My 100th Post!!!

I did not know how hard it was to be a committed blogger until I started, “The Apocalypse Papers” last May. When I first placed character to blank Microsoft Word document, I had no clue what was in store for me and curiously over the life of this web-log, I have made some pretty dramatic life changes . My very first post entitled, “Signs of the Times” was my warning shot into the abyss of rants and rambles of online bloggers. I thought it was pretty good, but I got zero comments. Ha. What a first post. I was proud of my entry and directed it to anyone who had a computer and online access. Such naivety. So here are the top 20 things I have learned during my first 100 post.

20. There are bloggers with much larger vocabularies than my own.

19. Online readers need consistency with blog postings.

18. If you plan to make money online it is best to use eBay.

17. SEO Optimization works wonders

16. Commenting on others blogs will bring plenty of readers but not many subscribers.

15. FeedBurner is awesome…and I do mean awesome.

14. Never ever stray from your subject matter.

13. Use pictures, video, and games because text all the time will bore your visitors.

12. Always document where you got your pictures from or take your own.

11. Leave the artsy, speculative, and whiny blogs to those artsy, speculative and whiny bloggers.

10. People love to laugh but they surely don’t want to cry. Crying is bad.

09. Changing topics can sometimes throw your audience around.

08. Having a picture that shocks visitors is always good but document your source.

07. Limit your blog entries to 500 words or less.

06. Link, link and link again.

05. John Chow is my hero.

04. Learn how to use Blogger and WordPress.

03. Blog entries done in mean spirit will come back to haunt you.

02. Limiting web add-ons to your blog you will increase the load time.

01. Making money is great. But making sense is better.


~Vale~

Art Blakey & The Jazz Messengers-Blues March

I have to admit I am a huge Jazz fan. So it was only fitting that I post one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite artist...Art Blakey. Enjoy!



P.S He would be the one playing the drums.

~Vale~

First Professional Contract

Being paid to do what you love is so hard to do. So when I got my first professional contract as a medical writer, frankly, I was stunned to my underwear. The reason for my astonishment was not because I didn’t think I had the skills to write. It was because an editor perched high upon an ivory tower thought the same thing. Now that is not to say that I didn’t receive praise from family members and friends (here comes the conjunction) BUT they don’t count…WAIT before you think I have become an ingrate. Remember this…family and friends will lull you into a false sense of stardom, having you believe that you are the illegitimate child of Stephen King. This well meaning, but corruptible, praise is the equivalent of a mother’s love for a hideous child. And painful, truthful opinions are what you need when writing. Lots and lot of painful opinions that rip through your ego and make you bleed through your edits over and over again. It is through that professional punishment you find the way to success.



~Vale~

Attorney General's Resignation

The Empire that invaded Iraq, suffered our men and women of the armed forces to roadside bombs, tour extensions and terrible V.A care is disintegrating before our very eyes. With the recent resignations of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, Karl Rove and Tony Snow, it is apparent that high level staff members are distancing themselves from the lame duck president before they get bird flu. The primary thought on everyone’s mind is the mess that we, yes we, have gotten ourselves into in Iraq. And it is this mess, in my opinion, that has led to resignations and plenty of everyday conservatives scraping the pretentious black and white “Dubya” off of their gas guzzling vehicles. One should not be so shallow as to think that the Dems had anything to do with his voluntary resignation. The Attorney General’s resignation probably came on the heels of actionable intelligence that the sky was falling and it was time to move out the way.



~Vale~

Werewolf

Occasionally, I stumble across a video on the internet that piques my interest and challenges my ability to maintain a straight face and oh yeah...





if you laugh you are going straight to hell.



~Vale~

Hurricane Dean

Since tropical depression number 4 has shed his number and evolved into a tropical storm Dean, it is safe to say he will further evolve into Hurricane Dean. The bathtub warm water of the Gulf will make this very possible. I try hard not to be the manic harbinger of doom, but after the tremendous devastation I’ve personally witnessed along the Gulf Coast I felt that a hurricane survival strategy should be made ready now and not when Hurricane Dean is making landfall. So here are some helpful tips:

1. Plan your escape route from the storm.

2. Keep a full tank of gas, a working spare, a usable jack, radiator fluid and motor oil.

3. Have waterproof tarps, duct tape and trash bags on the ready.

4. Find a cheap battery powered radio. Most local radio stations give updates as to storm direction, road closures, detours, as well as shelter information. Not bad for a cheap radio huh?

5. Have non-perishable foods and food that can be eaten cold i.e., Vienna Sausages, mixed vegetables, Spam, beef jerky, granola bars (caution granola will cause o ring blow-out if you don’t drink enough water), energy bars, as well as sweets.

6. Make sure you have 12 bottles of 16oz or 20oz of water per person for at least 3 days.

7. Hand sanitizer, spray disinfectant and baby wipes…lots and lots of baby wipes.

8. Protect your important documents, waterproof your picture albums, and back up all your computer files on discs.

9. Know that the call to evacuate is not a drill. Your promptness to react or lack thereof will be the difference between a cot in a shelter or a slab in the morgue.

10. Keep copies of your prescriptions, important addresses, personal identification and make sure you purchase a calling card (cell phone networks can be overloaded).



~Vale~

Ten Marriage Codes of Conduct

I feel that marriage is an antiquated institution that has lost all meaning to our society. Being married used to be the first step after maturing as an adult and the step next to death. But in my opinion it has become a bus stop to frequent travelers. The pomp and circumstance of being a Bride has overtaken the true essence of becoming a wife. JUST as being a Groom has overtaken the true essence of being a husband. And in my opinion there should be a handbook, short course, test and lab before being issued a marriage certificate. This thought process may come as comedy to some and scathing cynicism to others but I don’t care.

If you look at the wedding announcements in any U.S newspaper you will see lots of photos of the smiling faces of Brides, amidst the gentle grimaces of the Grooms. This highly pretentious announcement should come with a score in the upper right hand corner of their photo. This score should dictate their direct understanding and passing of the Marriage Codes of Conduct. If it is a low score the guest should give only congratulatory cards with five dollar gift certificates. If it is a high score the guest should give to their hearts delight. If you are laughing, laugh at this…how many weddings have you attended where the marriage didn’t last as long as the flavor in a piece of Peppermint Gum? Seriously.

Having personally survived a divorce I went on a quest to understand what it took to make a marriage last. While transporting and interacting with literally hundreds of elderly couples I asked numerous questions. I wanted to see where I went wrong.Yes, I was wrong...some of the time.Some of their responses were prophetic and some of them were pathetic but the truth remained they were in relationships of longevity. The elder couples had almost an identical core of ethics that keep them together. I prefer to call them the Marriage Codes of Conduct. Ten of them are listed below:

10. Don’t mess with the money. I was told that addicts of any kind will obliterate a marriage.

9. There is no such thing as, “Yours and Mine” there is only, “Ours.” One elderly woman said she was going to flatten her husband’s tires after his long night out with the boys, only to realize SHE would have to pay for them.

8. Think like a couple. I was told that newly married people mistakenly think in the plural instead of the singular.

7. You cannot blame 100 percent of a marriage’s mistakes on 50 percent of the relationship.

6. Single friends give bad advice. They are single for a reason.

5. Divorced friends give even worse advice. They are divorced for a reason.

4. Ex-wives, ex-husbands, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, should under no circumstance provide: a soft shoulder, a listening ear, a word of wisdom, a place to visit or a nod of approval. They are an EX for a reason.

3. Marriages make children, children do not make marriages.

2. Love is one of the jewels of the relationship, not the ring. This surprised the complete hell out of me when a wife of 40 years said, “There were years I didn’t love my husband.”

1. Trust is essential, respect is essential but responsibility is of utmost importance.


In a lot of my conversations I found out that the older couples wanted their marriage to last. I found out that most of the couples felt if your potential spouse was horrible before the wedding they will be horrible afterwards, with a legally binding agreement. In my efforts I found out that the key to an extended marriage is the direct result of knowing WHO you are going to marry an accepting him or her and NOT hoping that through marriage they will change.

~Vale~

Carefree Diet

Today marks one full month since I began my vegetarian lifestyle. I refuse to call eating only nuts, fruits and vegetables a, “diet” per se, so the term, “lifestyle” will have to do. There are several things that I have learned during this month. For one avoiding meat also means items that are associated with meat(meat flavored vegetables included). Take for instance it is unnecessary to use honey mustard dipping sauce or Ranch if you are not eating chicken strips, Heinz 57 Steak Sauce does not taste good on rice and mayo takes on a porno-esque quality if you are not eating a ham sandwich. So by avoiding those meats I inadvertently eliminated a tremendous amount of sugar and fat. The word of importance is inadvertently.

During this month I have also realized that when one has a moment of meat weakness. One pays for it in the form of a bellyache and scalding flatulence that would kill a blind goat. That said flatulence will also wake you from your nightly slumber. I have realized that eating fruits and vegetables chock full of fiber my colon stays clean…believe me there is no way to stop the cleansing process. When it is time to go you are almost too late.

But seriously, I have lost close to 18 pounds and the strange thing is that the cellulites that used to surround my man legs have disappeared. I feel lighter because I have purged the dense animal muscle and fat from my colon. I have noticed my face isn’t as oily as it once was and that I don’t get hungry as fast. I have noticed that my clothes are getting bigger and my belly smaller. I continue to read everything looking for those dreaded words, “Animal Protein” or “Animal Fat” and I have more energy to exercise. As of tomorrow I am headed into my second month and will keep you posted of my success.


~Vale~

Using Saltwater for Fuel

It isn't very often there is a news clip about something useful however I have found one today. Inventors like this is why I feel there should be a 1 billion dollar prize for the next "Green", totally renewable fuel source. Enjoy!





~Vale~

Grandma Gone Wild

If by looking at the photos below you suddenly thought of the Crypt Keeper from HBO's Tales from the Crypt, you were definitely not alone. I would say implants at 90 are not sexy. I would say implants at 90 are Anti-Viagrial at best and take up precious space for CPR. This woman is walking birth control. The words for this Grandmother should be, "NO GRANDMA, DON'T!"These photos are from the Portuguese Blog( which is in Portuguese by the way) ,Largado.Futeboltotal.com and I am sure they would appreciate if you visit their site.

~VALE~

Awesome Rock Band-Wolfmother

As a lead guitarist I enjoy playing as well as listening to Rock and Roll. Recently I stumbled across this awesome rock band called Wolfmother and let me tell you Wolfmother REALLY DOES ROCK. Personally I enjoy such artist as: Jimmie Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, CCR, Allman Brothers, Santana, Pink Floyd, The Rolling Stones, The Black Crowes, Lenny Kravitz, The Eagles, Body Count, Rob Zombie, Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave, KISS and Marilyn Manson. However when I am not listening to my personal collection of music, I frequently scour the Internet and music channels for new artist. I consider myself sort of a Rock aficionado. By listening to the first couple of guitar riffs and bars of a song, I can just about tell you if the group that playing is worth your time. But every now and then I run across a group or song that has promise. And gentle reader let me tell you for this brief moment in time it is Wolfmother. Enjoy.








~Vale~

Domestic Violence Shelters for Men

While serving in communities across Alabama for over 20 years I have responded to numerous domestic violence calls. For each call I have answered I become more and more appalled at the level of control (mental and monetary) the abuser has over their victim. However, in my opinion, the domestic violence law of Alabama, in is too broad and needs revision. The law allows for the smallest of visible physical evidence to be used solely as a catalyst for arrest. This is not fair to the husband who has grabbed his spouse, to prevent her from stabbing him to death, thus leaving physical marks, resulting in him being arrested. I have seen it and the police officers, who have a tough job anyway, generally dismiss his claim based on a lack of evidence i.e. penetrating stab wounds to the husband’s person or his cold corpus delicti. This might come as a shock to my female readers everywhere but believe it or not the man is not always the abuser.

Personal compliance with Alabama’s Domestic Violence Law is mandatory as it should be However if you are found actively violating the law when the police arrive you can find yourself arguing with the business end of a police officers black can of mace or his Taser. But having treated patients second to domestic violence I realize that not all patients are female and not all females go to jail when they are the abusers. But to espouse upon my revelation in the previous sentence would take a 6 part miniseries. That is something I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. However when the man is at the receiving end of spousal abuse where does he go?

When men have reached the end of their marriages or are forced out of their marriages they are thought of as being tough enough to handle it. Emotions are something true guys don’t have a great command over. The key word is true. Believe me surprise divorce papers have killed plenty of husbands, with depression, alcohol and drug abuse killing more than that, and cheeseburgers ,meat lovers pizza’s and 20 year old girlfriends taking out the rest. But who do the steel workers, meat eaters, hunters, soldiers, fathers, husbands and protectors turn too when they need some time reassess their position besides jail? I am one of those men who have thought of that previous question and frankly I am appalled that the society who all too often emasculates men for being men has no way to save the dying breed of real men.

I have an idea. I personally vote for that creepy looking mansion, surrounded by Texas thorn bushes, nestled deep in the bowels of a dark forest. This place would be well equipped with man stuff like a shooting gallery, smoking rooms, furniture made out rough logs, a well stocked free bar, bathrooms with urinals and toilet seats that are welded down and oh yes I almost forgot a brass stripper pole right in the middle of the building. (Hey it’s my idea I can put what I want in it.) Therapy sessions would consist of tackle football, impromptu boxing matches and road trips to Vegas. And when it all said and done the man can go back to living his life happily knowing there are better things than a bad relationship.




~Vale~

The Verdict is In

Don Siegleman and Richard Scrushy will not be able to read this blog entry. As you read this both of them have been remanded to the Montgomery County Jail awaiting assignment to a Federal Prison which could take up to 45 days. U.S. District Judge Mark Fuller sentenced Alabama’s former governor to 88 months and Richard Scrushy the founder of HealthSouth to 82 months. Their attorneys will have 10 days to file an appeal. The Siegleman and Scrushy sentences also include restitution, fines, community service, parole, family separation, and public disgrace. I watched the details unfold on WSFA and asked myself, “How many more are out there like that?”

Lord Acton’s famous words of wisdom, “All power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely” has validity beyond Acton’s foreseeable expectations. Politics itself is a favor based institution it always has been and forever shall be. There is a host of politicians that have fallen by the waist side (pardon the cliché) and there are many more just itching to be indicted. Politics itself is a host of a social disease called greed and it is highly communicable. Looking for an honest politician is like looking for the cure for cancer. The cure may be out there but we will catch immortal hell trying to find it. It is just that simple. Bribery is a way of life in politics and it shows when there are concessions made in an effort to appease one politician to sway his or her vote for the common good of the group. Yep that’s bribery.

I do not feel sorrow for these two men nor do I feel sorrow for their families. Both of these men are wealthy. Both of these men have absolutely nothing to loose but time. Their families will enjoy the life that they are accustomed to and will not miss a beat. But I wonder…I wonder when the first decision was made by either man to accept a less than legal gift, or when either man decided to pay someone off. I wonder if they felt remorse or got a thrill and I wonder what both are thinking at this very moment as they don orange jumpsuits and know they are over 6 and a half years away from their release.


~Vale~

Week One

I started my vegetarian trek one week ago today and let me tell you I have never felt better. I am not eating pork, beef, seafood or poultry but the most amazing thing is I don’t miss them either. During this week I learned that fiber does things to your bowels that is embarrassing even when you are by yourself and is extremely cleansing during that special time of the morning...yay fiber. I have learned to look closely at food products before buying to make sure they don't contain animal proteins. I learned that fast food restaurants actually stink of cold fryer vat grease, rotting vegetables and spoiled meat and that I could buy McDonald's for my niece and nephews without as much as craving French fries. I also found out that you can make a vegetarian meal out of rice, beans (with out the perfunctory pork strip) and sautéed mushroom and be completely satisfied. And to top it all off I have lost 5 pounds…amazing. For those who would like to try eating this way to for one day here is a menu courtesy of The Apocalypse Papers.


Breakfast:

1 cup and half of bran cereal with half a cup of Soy Milk
I slice of whole wheat toast with teaspoon of peanut butter or jelly
1 Cup of coffee with non-dairy creamer and with/without artificial sweetener
1 Bottle of water

Lunch:

Two cups of green salad, with tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, banana peppers,
and olives (or fresh veggies of your choice)
(Trick: slice and season your tomatoes and cucumbers with salt, pepper and garlic powder before adding to salad)
One tablespoon of Catalina Dressing or Vinaigrette
Two shakes of Bacon Bits (The FAKE kind it will say no animal protein on the bottle)
One medium sized apple or piece of fresh fruit of choice.
Two bottles of water


Snack:

Half a cup of nut of choice or peanut butter sandwich or small serving of Pringles Potato Chips or trail mix


Dinner:

One cup of rice without butter
One cup and half of canned or frozen beans cooked and seasoned to taste.
(Try this: sauté mushrooms until tender in olive oil add Dales seasoning Dales is already salty so be careful) Toss in a couple of onions just for a special effect. Combine all the above items.

Two bottles of water





~Vale~

PLUPON:Math Game for Geniuses

Besides being highly addictive Plupon will make you have lost basic math skills and honestly the only thing you have to do is add three balls up to ten. (The trick is to not react to the slowness of the game.) Have fun!

10 new flash games every weekday at gamesforwork.com

~Vale~

Riverdance Rap

This is a viral video I am sure will have you laughing and linking to The Apocalypse Papers. Just press play and dance along.





~Vale~

Top Five Technologies to Watch

I am mystified at how technology is leaping forward every day. I watch as computers get faster and faster, cell phones get smaller and lighter (can you say choking hazard) and L.E.D lights take over traditional light bulbs. But nothing has amazed me more than the top five up and coming technologies listed below.

5.HHO Gas

In a nutshell this process is where distilled water is split into hydrogen and oxygen by using electrolysis. Then those gases are then used as a fuel source to generate a flame that is cool to the touch but will heat brass to the melting point in seconds.

4. Computer Storage Space:

Developers are in a race around the planet to develop larger storage devices in a smaller package thus making cell phones smaller as well as computers more powerful.

3.L.E.D. Lights:

It might sound strange to think of LED’s to be a technology to watch but remember there is such a thing as the, “Butterfly Effect” and besides blue light LED’s are shown to reduce acne.

2.Wave Energy:

As the planet gets warmer and sea levels rise there will be stronger and stronger waves as well as horrendous storms. You might as well make use out of the renewable and clean energy being released This technology is already being tested.

1.Hydrogen Based Fuels:

I think this technology is the number one for said reasons: A. Anything grown has to be cultivated and cultivation requires a tremendous amount of energy in the form of chemical enhancement and vast amounts of land so bio-fuels are ,in my opinion, a waste of time. B. Hydrogen exists all around us and any technology that includes its usage will go very far.



~Vale~

Funniest Video To Date

Ok let me set this up for you. This video is of a fake skeleton sitting on a remote controlled motorcycle. The prankster is on a microphone speaking(I am not sure of the language) through the skeleton. He is well hidden so his victims are none the wiser. Watch as these people ,who happen to be walking past a cemetery, get the scare of their lives.




~Vale~

Top 11 Ways to Beat the Heat

News agencies around the country, especially the ones in the Southeastern U.S, will soon be running “spots” on how to handle the summer heat. As usual they grab some doctor from their busy practice to repeat the woes of summertime. And at the very end the physician says, “If you think you’re experiencing a heat emergency don’t hesitate to call 911.” Well guess what I am 911 and here are the top eleven ways to beat the summer heat.

11. Acclimatize yourself to the heat: Start out small with one minute during the hottest part of the day then increase your heat exposure to 5 minutes or greater. Living, working and driving in the air-conditioning makes us more prone to heat exhaustion because it lowers your temperature threshold.

10. Small meals in the heat please: If you think you can eat 2 pounds of food from a buffet and then walk around 90 degree weather heat you are sadly mistaken. It takes heat to process the food you have eaten. Heat plus heat equals…you guessed it someone vomiting on the sidewalk.


9. Electrolyte replacement works but water works best: If you prone to sweat like a fat man in a cake race then I would suggest Gatorade or Power Aide but water is king. Besides water is sugar-free, fat-free, and calorie-free plus your body loves it…even if you don’t.

8. Stay away from Sweet Tea, Soft Drinks, and Alcoholic Beverages during daylight hours: Personally there is nothing like a good cold glass of tea in the heat but that should never be the only thing you drink.

7. A wide-brimmed hat works wonders in the direct sunlight.

6. Keep check on the frequency and color of your urine: This is a standard question Medical Emergency professionals ask, “How many times have you used the bathroom today and what color was it?” Translated “Hey retard did you know that honey colored urine means you were low on water?”

5. Sunscreen, Sunscreen, and Sunscreen and did I mention Sunscreen: SPF 75 if they have such a thing.

4. Wear brightly colored loose clothing when outdoors: Reflects light, and creates airspace yada, yada, yada. It keeps you cool. There is no reason to have J-Lo tight jeans in 110 degree heat unless you are trying to bake a potato in your pocket. Come on.

3. Act like a child: Case in point if you ever watched children play outside in the heat, you know they are constantly in and out of the house, drinking water, cooling off and returning to play, take note.

2. Know the signs of heat exhaustion and heat stroke: Heat Exhaustion will make you dizzy, lightheaded, perspire like crazy and flushed in appearance. Heat Stroke will make you cold and clammy and have an increased core temperature and send you into a coma. Both are bad. Both can kill you. If you suspect either one is happening call 911. Remember that.

1. Keep an emergency re-hydration kit in your car and home: This should consist of a case of water, wide brimmed hats, spray bottles, cold packs, and towels. Because you never know when your power will go out or your car will break down.


~Vale~

On Becoming Vegetarian

I have decided to try the Vegetarian lifestyle for one month. This decision is not a direct result of my compassion for tasty livestock. But it is due, in part, because of my health. Now I am the first one to light up a grille and throw thick steaks and succulent burgers onto the pyre of all things delicious. I admit it. But I figure if I wanted to lose a little weight and lower my cholesterol at the same time becoming a Vegetarian just might work. Ok, a month will not accomplish the above goals. But you really can tell if you are cut out for something in that amount of time.

Doing research for this blog entry my searches brought me to different Vegan websites. But what I was looking for were recipes for a meat/meat by-products free lifestyle. While surfing I found out that there are really some hardcore Vegans out there. Some of those people on those sites look as if they would hug a tree until they got splinters. I refuse to be that drastic. I don’t just want to eat fruit and lettuce like a rabbit at every meal either. And I don’t see myself drinking Wheat Grass juice and singing Kumbaya around a camp fire weeping loudly for Mother Earth. Hell No. All I want is a couple of do’s and don’ts for becoming a Vegetarian . It should be simple right?

While reading the Wikipedia entry on Vegetarianism I immediately became confused. There are different types of Vegetarians, imagine that. But it appears that a lot of the non-meat consumption can be broken into subsets and those subsets into further subsets. Some don’t eat meat. Some don’t eat berries. Some will eat only fish. Some will not wear silk or eat honey. These people are crazy. Some will strain their water to keep from drinking the water bugs. Some are making a political stand against the slaughter of delicious animals and their in humane treatment. What in the mother of all diets is going on? All I wanted is a simple answer to a simple question. Well I looked at this site and realized I had my work cut out for me.

Starting a Vegetarian diet is simple but there are meat land mines. Everywhere you turn there are animal proteins enhanced foods including those found in white cane sugar. I have decided however that I will stay away from all known animal proteins. Simply put if it can be bought in the meat section or knowingly contains meat or has dairy or eggs in it I will avoid it at all cost. I know this shot my plans for 4th of July out of the sky but I think it will be for the best. Just look for me I will be the one eating salad, fruit, and nuts at the nearest Bar Be Que.


~Vale~