Lame

Miley Cyrus…and Hanna Montana yep you guessed it…double L…A…M…E and am I the only one that thinks this kid looks creepy?

Any statement that begins, “You are too old to understand” Lame but I am old enough to do something about it. HA! Lame Again.

Teen Choice Awards….Boo, Hiccup, Lame

120 dollar disposable shoes…friggin lame and hell no I won’t be buying a pair.

High School Musical…I can’t hold my nose and type so I will just go peeeeewwwww. Lame. Grease was waaaaaay better.

EMO anything, what in the school shooting hell is that all about? They wear black because they are what…vampires, golems, spooky little snots that need an ass kicking. Lame.

Shaggy DA Bangs in the front of your head….Ruff, Ruff Lame

Sagging pants beneath your butt cheeks…now illegal but very lame first.

Ras Tafari? Haile Selassie? Don’t have a clue, well cut those dreads out of your head because they are LAME!

Walking through the mall with a 300 dollar cell phone but only 20 dollars in cash your MOM gave you…LAME.

Smoking weed, Lame as hell and how do you think a majority of you retards got here. Lame.

Flunking math, flunking English but then wanting a 200 dollar X .0.9 tax plus the gas to get to the store to buy a M…A…R…C….E…C…K…O jacket to wear around the house. Lame

Not seeing the military as an option because you are a self proclaimed peace, loving, tree hugging, go green person as you blow shit up on Halo 2 while throwing paper basketballs at your friend with the AC on full blast. Lame.

Christian Rock…Yeah, she kissed a girl and she liked it. She got some ‘splaining to do. LAME

Tiny dogs named: flutters, stutters, piffy, spankie, pootie and such. Pssst…Lame.


That freaky computer speak that MaKEs eVERYthing UpANdDowN. WatEVR HA8res. LaME.

Scoring low on the ACT and SAT and then getting upset because you can’t get a scholarship to fix tractors or even a friendly handshake. Lame.

Well I think that’s enough for now. But if you have some more lames you want to put on my blog just leave me a comment.

~Vale~

Hello Dolly

Ladies and Gentlemen I direct your attention to a potential hurricane forming off of the Yucatan Peninsula and I could never be more annoyed than if Hurricane Chris decided to run for a Republican Senate seat. There is no possible way to stop this tropical storm from entering the warm bath water of the Gulf of Mexico. And it is in the gulf where Dolly will churn and grow almost as powerful as Hurricane Katrina. Where Dolly will head after that is anyone’s guess.

The Weather Channel, of course, has regular updates on Dolly, as well as NOAA, however I am not so concerned about the potential devastation Dolly will cause. Hurricanes, ahem, often do that. I am concerned about the magnification of automobile and diesel fuel prices after land fall. Take a look at a picture of the Gulf of Mexico looks empty…right? Well take a look at this map of the gulf. What did you see, oil rigs, shipping lanes, oil platforms, barges and so forth and so on? So I guess it is time to get the walking shoes out, dust off that old bicycle and go on a diet. Just remember look to the left of this page for oil updates and don’t forget you read it on The Apocalypse Papers first.

~Vale~

I'm Old Gregg!!!

If you like to laugh this is the video for your. It contains words like, "Mangina" and "Downstairs Mix-up." This video is 10 minutes long but will leave you laughing believe me. I am still yelling, "I'm Old Gregg." This sketch comedy is from The Mighty Boosh. Hey, sometimes the monotony of adulthood has to be broken up with laughter. Have fun..."I'M OLD GREGG" HA Ha Ha Ha.

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Atheist Soldier

Jeremy Hall is an atheist. He is also a U.S. service member who has served in Iraq. Now, the problem is, Jeremy Hall has been ostracized, criticized and threatened by his fellow service members for his personal religiousbeliefs. This in my opinion is wrong. He is protected by the First Amendment. Jeremy Hall states after two tours in Iraq he, “lost his faith.” I can understand that. But I think that if he has, “lost his faith” he should at least keep his mouth shut and blend in with the crowd, because nobody likes a loud-mouth god-less creep. Just like no one likes a loud-mouth, righteous, fire and brimstone quoting, proselytizing, church bigot. It is difficult enough to observe and participate in the horrors of war.

Combat has done a lot of things to a lot of men and women. Some will return home from battle and live a normal life. Some will return broken and heavily medicated. And some will never come home at all because bombs sometimes completely vaporize human flesh. During wartime the only escape from the guilt is to try to cultivate an inner peace, because combat is dirty and the brutality of man is in high-definition and uncensored. This cultivation often comes at the end of a sermon given by a Chaplin. It is a comfort to those who need it. If Jeremy didn’t need religious peace he should respected those who did. Me personally, I never attended Sunday service during Desert Shield/Storm. However I did find, “Foxhole Religion.” I never forget that smoke-filled night. We were dug-in and under fire by the Republican Guard (yes the Republican Guard did fight.)I remember praying as AK-47 rounds and scud missiles flew willy-nilly around the battle field, “Please Jesus, just let me kill every mother fucker that is wearing the wrong uniform…Amen.” My squad leader who was crouched down beside me whispered, “That goes for me too Lord.” I respect Jeremy’s right for religious freedom. But I think he is irresponsible for his actions.

Five INSANE News Stories

I deplore megalomaniacal rants by puritanical, self-righteous bigots who think they secrete strawberry-scented feces. I prefer criminally-dirty rants like Foamy the Squirrel, Hail Foamy. I want a rant that is scathing but succinct, factual and objective. So when I decided to write this rant-like entry I thought of all the news topics and blog entries that made me do a double take and go…What? And the entire week has been a roller coaster of “whats.”


5.Tweaker Goes on Murder Spree.

Eight people died as a result of this Meth-addicted mans rampage. They were as old as 93 and as young as a toddler. If you are a Meth-addict, “You SUCK.” And the cops were surprised because this was out of character for this waste of human space. He should be dressed in a mini-skirt and thrown in a cell with those who haven’t seen a woman in years so he can be humped to death.

4.Teen Looses Head over Hat

Six Flags over Georgia is an awesome place to work. I should know I worked there for four years. This amusement park strives to maintain a family atmosphere and beauty. There are safety classes, safety briefings, safety posters, safety drills and safety gear. There are safety inspections, safety personnel and safety stations. But there is one thing Six Flags over Georgia has invented or possesses and that is a spray to stop stupid. Every ride in the park clearly direct riders to secure all loose items. But, if you hop several fences, ignore every sign and subsequently get your head lopped clean off you deserve it.

3. Mugabe steals election

Imagine being able to do whatever you want to whoever you
want, any time day or night with total impunity. You have a country for a playground an army for muscle and all the money, gold and diamonds, you could imagine. However, if you lose the election the populace will seek revenge. You and your sympathizers will be summarily executed in the most violent and creative of ways. If you were Mugabe, would you allow this to happen….of course not.


2.Medical Helicopters Collide in Broad Daylight

I have been in my fair share of helicopters. I have experienced several mishaps and numerous near misses. But what I don’t understand is how two, 2, dos, helicopters could collide in broad daylight. Let me set this up. Medical helicopters are restricted from flying in less than ideal conditions, i.e. low cloud cover, fog, rain or a combination thereof. So someone had to be goofing off.

1.Skyrocketing Health Care Cost

Imagine that even with health care insurance many hospital procedures are still too expensive. Well…believe it or not this happens in America almost every day of almost every hour on the hour. It’s like this. The insured suffers an injury and needs treatment. After the crisis has passed and the patient is better, a hemorrhoid is cultivated by the greedy hands of the hospital and the dirty man-tool of the insurance company. Because the insurance plan only pays 60 to 80 percent of a previously agreed upon discounted price. The customer then has to pay the balance between what was billed and what was paid. This could mean thousands of dollars. Where is medical transparency when you need it?

~Vale~

Unique Website of The Day

I am a stumbler and I stumble a whole lot, more than I actually should. And during my writer's block moments I find quite a lot of dead websites that need to be erased from the web, the webmaster flogged and the hosting server torched and then there are some sites that need an award. Go ahead click the title link. I am sure you will be pleased.

This image found on wiki media commons

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Pictures of Dubai

What do you get when you mix cheap labor, 140.00 per barrel oil and people who absolutely reek of Euros? One word…Dubai. This was a place that was just sand and coastline only 20 years ago and if you look at Dubai now you don't have to wonder where all the money comes from. Obviously, Dubai is not on my list of must see before I die. Simply put, because when I do, and I will, become fantastically wealthy, Dubai sits too close to Iran and Oman and who knows when those two countries decide that Dubai is too decadent for its own good and BAM it's all reduced to goat-land with a Mosque planted in the middle. Here are some pictures.














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Top 5 Brain Games

The links below are not your average brain teaser games. No sir. These activities are designed to test brain function and believe me they are waaaaaay harder than they look. After a couple of test I felt clinically retarded. Yep. Surely did. But hey look on the bright side the more tests you take the greater your mental acuity. At least that is what Confucius says.

Try this for instance

A blind beggar had a brother who died. What relation was
the blind beggar to the brother who died?
"Brother" is not the answer.

Who was the blind beggar?

Feeling retarded yet, if not take these test below.




Test 1 The Stroops Test


Test 2 The Senses Test


Test 3 The Tower of Hanoi


Test 4 Memocoly AKA Simon on steroids


Test 5 Games for the Brain


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SNL Mirror Skit

I have been a SNL fan since they were in a comedy club. And every now and again a skit comes along that just makes me almost piss my pants with laughter. The embedded skit below is called the, “Mirror Skit" and it was found on YouTube. The skit is a parody, what SNL skit isn't, of horror movies that always show the [insert scary thing here] in the mirror as a way to startle the audience into a complete frenzy. Enjoy.








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Top 20 Mobi Sites

If you own a “Smart Phone” then you more than likely have the internet. I love my Blackjack, even though this is my third one, but finding the right sites for my phone almost drove me mad. So I decided to go on a little mission and this is what I found after culling Cantoni Mobi’s list down. I didn't make each site a hyperlink just in case you wanted to try them out on your phone while reading this blog entry.

20. http://mobits.com/digg/

19. http://www.apnews.com/

18. http://slashdot.org/palm/

17. http://mobile.slate.com/

16. http://m.flickr.com/

15. http://m.npr.org/

14. http://m.live.com/

13. http://m.twitter.com/login

12. http://www.pdahomepage.com/

11. http://www.funformobile.com

10. http://m.towza.com/

9. http://www.google.com/xhtml

8. http://m.askmenow.com/aspx/frmMain.aspx

7. http://mobile.usa.gov/

6. http://pubmedhh.nlm.nih.gov/nlm/

5. http://wapedia.mobi/en/

4. http://mobile.time.com/

3. http://www.menshealth.com/mobile/

2. http://mobile.orbitz.com/

1. http://www.pocketpcmag.com/mobile/mobile.asp


These are just a few of the sites that I frequent with my pain in the assPDA. These sites load fast and have minimal bells and whistles. Have fun.


~Vale~

How to Find a Good Eatery

If there is one thing I hate more than bad advertising is a bad restaurant with great advertising. And I have been duped more than my fair share by the shiny lights and catchy jingles that have preceded wilted lettuce, watered down drinks, grumpy waitresses and half-cooked chicken. Even thought I am not tricked as often, I am still occasionally fall for the coin behind the ear.

I am like most people. I often visit restaurants that have an established food standard and menus that rarely change. But every now and then I get a wild hair up my posterior that causes me to stray badly. It starts by a yearning for something different as my insane explorer side takes over. So I sit down and try to decide by surfing the internet and reading reviews of the different local eateries, wrong move. Surfing for a restaurant is like test driving a car you found in the newspaper by flapping the pages. But after years of hitting and missing like a Ford with bad cylinders, I have realized something…I have been going at it all wrong.

First, restaurants that have that certain je ne sais quoi do not need much introduction; their customers speak for the quality of their food. They often have an abundance of customers that are loyal and are fat professional eaters. This restaurant will not be found on the front page of any culinary magazine, nor do they care. They have excellent service as well as awesome food. These restaurants are true diamonds in the wood pile and they do not use the phrase je ne sais quoi.

In order to find these gastronomical diamonds you have to go on a physical search. This search includes driving around the restaurants that offer your favorite style of food and waiting for the noon or 7:00pm rush. If there isn’t a rush, then more than likely there isn’t much to the eatery. If there is a rush, look at the age of the crowd, the physical size of all parties in the crowd and if there are any families. The rationale is because young people are often weight conscious and that equates to boneless, skinless, fat free cardboard cut-outs of chicken and steaks, skinny people eat skinny people food which equates to a huge salad bar with vegetables galore, fake bacon bits and fat-free salad-flavored water, and if there are a lot of families then there is a variety of food. However the presence of older people is a plus. They represent reasonable prices and fatprofessional eaters are a gold star because they mean the food is flavorful and abundant. So look for the fat old people.

Next, walk up to the restaurant and inhale. Can you smell the food? You can’t imagine the restaurants I have been to where there is absolutely no odor coming from the exhaust. Like an idiot I went inside and the food was just as odor-free and tasteless. And that has happened a lot. But there have been restaurants that have made me drive in circles until I found the origin of that wondrous smell.

Lastly, go inside the restaurant. Who said you had to eat a full meal? Order a drink and a cheap appetizer. This is where a decision can be adequately made. I have very rarely had a bad appetizer and a great meal or vice versa because both are born in the same kitchen. Notice everything about the restaurant, look at the waiters and waitresses are they busy or on their cell phones. Slowly eat your appetizer and look at the meals being served. This should give you a full picture of what is going on. I know you are asking, “Who has the time for this?” And I say, “You do.” Because there is nothing worse than paying for a horrible meal and the gas it took to get there.

~Vale~

12 Things Paramedics Know

If you want to know what the quality of life means ask someone who has a couple of months to live. They will give you an unabashed and guilt-free answer to what it means to be alive. Because with every breath they take they have one less to give. EMS is composed of people with that quality of life mentality. Paramedics and EMT’s are professionals who have a stark look at life. Because there is nothing more eye opening than seeing some one who is tip-top shape, perfect physique, low cholesterol and awesome blood pressure get killed by a bus filled with fat people and their greasy fast food bags. So here are the ten things Paramedics know, but won’t tell you willingly.

12. Life is more precious than you can ever imagine.

11. The quality of life is inherently more important that the quantity of life.

10. Darwin was right, natural selection does work. Because the addict that abuses Meth, Cocaine or Oxycotin eventually exits the gene pool with a startled expression on their faces.

9. Dead people sometimes have startled expressions on their faces.

8. There is a 1:1 chance that you will die, period.

7. Our elderly citizens are our greatest resources.

6. Marijuana smokers started as cigarette smokers first.

5. Properly fitted seatbelts save lives, airbags work and will sometimes break your nose but neither matter if you are thrown out of the car.

4. Respite for the caretaker is just as important as taking care of a loved one.

3. Addicted crack smokers will qualify for disability faster than the person who has worked all their lives and really needs it.

2. The bottom graduating medical student in a graduating class is still called, “Doctor.”

1. Not all hospitals are created equal.

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Legal Limit Waistlines

Can you imagine your insurance company penalizing you if your waistline exceeded legal healthy limits? Or could you imagine your employer making you pay a higher premium on your health insurance because you had the dreaded, “Muffin-Top” or “Dunn-Lap Disease”? If any sort of legislation passed like that in the U.S there would be a raucous cheer thrown up by ever Paramedic with a bad back. But believe it or not…such legislation exists…in Japan. Yes in the land of tiny cell phones, Godzilla and scrumptious but creepy Geisha there is a policy that men and women between the ages of 40 and 74 had to meet a certain size in their waistline.

This article was found in the Asia-Pacific section of the New York Times and written by Norimitsu Onishi

Under a national law that came into effect two months ago, companies and local governments must now measure the waistlines of Japanese people between the ages of 40 and 74 as part of their annual checkups. That represents more than 56 million waistlines, or about 44 percent of the entire population.
Those exceeding government limits — 33.5 inches for men and 35.4 inches for women, which are identical to thresholds established in 2005 for Japan by the International Diabetes Federation as an easy guideline for identifying health risks — and having a weight-related ailment will be given dieting guidance if after three months they do not lose weight. If necessary, those people will be steered toward further re-education after six more months…
So Japan has figured out that fat people are costing them money with their sweaty necks and size 36 pants. But the real kicker is that there are people that are against this effort to save money and make the Japanese population healthier. However there are people who are against a healthy population.

critics say that the government guidelines — especially the one about male waistlines — are simply too strict and that more than half of all men will be considered overweight. The effect, they say, will be to encourage overmedication and ultimately raise health care costs.
Yoichi Ogushi, a professor at Tokai University’s School of Medicine near Tokyo and an expert on public health, said that there was “no need at all” for the Japanese to lose weight.
“I don’t think the campaign will have any positive effect. Now if you did this in the United States, there would be benefits, since there are many Americans who weigh more than 100 kilograms,” or about 220 pounds, Mr. Ogushi said. “But the Japanese are so slender that they can’t afford to lose weight.”

These people also probably believe that smoking is a great stress reliever. But anyway you dice it, Japan has the right idea. But you can read the article by clicking the link in the title. If we had a healthier population there would be cheaper health care and fewer deaths from over consumption. But hey that’s just my opinion.


~Vale~

Hillary's Sore Losers

The Democratic Nominee is Senator Barak Obama. He is an advocate for change. And we all know that change is need in the American political arena. Personally, I would vote for Satan himself if it meant I would get a break at the pumps or the price of food would go south. But the truth of the matter is, Satan is not running, Obama has won the nomination and Hillary has lost. However there are some Hillary supporters that would rather vote for Senator McCain than Obama. Go ahead; click the title link for their site. You will be amazed at the level of retardation some people possess. And I think they are the worse kind of voter imaginable. What madness.



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Pictures of Pedophiles

The law is the law. When an adult has improper contract with a child, charges must be filed and the person removed from society. However, if you are a female and the child is male charges are not always applied fairly. If you are guy and perform the same horrible act, then the entire leather bound book of jurisprudence is lobbed at your head. See for yourself…click the link in the title of this post.This was found on College Bars, check them out.



~Vale~