Support Your Local Paramedic

I always say, being pissed off is better than being pissed on. And boy, am I pissed off. I hate sounding whiney and I really don’t like to complain. Because I have a solemn belief that if you are comfortable with misery you are destined to make it to the top (that aforementioned belief made me manager at 6 different ambulance services and Vice-President at a seventh.) But something has to be said about the Paramedic exodus that is taking place right under the noses of the general public. This exodus places the public at an extreme risk because who is going to arrive at your home when you have your first heart attack.


I don’t like talking about my job as a Paramedic (capital P). I respect the ability of the 911 caller to remain stupid forever and ever amen. I have seen my fair share of tragedy, pain, suffering, and the evilness of humans to kill their children and set the house on fire to cover the crime. My walkabout through this invigorating and personality consuming job has stratified my soul and sharpened my temperament. My career at one time reinforced a belief that God did not exist and that the Devil was on a road trip, high on Columbian white-flake, smashing and grabbing souls across this great land. But my point of view has changed for the better.


However I digress, the reason I am pissed off is that the major responsibility of reducing morbidity and mortality, under extreme duress and insane hours are heaped upon the EMT and no one, and I do mean no one, cares…hence my pissy-tude. I have survived 20 years in the field, one divorce, one major job-induced surgery, and a war. And the most ambulance services will only pay me, is a measly 12.00 dollars per hour. 10 million dollars worth of experience…12.00 dollars per hour, nationally recognized EMS instructor…12.00 dollars per hour, 14 years of EMS management…12.00 dollars an hour. Now, if you think for a hot-second, that I am working for 12.00 an hour you’re completely insane. But this is what the new Medics are facing. 1980’s wages for a comparable job that pays 28.00-30.00 dollars in a hospital, in a controlled atmosphere, with security roaming the halls all wrapped in comfy scrub pants. New medics are jumping the fence to nursing in droves. And the ones that haven’t will shortly.


So how is the shortage of Paramedics going to affect you? There are less people caught in the vapors of a fast ambulance, the wail of a siren and the thrill of possibly saving a life. Simply put, EMS is imploding. The emergency response walls are falling in all over this country; there are manpower shortages, leakages to nursing, and people who aren’t stupid enough to fall for the “you’ll be a hero” spiel. That means longer response times for you, the under trained will arrive at your door (because most EMS programs will hand feed those who wouldn’t other wise make it) and very poor service. Yes, Paramedics would rather go home at night and make a decent wage instead of getting punished over and over again, thus the good Medics are making the leap to nursing and you dear reader are left with the bad ones.

~Vale~

Advice for the 08' High School Senior

May is the season for High School 08’ seniors across the country to receive their diplomas. There will be teary-eyed Mothers as they remember their kids first day of school and Dads going, “Whew it’s finally over.” This almost religious ceremony consist of a keynote speaker, a valedictorian speaker, the principal speaking, diplomas passed to the right hand as the graduate takes pictures and expensive mortarboards flung carelessly into the air followed by hugs at the end. Now after this ceremony some facts are evident…some graduates will get pregnant, some graduates will be impregnating, some graduates will get drunk and some will sadly die. And it happens every year. Oh joy. But for those graduates who made it through life, relatively unscathed, a little heavier and a whole lot wiser what advice can you offer the new graduates without sounding like a complete idiot? Well, I have taken the liberty to list some conversation starters.

10. Just finishing high school isn’t enough. A high school education opens doors to places you wouldn’t have access to if you did not have one. But to make a decent living continue your education.

9. The military is an option. Some parents count this option out but if you want to make money, meet others your age and be around other self-starters…this is the place. I know Iraq is dangerous but so is underage drinking and buying dope in a bad neighborhood.

8. Don’t wait until fall. Being out of school or not having a focused path will only grow moss under your feet. Have somewhere to go after high school and that does not mean the beaches of Mexico.

7. Be different. Don’t let the crowd decide what you should do. Seniors all over the country fall into this trap all the time. Just because your friends want to sit out a year doesn’t mean you should.

6. Move. Staying in one place is almost a death knell for anyone’s future. The same people doing the same thing over and over again can ruin anyone’s psyche.

5. Choose your college path carefully Prerequisites and core classes are what you will be dealing with your first two years of college. Worry about your major later.

4. Find a part-time job to fill any monetary short comings. The free days have ended it is time to get a job. Can you say, ‘Welcome to McDonalds.”

3. Start working on your resume now. Volunteering to help in a possible career choice helps you get an understanding of the field you are choosing.

2. One Tree Hills is a lie. There won’t be any hand holding because you are sad, people don’t care if your friends die, or if you are having a bad day… get used to it.

1. Birth Control/HIV protection is readily available. Do I need to say more.



~Vale~

Oh, you are going to love this test. This test has a meter that drops as you get questions wrong.I truly loved playing this game. Play if you dare. Click the title to get widgets like this for your own blog.

The Stupid Test

~Vale~

Ten Sure Ways to Win the US Presidency in 08’

All too often the common sense God gave a Mule is overshadowed by the sheer magnitude of partisan politics when it comes to winning the Presidential election. But I have the key to win, right here in this blog. And believe me if either Obama or McCain is willing or able to make the hard decisions and choose just 5 of these simple ways I am sure they will breeze right into the White House.


10. Create a true economic stimulus plan.

I don’t mean give taxpayers money so they can spend it, even though I am getting a new air-conditioning unit out of the Bush White House, I mean jobs are good. Stable life-sustaining jobs are even better. And yes, working at McDonald's is considered a job, only if you are 15 and living at home. Our fellow Americans need jobs so they can buy health insurance and provide for their families. Show us how you intend to bring back industry and the voters will beat a path to your door.

9. Show us how to disengage, albeit proudly, from Iraq.

You cannot criminalize yawning or jealousy. You cannot put a tax on love and you defiantly cannot fight a religious movement to resist the occupying infidels, P.S we are the occupying infidels, regardless of what the spin-masters say. There is a lot at stake, there thousands of American dead and tens of thousands of American wounded. Tomorrow, there will be interference from Iran in Iraqi affairs. The day after that there will be even more American casualties and the day after that even more Iraqi soldiers will abandon their post. Show us how you intend to pull out with grace and pride.

8. Show us a feasible Health care Plan.

Let’s face it; there are people who consider any help from the government a form of welfare. Mind you, government back student loans, Pell grants, farmer subsidies and corporate bailouts in their opinion are not. How stupid is that? Sorry for the rambling, where was I, oh yes. Possessing quality, and I do stress quality health care, is the difference between life and death…literally. Don’t believe me, show up at an ER without insurance and get treated like a cockroach-encrusted turd. The health care workers raises depend on the ability of the patient to pay. If you don’t have insurance…they all hate you. Make an affordable insurance, place caps on treatments, punish offending doctors, nurses and insurance companies for bad behavior and the Oval Office is yours.

7. Show us how you intend to control Immigration.

Okay, this is a hot button issur. The Republicans want to throw every Mexican, legal or not, singing Himno Nacional Mexicano back across the border. The Democrats want to embrace the Hispanic population. But the fact remains, what do you do? Easy, increase fines to astronomical levels for undocumented workers. Deport all persons who are not citizens and not in possession of legal worker status. Make only the legal workers children born in the US…US citizens. Make legal workers liable for taxes and obtain a temporary SSN for tracking purposes. The point is there is no easy answer for this. Either choice made is going to piss someone off. But show us how.

6. Show us how you intend to educate our Children.

America develops and implements technology so fast, the rest of the world has to keep up with us…with the exception of Japan. So why is it we are having gang fights, school shootings and teacher improprieties against students. I am tired of private schools touting their benefit to society when public schools are funded better. Do something different. Start over, fire some teachers, jail some parents and put God back in the classroom. Oh and classify the Atheist as a spiritual terrorist that will certainly stop the lawsuits.

5. Show us your war face.

Can you answer the red phone at 3:00am? Can you send missile strikes with impunity then roll over and go back to sleep. Or will you be so indecisive that you hesitate and the bad guy gets a jump on America. I don’t mean attack Idaho for something Pakistan has done because the terrorist went to Idaho for vacation once back in the early 80’s. I mean can you use the Military option with gangsta precision? Tell us when and how.


4. Publicly acknowledge global warming and your plan to fix it.

Melting polar ice and insane hurricanes…nuff said. Get to fixing the problem.



3. Show us your plan to ease the tax burden on, “Average American.”

Republican’s love tax cuts, as long as they are for people in the upper income brackets. Democrats love raising taxes for programs that don’t work and build a social dependence. Espouse your happy medium and get ready to take the oath.

2. Detail your plan to stir competitive research in alternative energy.

Most people feel that because their lifespan is too short to care about energy cost. Okay, well let’s put it this way. You are creating a disease that is making your life easier but is going to murder your children in the distant future; and they are too young to comprehend the ramifications of your actions. When they get older, that disease you designed has manifested and is making them ill, they are going broke poor trying to get well and then eventually your disease kills your kids real good. Are we on the same page? Show us how you intend to make life easier for our future.

1.How do you intend to reduce the cost and dependence on oil?

We can design war vehicles that can drive by themselves, X-Planes go into space on a tight budget and the entire country is going digital in 09, and you mean to tell me we can’t find an energy source that will put OPEC in the red. For goodness sake the average computer user has access to satellite images from Google and can shop for goods and services online while naked as the day they were born. Let China, India and Russia have the oil; show us how we can commute to work without filling up our vehicles at 4.00 per gallon.

~Vale~

Voodoo Chile---Blues Version

If you are a Jimi Hendrix fan...you will appreciate his blues take on one of the most famous songs in American Rock...even though it is his song. Enjoy!




~Vale~

Just One Hurricane

I am watching the news and I suddenly came up with a revelation of sorts. This revelation hinges on the fact that hurricane season is right around the corner and if the price of oil waxes and wanes on sabotage on a pipeline in Nigeria, a Fed cut in our key interests rate or the Euro spikes once again…what in the hell is the price of oil going to reach if a hurricane approaches the Gulf of Mexico. This does not bode well for the home team. We live in a speculative economy where the slightest inkling that a product or service could be reduced would send prices spiraling out of normal consumer range. If you don’t believe me say: Tickle Me Elmo, PlayStation 3, and Guitar Hero 3. Where Christmas shortages produced panic buying at 500 percent of the toys normal cost. So what does one do? Really, how do you survive when American food prices are climbing and it will soon, real soon, be too expensive to drive? Well, I have a solution and clicking the link in the title of this blog will give you details.
Yes, a hurricane will approach the Gulf of Mexico…hurricanes have always approached the gulf. But the price of fuel nationwide has never hinged on this fact as it does now. Well, the point to this blog entry is to prepare my readers. Now, while things are still cheap…I would, because I am, stocking up on fuel sensitive items such as, cooking oil, motor oil, charcoal (you have to cook), propane fuel and making use of empty space for canned goods in your home. Sounds like the Apocalypse huh? Well sort of but the point is to be prepared. I didn’t say get matching black track suits and wait for the mothership to pick you up. I was advising that milk is 4.00 a gallon, cooking oil is 3.00 a bottle and one major weather event will place them out of your reach. But hey look on the good side we will all lose some weight with all the walking, meal reductions and such.

~Vale~

May 2nd AMR Paramedic Strike Ends…Amicably

This article appears in the online version of the Daily News Los Angeles. It was reported on May 1 2008 by Jerry Berrios, Staff Writer.

The strike involving nearly 300 paramedics and emergency medical technicians in the Antelope, Santa Clarita and San Gabriel valleys has ended.
AMR, a private ambulance company that contracts with Los Angeles County, and the International Association of EMTs and Paramedics came to a tentative labor agreement Wednesday night.
"The strike is over," said AMR spokesman Jason Sorrick. "Our employees are coming back to work. We are moving forward, and we will continue to provide the best emergency service to the citizens we serve."
According to AMR, the agreement calls for employees' wages to increase by 20 percent over the next four years, retroactive to November 2007. The company also will not make any changes to employee health-care benefits through December.
"I believe that the contract is fair and equitable," said Matthew Levy, national director of the IAEP.
Levy said the contract addresses most of the workers' concerns. Instead of the 6 percent annual raise workers wanted, they are getting 5 percent. Instead of having AMR the company paying 80 percent of health-care costs, it AMR is paying 75 percent of the premium employee health-care plan.
"It was worthwhile as we got some of the concessions we wanted," Levy said.
The workers went on strike at 8 a.m. Monday. Pickets gathered at the AMR stations in Lancaster and Irwindale. AMR brought in employees from other areas of California, Oregon and Missouri to operate ambulances.
The majority of the employees returned to work Thursday and the remainder will come back to work today.
County officials monitored the strike through conference calls with AMR management and others, e-mail with firefighters and verifying ambulance worker credentials at area hospitals.
"We are very pleased that the work action is over," said Cathy Chidester, acting director of L.A. County's Emergency Medical Services Agency. "We think it was handled well by all affected parties."
It goes to show what Paramedics can do when they wiggle in a collective fashion. Good job guys from The Apocalypse Papers!
~Vale~

Tuskegee Experiment and Reverend Wright

I bet Obama could hear the rooster crow for a second time as Reverend Wright took liberty to associate the possible creation, rise and distribution of HIV with the devious 40 year Tuskegee experiment. Yes, the Tuskegee Experiment on uneducated African American Men was a national tragedy, a national crime and a national shame. I personally escorted one of the survivors to the Presidential apology and have seen patients wither away from AIDS. Yes the spread of HIV could have been stemmed if it was not for Ronald Regan being asleep at the helm. Personally I do not believe HIV is a manufactured disease, like Wright, but I do believe the virus could have been controlled. We have learned so much since then, we have learned that experimenting on minorities is wrong and not stopping epidemics because of a pseudo-moral high ground is bad. However we are still making mistakes like attacking the wrong country because of 9/11 and not implementing stop gap measures when it comes to using corn for fuel.


~Vale~

AMR Employees Strike Looms on May 2

Paramedics in California do not want your sympathy; they want a fair and equitable wage so they can afford healthcare premiums and not qualify for food stamps. I don’t think this is asking for too much. As a veteran Paramedic I know what my fellow Medics are experiencing. Year after year, more and more advanced skills are added to our repertoire of life saving techniques but our pay remains the same. The ambulance services want you to run hard, document properly, and transport, transport, transport. They do not want complaints or complainers or increase the pay scale. I applaud the 300 union members. Don’t stop until you get what you want. It is sad that Medics are abandoning the ambulance services for nursing so they can make a good wage and not work as hard as a bonus. Hell, it takes 2 years to be a Paramedic and 2 years to be a RN; now do the math. A Medic makes 10.50-18.00 an hour out of school; the RN makes 26.00-35.00 an hour. Which one would you choose? Besides nurses don’t carry morbidly obese patient down steps, recover mangled body parts or venture into crack houses looking for seizure patients. They only stop at motorcycle wrecks to lend assistance and call 911 for the…you guessed it, the Paramedics….contrary to the Johnson and Johnson commercial. Believe me, I would hang drugs, turn patients, do am and pm care and then chart all day if it meant I didn’t have to see one more patient mangled beyond recognition or miss one more school play.
Now, I think the pending strike is a “Low Press” event, because the public does not know what jobs EMT’s actually perform, they honestly believe we are a nonessential part of Public Safety. We don’t possess the neat regalia of leather and helmets, or gun belts and body armor. So Paramedics are practically invisible.

In current events, A Paramedic lost her right arm while responding to a call. The ambulance she was riding in hit a parked vehicle on the side of the road. Her name is Bonnie Ames she lost it responding on a call. Donate, I did.


In current events, Paramedics and EMT’s are scouring the grounds in Virginia after the night of Tornados. They will be tired, focused and committed to their job. There will be no sleep, there will only be pain and some of those Medics have families and children who need help with homework and


Every time SWAT goes to a stand off, Fire Fighters fall off a ladder or a drunken Physician wrecks their car you can find a Paramedic. Wreck your SUV press the blue OnStar button and OnStar calls Paramedics, press your call alert button because you slid out of bed, alert company Paramedics, slip on a sidewalk and break your leg, have a stroke, bursitis flares up, overdose on Lortab, Paramedic, Paramedic, Paramedic, Paramedic…are you getting the picture. Let’s face it we are a necessary evil. I know we are as innocuous as a television remote, but if you can’t find us, just like a remote, there is desperate search and just like the remote we can change things rather quickly. And for these facts alone there should be a consensus for those 300 Medics in California. AMR pay them, give them their pay increase and a break on the health insurance they need deserve it.


~Vale~

New York Detectives....Acquitted

Three African American men were shot, while trying to flee, outside of an illegal strip club…three undercover detectives just happen to be investigating for prostitution, drug sales and illicit behavior. The three detectives are found innocent of all charges, the groom is deceased and his two friends are still suffering the wounds of that night. But I have not heard one person, one person say, “Man…those officers did their jobs.” I don’t want to sound like I am for the overkill 50 shots. Yes, there are ignorant and racist police officers, both Black and White, on patrol right now. Yes, those officers will shoot in fear, arrest African American Men because they can and they will continue doing so. But those three detectives in New York were protecting themselves and the public. Question: How do you stop a car that is trying to run you over? Answer: You keep shooting until the vehicle comes to a stop, it’s just that simple. That might sound insensitive but if you ever seen any copudramas you know uniformed officers always shoot at cars trying to run them over. Being a groom does not exonerate you from your actions. And a valuable lesson has been learned today…the Blue line is real. Let’s just hope a riot does not break out.

~Vale~

Paramedic Strike Looms

The article below appears in The Signal Santa Clarita Valley. It was reported and written by Signal Staff Writer Katherine Geyer.


About 60 paramedics and emergency medical technicians working in the Santa Clarita Valley are preparing to go on strike beginning May 2, a union official said late Monday afternoon.
The union representing the 300 Los Angeles-area American Medical Response employees rejected the company's proposal Monday afternoon and today the union will begin writing up its notice to strike.
The union asked for improved wages and increases in the employer's contribution toward health insurance, said Matthew Levy, national director of the International Association of EMTs and Paramedics.
AMR had not yet prepared a response to the outcome of the negotiations late Monday afternoon, but AMR spokesman Douglas Moore said earlier Monday, "We are prepared to provide services if they do strike."
Moore could not discuss details about the contract, but said in a statement, "AMR is committed to bargaining in good faith to reach an agreement that is fair and equitable to all parties."
AMR is contracted with Los Angeles County to provide emergency services countywide. The strike would affect employees in the Santa Clarita, Antelope and San Gabriel valleys.
Since the contract with the union expired last September, the union has signed multiple extensions as negotiations continued. When the union rejected an offer on April 6, union members voted to authorize a strike.
The contract's language regarding health insurance was Levy's biggest concern on Monday, he said.
Employees hired since 2004 must pay for 35 percent of their health insurance and the union asked that employees pay 20 percent, he said.
"Our members are health care professionals that take care of sick people all the time," Levy said. "With the way AMR is paying them and providing them with health insurance, they themselves can't afford to be sick."
Switching to a self-insured insurance plan, in which AMR would contract with an insurance provider, could mean larger co-payments and deductibles for employees, he said.
The union had also asked for wage increases beginning at 9 percent. Levy said Monday's proposed 5 percent wage increase was "not even close."
He said EMTs who have been working more than a year typically receive $9.50 an hour.
"Starting wages in that division are just substandard and non-livable," he said.
As health care professionals, the employees are required to give a 10-day notice of a strike. The union will instead be giving a 20-day notice.
"We would love not to have to do this because people are so passionate about the work that they do," Levy said. "As a union, while we are committed to tightening up on AMR, we are committed to public safety ... We believe AMR will be able to rely upon other companies in the area."
Although the union will be issuing its intent to strike, Levy said he remains optimistic the two parties will resolve the issue before May 2.
"We're always willing to talk," he said.
Levy said that although the workers plan to picket, it is unlikely they would do so in Santa Clarita because it is a small operation locally. He said the union will be encouraging Santa Clarita members to join the picketing at the larger Antelope Valley or Irwindale offices.


Paramedics are paid less than most CNA’s but perform a job almost on the level of a PA. Why is this so? My personal opinion is that Paramedics as a whole do not present a united front to the commercial EMS industry. In essence, it is easier to work two jobs than to be blacklisted, and thus labeled a troublemaker, for trying to start a union. I have survived in this pitiful industry for 20 years and have seen the goings on when Paramedics have tried to voice their concerns, request basic benefits and comparable pay. And to this day Paramedics in some areas of Alabama only make 10.50 an hour. Is this fair? I know I made a bad career choice but when I leave the field who will replace me? Personally, I don’t care; my family already has a Paramedic living with them. And the last Paramedic class I proctored had only 3 students and all three applied for nursing school. Is it fair that the people who start I.V’s on AIDS patients and are exposed to noise pollution, sleep deprivation and physical pain from lifting the metabolically challenged make less than the people who mop the floors in any given hospital? Hell No! So I say strike Paramedics strike and maybe someone on this side of the Mississippi will grow some balls.


~Vale~

Recession Fears Grow at Home

I have been keeping track of oil prices and they have hit a new high of 113.00 dollars per barrel. Oh joy. This transmits to my household as exactly one less trip to the grocery store and Wal-Mart. Simplicity is king, fuel is expensive, and this is war. Higher fuel prices mean higher food prices and higher food prices mean less people can afford to eat, a la Haiti,…even if they have food stamps. Personally, I am adjusting my budget, setting some credible restrictions, sorry Starbucks, and looking into buying chickens. Yeah, I said chickens, live cluck, cluck chickens… have you seen the price of eggs recently or the cost of a two-piece at KFC. Hell, have you see the price of milk for that matter. It seems like my paycheck is the same amount but buys less and less everyday. I mean, when you go into Dollar General and almost nothing cost a dollar something is incredibly wrong. I commute to work but the price of gas it took to get there has risen almost two dollars to get back home. Well, I won’t blame anyone for my struggles but I am sure as hell going to make a way. And that’s what Men do (capital M intended)…make a way to survive, so if you see a guy riding a cow on his way to work, that would be me…just toot your horn and go around.




~Vale~

Walk of Doom

There are places in the world that OSHA has no influence over and this path is one of them. I think I would have to have Zombies chasing me before I took this pathway.





~Vale~

Six Million Dollar Man

If you are older than 35 you should know who Steve Austin is and what he meant to kids everywhere. I watched the intro to one of my favorite shows and I almost,almost jumped up and ran out of the house...seriously. I used to get so pumped when this show came on. Well that was then, now they don't rebuild them...they give them a disability check. You can see more videos like this one and others you thought you forgot about here at...

You Remember That

Retro Junk

and of course

You Tube

~Vale~

YFZ...Yearning for Zion

I am still trying to figure out who in their right mind let the Yearning for Zion (YFZ) cult organization take root. There are elderly men taking 14 year old wives, women who can’t cut their hair or wear red and men calling themselves prophets. I know someone had to get wind that something weird was going on when the women started dressing like they escaped from of the set of Little House on the Prairie. And I am sure M.Night Shyamalan got the idea for his movie, "The Village" from these guys. Did the lessons David “We Aint Coming Out” Koresh and the Branch Davidian or Jim “Kool-Aid” Jones and the People’s Temple teach us mean anything? Did the authorities actually have to wait until a 16 year old girl screamed out before they hauled off 401 women from the Zion compound? I mean come on, religious freedom is an inherent right enjoyed by every citizen of these United States, but where do you draw the line? I mean if a cult organization decided that they wanted to hold church on Tuesday morning and pray to the Majestic Gerbil of Infinite Holiness, that’s fine. But if that same cult organization decided that His Holiness the Gerbil needed to bless the inside of your rectal vault, someone should be calling 911. I know you cannot stop people from praying, but you can stop crazy.


~Vale~

Joke of the day...Brokeback Woman

I found this bawdy joke on Dysan.net If you are offended...so what it's a funny joke.


A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.'

The hired hand readily agreed and went into t own on Saturday night.

He returned around 2:30 am , and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's w idow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said: 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!'


~Vale~

Save Gas…The Old Fashioned Way

Fuel prices are the number one issue on the minds of every working and driving American. Whether you own a fossil fuel hog SUV or a compact car you are feeling the backhanded pimp slap of the oil companies each time you fill up. But in order to survive as a major commuter, I have had to improvise and retrain myself how to save fuel the old fashioned way and let me show you how.

The first five things you should do are:

1. Check the air pressure in your tires.

2. Make sure your coolant levels are correct and balanced.

3. Make sure you get rid of all extra weight in you vehicle, if you have removable seats in your van or SUV take them OUT. Empty your trunk and if you have roadside assistance on your cell phone get rid of your spare tire.

4. Make sure your car is tuned up with new spark plugs, spark plug wires and air filter.

5. Leave early to avoid rushing.

Now some of my readers are consummate comfort hogs and this is okay. You have to have the AC, you have to speed, and you have to have all 8 cylinders of your SUV edging the price of fuel even higher for the rest of us. But there will come a time when the gas prices will force you to read this entry so bookmark it now.

The next six things you should do are:

1. Set a fuel budget and stick to it. That means when the price of fuel creeps higher your range of travel should shorten.

2. Become frugal as hell. If you are like me you have seen the dollar menu at McDonald's shoot skyward. You are paying an added fuel cost. For that matter you are paying that everywhere else also. Be aware of what you are doing.

3. Buy locally grown items if at all possible from the source i.e. farmers market or the farmer themselves. If you like Tasmanian Butt-Fruit believe me it is higher than you should ever be paying.

4. Catch rides if at all possible. Hey, I did say you had to be a goody two shoes just past the cost of shopping on to someone else.

5. Do not travel on peak season regardless of the upcoming holiday. Traditionally prices go up with official start of summer.

6. Slow Down if you are old enough you should remember the orange 55 on the dashboard. That was the speed at which a car got the best fuel economy, I don’t feel you should do the granny-trot down your interstate system but backing off the accelerator pedal will decrease your fuel consumption.




~Vale~

Five Ways to Avoid a Horrible Death

If you think this is a blog about immortality you are completely crazy because there is a 1:1 chance that you are going to die. This blog is a Paramedic’s take on how not to get killed or extend your chances of surviving to a ripe old age…so you can die peacefully there.

1. Perform a Risk Assessment.

In the EMS industry we have known for years that people are stupid. This sheer stupidity is how we keep our jobs. If it wasn’t for the weekend mechanic that looses all the fingers on their right hand because of a little thing called a fan or scalds the skin off of their chest because of pressurized superheated radiator fluid, all EMT’s would be working at Wendy’s. Knowing what you limitations are reduces the chances you would be swatted unmercifully by the same limitations.

2. Guns will kill you too.

I love the NRA guys. They understand the term, “Population Control.” This does not mean that gun owners all across this nation will weed out the bad guys. This means that some gun owners will weed themselves out. If you own a firearm that you have never fired and keep in a locked compartment most likely this weapon is more of a threat to you than the criminal it’s supposed to stop. Learn you weapon or die by it.

3. Assume nothing about anyone

I love this one. Not all Black men are thugs, not all Mexicans are members of MS-13 and not all White guys are Serial killers. I have worked in high crime areas and low crime areas and the one thing that I have learned that Serial Killers are sometimes Black, White guys can be thugs and Mexicans can be Police officers. Type casting based on a stereotype will get you killed really quickly.

4. Ghetto is a place not a mentality.

The word Ghetto is Italian word meant to describe the concentration of Jewish people within an area. It has since become a word to describe a concentration of ethnic people. This means that a gated community of WASP could be a WASP Ghetto. Placing the Ghetto tag on a neighborhood causes preconceived ideas to form thus increasing your likelihood of offending the wrong person.

5. Don’t wear a pork chop around your neck.

News flash, predators know exactly what their prey looks like. The key however is not to look tasty. Plot your course, don’t stop in strange areas, survey the parking area before you exit any store and put the damn cell phone down.


~Vale~

Free Online Word Game

This game is from the good folks at Free World Group. I have played plenty of their games and this word game has to be on of the best. The object of this game is to find all the words in the puzzle before time runs out. It is waaaaay harder than it looks. Have fun.





~Vale~

Top Five Political Scandals for... March

I think I have become comfortably numb political scandals. It used to be that any scandal would have rocked the very foundation of the politician’s family and career. Not now. They are no longer called out in public by their fellow constituents, they are not brought before committees and made to tell their side of the story and some of them even keep their jobs. It is my belief that fellow politicians do not go on the record with the condemnable evil-finger-o-doom because they too have a menagerie of transvestite skeletons smoking crack and gambling in their own closets. Nothing politicians could do at this point could shock or even shame me. Politicians have lied; they always do, cheat, they have before and will never stop, and requested gay sex in an airport bathroom by a tap on an undercover officer’s foot. Wow. I have, however, broken political scandals into three different categories…warm, hot and hellish. So here are the top 5 political scandals for the month of March.


1. Former Governor Elliot “Client9” Spitzer---Warm






The reason I gave him a warm rating is because he completely scared the living s*it out of the people on Wall Street and most white collar criminals residing in the State of New York. This Princeton and Harvard grad wrestled control from the Gambino family control over the garment district and sued Richard Grasso because of a 140 million dollars severance package. Spitzer wore a brightly colored moral cloak but took it off for an expensive hooker. BUT I am thankful it was not a male hooker.


2. Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick---Hot





The youngest mayor of Detroit has been indicted on 8 felony counts of perjury, obstruction of justice and misconduct. These charges stem from lying under oath about his sexual relationship with his Chief of Staff. He lied about the affair and when the text messages surfaced he refused to resign like a decent person. However upon reading his bio, I feel he is more gangsta than mayor. I mean come on, dead strippers, wild parties at the Mayor’s mansion and use of the N-word to shame those who are calling him out. Sad, sad, sad.


3. Governor David Paterson…Hot




The current governor of New York is legally blind, he’s African American and he has done cocaine. Now the reason I listed him is because he admitted to an affair during a rocky part of his marriage and drug usage. I know he did this to prevent the media from tearing him a new one about his personal life. However under normal circumstances if he had disclosed that information while lieutenant-governor, Elliot Spitzer would have requested David’s resignation.


4. Senator Hillary Clinton…Hot



Senator Clinton lied about landing in Bosnia under sniper fire when the video clearly shows her exiting the plane peacefully and walking across the tarmac. Videos do not lie. I have personally survived sniper fire and will never ever ever forget the feeling of helplessness and anger as Marines crawled for their lives. I am not amused Senator, I am not amused.


5. Mayoral Candidate and Sex Offender James Brian Sliter…Hellish



Okay, here is the set up. James Brian Sliter is captured trying to lure a 15 year old girl to have sex from the internet. The cops bust him but he is never convicted because he is sentenced to probation for 10 years. As long as he completes his probation he will not be convicted but he still has to register as a sex offender. This character wants to run for the office of mayor.What? I mean what in the hell is going on. I have seen it all now. But hopefully he won’t get elected.



~Vale~

Genius Awareness Test

Count the passes for the team in white. I know it sounds stupid...but believe me you won't see everything. Just try it.






~Vale~

This is Not the Devil

…it is a mask of Perchta a sort of strange looking Germanic Santa Claus who during the 12 days between Christmas and the Epiphany would bring a gift for the good little boys and girls only if they had worked hard all year…however if they were lazy they got their bellies slit, their entrails taken out and to be replaced with straw and rocks…yikes. She is the protector of the animals…I still can’t get past the whole slit-your-belly-and straw thing. This Goddess, yes its female, had a following in the early 1400’s but this blog entry is not for Perchten. This blog entry is to call attention to the Pagan, which means country, rural or rustic, traditions that have influenced our culture in every holiday. How else could the death and resurrection of Christ be associated with an oversized rabbit that leaves eggs and baskets for the children? Wow, I just got weirded out by the freaky Perchta-thingy.


~Vale~

Red Garland-Soul Junction

This song reminds me of smoke filled bars,bitter whiskey and the clash of billiard balls. Of a time where men could sit and lament without the need for gunfire, of a time where women understood what it took to make a house a home and children played outside. But those days are gone and all that is is left is this beautiful music by Red Garland. Happy Friday.




~Vale~

Ten Easy Ways to Survive this Recession

Businesses survive by passing on the cost of doing business to you the consumer. This surcharge causes the price of goods and services to creep higher and higher causing the consummate consumer to pay a kingly ransom aka(the *Little Debbie Effect, explanation below). Remember our paychecks don't offset for the added fuel surcharge. So here are ten easy ways to survive this recession.

1. Eat before you go

If you are paying 3.20-plus per gallon of gas and head to the market you are paying a fuel surcharge on your food also. Something has to be cut, let’s see…McDonald's, Burger King, and Starbucks. Even though these foods are simple, fast and easy they are budget killers. Eat breakfast and take a lunch with you.

2. Plan your trips

Knowing the round-trip distance will allow you to calculate fuel usage. Set aside a fuel budget and when the price of fuel exceeds your budget. Call co-workers and offer to drive them to work for a fee. Extra riders mean spreading the fuel cost around and quiet possibly a profit in your pocket.

3. Cheap Entertainment

Going out to watch a movie is so passé, especially when you can have a Netflix membership for less than 10 dollars a month. A family can save hundreds of dollars just by renting movies this way. Remember no gas to the rental store, no late fees, and you can have DVD parties charging 1 dollar to watch a movie with free popcorn. The membership will pay for itself. Oh, you can have someone bring the beer and liquor if that suits your fancy. Ah hem, you can also find the latest movies online free. But I didn’t tell you that.

4. Cut communication expenses

In this day of the electronic leash it is not if you have a leash but how many. If you have a cell phone, a home phone, and internet then some decisions need to be made. Traditional reasoning states, “You should have a home phone.” Non-traditional reasoning states, “You already own a cell phone.” Cutting one should be an easy task. Ok…kill the home phone you really don’t need it and besides if you have a calling circle or a fave five then you will save even more money. Or just say Magic Jack.

5. Ignore the Judas Goats

Judas Goats are goats used to lead sheep to the slaughter without being slaughtered themselves. If you watch enough television you will see market analyst balk at the idea of a recession but just think there aren’t any poor market analyst on television. Meanwhile back at the ranch you are struggling to eat, pay your mortgage and drive your car. Protect yourself at all times. Ignore these idiots and come up with a solid solution to solve your own financial problems.

6. Basic Cable

Who needs 150 channels? A cheaper package means lesser quality channels, however you can always upgrade if your economic status changes or football season starts. This means a whole new setup. If the cable company is charging for a DVR then send it back. Pssst…you can find most episodes of any television show online. Just know you read that here first.


7. Kill EFT's

Deep in the recesses of your bank account there are probably a few monthly electronic withdrawals you have forgotten about. Check and eliminate the ones you do not use. This means scrutinizing your bank account with the blood lust of a divorce attorney. Nothing is sacred, any EFT that is not necessary need to be removed like a malignant tumor.

8. Use pencil and paper

Keeping tract of your purchases will recession proof your life. Too many times we are caught up in the electronic doo-dads that are supposed to do it for us. However handwritten notes do not crash, have corrupted files, or become infected with the latest virus. Write down your purchases on a daily basis and track your spending. Believe me you will be startled to learn you have been sipping on that 5 dollar latte, or eating out at 12 dollars per meal every day.


9. Shop around

Brand loyalty is great, but cheapest is better. Think about it. There is no difference between the job of a Lamborghini and a Ford Festiva. They both carry people and people’s stuff around. That’s it. Surprised? Oh, you can go faster in one, you can look like a billion bucks in one. But simply put. They are both forms of t-r-a-n-s-p-o-r-t-a-t-i-o-n. So supplement 30-50 percent of your purchases with off brand items and save.

10. Take Care of Yourself

Being sick or injured is costly as hell. You loose time at work and the cost of a doctor’s visit can break your pockets…even with health insurance. And if you are thinking those 4 dollar prescriptions a Wally-world will save you…think again. Exercise, relax and limit your intake of alcohol and tobacco. Get plenty of rest and laugh as much a possible. There is nothing worse that being sick and broke at the same time.


*Little Debbie Effect

Little Debbie is a snack cake that is popular down south. They have been the cheapest source of a sugar rush on the market but when the gas crunch started Little Debbie became a way, for me, to tell gas prices were throwing things out of whack. First sign was that the snacks no longer fit the packages but were the same price. Then the snacks went up in price while occupying the larger package. Now the cakes are too expensive to be a just a sugar rush.


~Vale~

Is it a Recession Yet?

Surely, somewhere hidden deep in the bowels of some unmentioned financial institution some economist is whispering the word recession. Well, lets see, a recession is described as negative growth in the GDP or (Gross Domestic Product) for at least two years. I won’t go into economics 101 but I will say with the worse job loss in the last five years, a dollar that has lost its muster and eggs that are high as hell…says yes, we are in a dreaded recession. However if you listen to conservative talk radio, something I love to do because those idiots make no sense what so ever and I get a chuckle, we are in a slighteconomic downturn. But if you are a productive member of society, liberal or conscious conservative, you know that your paycheck is not going very far. Gas is taking a bite out of your wallet, food prices are soaring, I personally paid 30 dollars for 3 bags of groceries last night, and even the peso is rising against the American dollar. Now the question is how McCain or Obama will address this problem before they head into this November’s election. I know Al Qaeda is trying to kill us. I know the war on terrorism is important. I understand we must stand firm as a nation. BUT, I want to know how in the hell am I suppose to be a productive citizen if I cannot afford to drive my car or buy groceries. But pssst, if you tune in to The Apocalypse Papers next week then you will see how to manage a micro-economy (that would be your budget)…and still save money. Trust me, I am already doing it.


~Vale~

Can You Smell What Barak Is Cooking?

I Googled the name Barak and what returned stunned me. Barak is an ancient name, the word for lightning in Hebrew, the name of a commander of the army of Deborah. It is a quite fitting name for someone who has taken America by storm with his vision of change. But I guess my question would be…what will he be changing? As a fence riding Moderate with Republican tendencies I shun anyone or anything that perpetuates slothfulness in our community. I deplore taxes, I adore profit, I hate big government and I adore efficiency. Even as Republican as the previous sentence sounds I don’t particularly give in to the Republican point of view with unabashed conviction.
I watch and am amazed as some dyed-in-the-wool Republicans surrounding me are supporting Clinton because they know Senator McCain cannot beat Senator Obama. Even the strategy posed by Mr. Mega-Dittos himself is to vote for Hillary so there would be a chance for the GOP to take the helm for another 4 years. I see this as a completely viable strategy that might have worked if Senator Obama was notcovered in Teflon. I watch and am amazed as some Republicans are completely floored that other Republicans call Senator McCain a Conservative. And I watch and am amazed that some Republicans would even choose Senator Obama over McCain. This discombobulation on the behalf of the Grand Ole Party leads me to believe they don’t have a credible plan or a frontrunner capable of winning another 4 years.
But I am a creature of question and answer and each of my waking days is an adventure as the Clinton campaign tries to take the Obama campaign down a notch only to be rebuked. I really would like to know how Senator Obama is going to strengthen the Dollar and what does he propose to do about the Iraqi War conundrum? I want to know how he intends on solving the problems of healthcare premiums rising beyond the reach of the middle class. Gas prices, Lord yes, Gas prices, that too! I want to know how his foreign policy will put the fear of Jesus in Al Qaeda without putting boots on the ground. I want to be caught in the Obama rapture. I want to believe but I am a pencil to paper kinda guy. Show me. However Rome was not built in a day, so it will take him getting into office before each of those questions could be addressed. So stay tuned.


~Vale~

Filipino Prisoners Crank Dat Soulja Boy

Our tax dollars currently allow for inmate health care, education and personal fitness. I wonder if anyone would have a complete come apart if our prisoners performed a dance routine.





~Vale~

Barrel of Gas 67 Euros

Euros are slowly making the US Dollar look like Monopoly money. The exchange rate, as of this blog entry, was .66 cents of Euros for every 1 US dollar. This means that our dollar has become even weaker and the market is trading more and more of these ugly, but high priced, bank notes. If you look to the left side of this page you will see an Oil Price Widget and with it you can calculate what the Euro backed market is paying for a barrel of gas versus what the US is paying. But the scary thing is that for the Euro market to reach 100 Euros per barrel. Americans would be paying 150 dollars per barrel. Please feel free to visit The Apocalypse Papers to check oil prices I know I will.


~Vale~

When Dads Attack

Tears, prayer vigils and Amber Alerts have been avoided today. There will be no need to hold a press conference on the whereabouts of Frances Ramirez. This is because her father chased down the man who abducted his 4 year old…and got her back. Just when I think the world has lost its mind, I have to think again. If you have been reading The Apocalypse Papers then you will know I am pro Dad. I am pro kick-a-bastard-in-the-groin just before you shoot him or her if they happen to bother one of your kids. My attitude towards child offenders is justified and should be accepted widely. But there are some weaklings who believe the judicial system and law enforcement should handle all situations. But tell me, if you dare, would you spend the next 10 years in jail if it meant your children were protected and alive by your violent actions. I congratulate Robert Perez Rodriguez for doing what needed to be done.



~Vale~

Shootings, Shootings Everywhere

Calamity ensues when an idiot shows up on a college campus armed to the teeth and begins to lower the college population one gunshot victim at a time. There is no possible way to predict the next {insert education facility here} shooting. But is there a way to prevent the next shooting. Now the old adage goes, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” But in all honesty we can’t rightfully kill all the people that might be a threat to our personal safety. But we can severely limit their access to firearms. This is gun control plain and simple. I thought I would never write it but there it is in black and white.



~Vale~

Portal Georgia

One Mega Millions ticket was sold in Portal Georgia, population a whopping 600 resident give or take a few, that is worth 270 MILLION dollars instantly creating a mega, MEGA millionaire. Now who ever has bought the winning ticket is in for a rush of a lifetime. There will parties, trips and untold luxury. There will be a spending like a drunken rapper in a closed mall. Am I mad at the winner? Am I dismayed that I did not win the Mega Millions? I will say with composure and dignity, no. Because I know what that sudden infusion of cash would do in to my life. I want to be a millionaire; I want to retire fiscally comfortable and able to travel the world with my wife. But I don’t want to be dipped in gorgeous millions so deep that I loose sights of the yellow and white lines in the road. And believe me lottery winners often do. So I applaud the winner of the lotto and celebrate my loss. But boy that Taylor Made-Ninja-Harley Bass catching airplane sure would have been nice.

~Vale~

Natasha Sizow

Imagine if you checked your son’s cell phone and found illicit pictures of his high school teacher. Being a responsible parent you check the sending number and voila those pictures come directly from her cell phone. That is what Natasha Sizow a Virginia school teacher has done. These pictures were sent to not one student, nay, these pictures were sent to several high school students. Really, what can boy children offer to a mature woman? I mean is there such a shortage of available men that this woman has to turn to boys for attention. There is a hearing set for April 2nd. The Apocalypse Papers will be following Natasha Sizow.


~Vale~

Valentine's Day...SUCKS!

If I could go back in time I would summarily ruin the good name of all three St. Valentines so this infernal holiday would not exist. Let me tell you why. Valentine’s Day, as I understand it, is a day for lovers, romantics and couples. However this blogger is a consummate skeptic believing that Valentines Day is a philogynistic holiday bent on the destruction of men everywhere. Really now, flowers, candy, teddy bears and heart-shaped {insert item here}, are not meant for men. Where is our holiday? I get so tired of participating in a multi-billion dollar retail holiday only to receive a .99 cent card and a peck on the cheek. What in the hell?
Valentine’s Day is a holiday where pounds of chocolate are consumed by the blushing recipient only to reappear as cottage cheese on their thighs a week later. Guess who gets the blame? Oh no, it is not the chocolate vacuum cleaner, it is the purchaser of the vile, butt-spreading, candy. When the roses start to rot and the house smells like an old mortuary, guess who gets screamed at for not disposing of a hundred dollars worth of dead flowers. When the Mylar balloons become a source of squeaky helium voices or just hangs languidly from the ceiling, guess who has to throw yet another sign of their affection in the trash. And don’t make me mention the emotional “I love you because…” cards that disappear into that dark recess of a closet or trash.
Personally I feel that next year will be different for me. I will not scramble and wait in line. There will be no ordering flowers. There will be only a card that I made and a flower that I will pluck from the earliest of blooms and these should mean more than all the chocolate in the world. However if they don’t I guess I will be back in line. But I wont like it.

~Vale~

Best of Superbowl XLII Commercials

Ok, besides the New York Giants taking it by three to win Superbowl XLII, I laughed at these awesome commmercials. The Pepsi Max Nod Commercial, The Bridgestone Tire Commercial with the screaming animals, The Life Water Commercial with the dancing Lizards/geckos/salamanders amphibians thingies, which by the way have two other small videos and my favorite The Dorito Commercial. They are below enjoy!













~Vale~

Temple of Humankind

The Temple of Humankind, in my humbled opinion, has to be listed at the 8th wonder of the world. The Temple of Humankind consists of: The Halls of Water, Earth, Spheres, Mirrors, Metals, the Blue Temple, and the Labyrinth. The name alone implies the singular when in actuality it is a collection of temples in honor of the earth different beliefs. How great is that. Imagine if you will a place of worship that honors your beliefs. I don’t mean an innocuous non-denominational chapel. I mean a place where the builders honor your beliefs. If you don’t believe me look for yourself. The Temple of Humankind was build by a society called, The Federation of Damanhur. Now, it has been my belief to pin the term, “Cult” on any collection of people brought together under one belief system. However I haven’t found anything online that suggest otherwise. So I can gawk at the beauty of the Federations work and not feel silly because they have a completely crazy (there’s that word again) doctrine of goat chasing or dressing like a tree.

~Vale~

Discourses

Learning when to run is far better than knowing how to run. And running, no make that sprinting, is exactly what I did before SS Emergystat Ambulance sank like a lead brick. Emergystat got into financial trouble with the IRS, GE Capital and Mississippi’s Department of Revenue and after the dust cleared Emergystat had shut its entire ambulance operations down in less than 12 hours. Not a cut back, or a scale down but a complete and total shutdown of a mission critical resource. A resource that provided much needed emergency healthcare for hundreds of townships and employed of at least a thousand employees. There were rubber paychecks, deceit from their managers and falsehood after falsehood. The owner has gone into hiding and now Emergystat Ambulance is a distant bitter memory.

Have you ever noticed when a Democrat or Republican wins a state’s caucus there is a picture of them grinning like they won one hundred million dollars in the Mega-Lotto. The job for President pays 400,000 dollars with a 50,000 expense account and most of these candidates are millionaires already. So tell me, why the grin? Surely they must know they are soliciting for the job of balancing on a greased beach ball, while receiving daily intel-reports on moving nukes and starving countries. To add to this they must appear calm and collected as they appear at press conferences while touting the party line. Being elected the President of the United States is not a job you take lightly. Not to say I want a President who grimaces as if they were passing a kidney stone in every picture. But I do want a President who is polished, humbled, and articulate with a convincingly pleasant façade. It’s ok if they walk around frowning in the Oval Office. I think having the entire weight of the free world resting on your shoulders is a frown worthy event.

As a Paramedic I know there are crazy people out there. There is no other way to call someone who throws all four of their children off of a bridge. Crazy describes people who kill their girlfriends and boil body parts before calling the police. Crazy describes the people who decapitate, mutilate, abduct and cremate other people. Crazy people stalk hiking trails and dig shallow graves for pregnant women. Once the public stops having a love affair with crazy people then we can use the word “Crazy” again. Instead of mentally challenged and the word biphobicphreniadepressive. We can finally hear the words on the news, “A crazy person is on the loose.”

The New England Patriots have had a winning season, post season and are headed to the Superbowl to play the New York Giants. This game will live in infamy as sponsors showcase their new multimillion dollar ads as party goers become insanely inebriated on cheap beer and even cheaper liquor. There will be a glorious halftime show with all the glitz and glamour of a Vegas nightclub. There will be canny candor bounced between the various sports broadcasters and a rehashing of the plays from has-been gridiron heroes and arthritic quarterbacks alike. There will be whoops and hollers from fans whose team have won with groans and winces from fans whose team has lost and when the festivities are all over with, Monday will come as usual.

I don’t know about you but if I had wagered and lost Seven BILLION Dollars of a financial institution’s money I would get plastic surgery and go into hiding with Osama, because I am sure my employer has a really good Hitman on retainer. Really what do you say to your boss, “Sorry I miscounted,” or “Hey I had a bad day?” I would love to be in that meeting room.

Steve Jobs has done it again by raising the bar. The MacBook Air only weighs 3 pounds. The Air does not come with an optical drive or all the bells and whistles of a normal laptop and it is less than an inch thick. How’s that for technology.




~Vale~

Poor, Poor,Tiger

I have had enough of the so-called tiger tragedy. The beautiful orange carnivore has been splashed across the screen like the animal member of Al Qaeda. There have been debates and finger pointing for the 12 foot fence being 4 feet too short. There have been news conferences and the repeated clips of the Paramedics placing an injured man on a yellow spine board. And the only thing I could say was, “Man, that was one pissed off kitty.” Just imagine, day in and day out people strolling past your man-made habitat and you can do nothing but watch. You know as a tiger you will never be able to chase an antelope, terrorize a village or cover your face in the blood of a fresh water buffalo kill. Your caretakers slip Mickies into your food and shoot you with tranquilizer darts so they can probe your recesses and clean your cage. And finally one day after listening to senseless chatter of zoo patrons, you had enough. Enough of the fat kids sipping on drinks walking so slow past your cage you could almost smell their meat. Enough of the people roaring and pointing towards you, taunting you, teasing you, getting on your last single feline nerve…until one day. Someone had to pay. The cage never really could hold you in.
Simply put, the tiger was killed for being a tiger. And the lesson learned is don’t anger the tigers, lions and…bears (can I get an Oh My!).I don’t have any sympathy for the teenager who was summarily dispatched by the 350 pound feline. That is what happens to stupid people. Somehow society needs to cry over people who accidentally shot the top of their heads off, drive drunk and then crash into bridges going in excess of 100 miles per hour, and tease tigers. You may call those tragedies but I call it thinning the heard. Bah. I feel there should be a stupid alert that goes out on the radio, “Attention, we have a car playing chicken with a train who wants to take bets the train will win?” Now if a Siberian Tiger suddenly showed up in my living room I would have a problem. Society should really put things into perspective.


~Vale~

Holiday Discourses

During the holiday I have figured out that Christmas of my childhood was murdered and resurrected into a swollen, putrid retail holiday of gift giving and over consumption of mass quantities. The entire celebration (in my humble opinion) has lost its meaning of heralding the arrival of the Christ child. Instead, ole’ Saint Nick, decked out in a crushed red velvet pimp suit complete with hat and white beard and square belt buckle, is now the corporate backed and legally sanctioned holiday icon/anti-savior of choice. This is the last year I worship at the cash register in his jolly name. The reason for the season has been replaced by packed malls, road rage, and pissed off parents who waited to late to buy the newest electronic babysitter. Furthermore, courtrooms have taken the Christ out of Christmas and replaced it with the separation of church and state in a country founded on Christianity. And honestly, who in the hell let Kwanzaa on the calendar?

Well, Benazir Bhutto is has been eliminated and if you, the reader, did not see that one coming you have to be blazingly blind, innocuous to your surroundings or you are so brain-washed you think we really are winning the war on terror. There was no way Ms. Bhutto was ever going to topple Pervez Musharraf in a forced election. President Musharraf holds the reins on a nuclear capable country, knows the terrorist personally and was (and still is) in control of that country’s powerful military. Now honestly, who do you think had enough power to get that bomber close enough to assassinate Ms. Bhutto’s bodyguards while she herself died from gunshot wounds?


The Iowa Caucus is right around the corner and I am no political genius but I know one thing. I am sure that the Republicans don’t have a yeast rolls chance in a fat man’s pocket if they think they are going back into the White House. There are candidates on both sides of the political fence that would make excellent presidents. On the left is Obama, a political stem-cell who is able to assume any form because he has no past record and on the right Huckabee a friendly-faced republican who does not scare me like Herr Romeny. However, the field is really not Republican against Democrat, it is Obama against Hillary. Sorry Huckabee.


The Senate just passed a 555 billion dollar budget with 70 billion going towards continuing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. How long does 70 billion last when powering the American war machine? I did some fancy ciphering and I came up with 395 days. And as of this blog entry our President only has 389 days left so this number sounds about right. 395 days is based on the possibility that the war is costing the US 177 million dollars a day based on an old USAToday article. I can live with 395, but what will happen when it comes time to refinance is anyone’s guess.


~Vale~

Weirdest Video... Ever!!!

Ok, now I have seen it all. After 20 years in the medical field, I have finally found a patient that made my skin crawl. I don't want to explain. Just Watch!






~Vale~

Hathaway and Nat King Cole

It's official, the Christmas season is in full swing. Enjoy!









~Vale~

Texas Castle Defense Law

I have been watching events unfold on television where a Texan has shot two intruders who were trying to break into his neighbor’s home. This neighbor was armed with a shotgun, gave the 911 dispatcher fair warning he was going to act and then he did. Two men are now dead. And honestly, I would have done the same thing. Now for those people who cower behind Law Enforcement remember there is a Castle Doctrine in Texas. This law allows for the protection of ones property, family, home, and business through deadly force. In Texas this law covers protected areas also. Now, if your neighbor’s home was being robbed would you (the reader) have the courage to protect his or her property? And yes there is a castle defense doctrine in Alabama I covered it in this link. Through this brave neighbors action a legal precedent is about to be set. Stay Tuned.


~Vale~

Temptations-I Can’t Get Next To You

I love the Temps, don’t you?






~Vale~

Hank Arron

On April 8, 1974 I was a big 4 going on an even bigger 5. That day could have been as innocuous as lets say March 2, 1982. But what made that April 8th awesome was the fact Hank Arron broke Babe Ruth’s record. An Alabamian broke the longstanding record. I was shocked to see my mild mannered grand father laugh and jump for joy like he broke the record himself. I didn’t understand what the hype was all about but 34 years later I understand…I understand.
Hank Arron will always be the first to break Babes record. He will remain the all time home run king in my book. Barry Bonds on the other hand achieved a goal by surpassing Hank but he did it on juice, plain and simple. The media storm that surrounded Hank Arron never doubted his natural ability, modesty and love for the game. The media storm that surrounds Barry Bonds is ensuring his new set record becomes a minuscule footnote in baseball history.
I believe however, that Bonds was setup and in my book that was wrong. I believe the investigators and prosecutors should have issued indictments before that fateful game, regardless of how bad the owners and fans wanted Barry break the record. You just don’t build a case against someone and let it marinade until the hype has died down. That to me is just retarded and it appears retardation is contagious.


~Vale~

Suicide by Police

Police officers are not infallible people. They are subjected to the same vices, jealousy, pain and as of late even murder. And with each officer being the living embodiment of the communal law we have enacted, they are subjected scrutiny and the heat of microscopes because of their daily actions. I am not a police officer and I wouldn’t dare become one because of the aforementioned statement. Reading an article about 18 year old Khiel Coppin male getting shot and killed because he was holding a brush has really upset me. Not because the police responding to the domestic dispute shot and killed an unarmed man but because the unarmed man was holding a brush threatening the officers and ignoring their commands. Let’s look at this shall we? If you had a job where there was a possibility that you could be killed with each call you made, would you, the reader, be on edge? If you had the opportunity to prevent your murder by shooting first-would you? If you answered no, click away from this blog. But if you answered yes, then you understand what happened to that kid holding the brush. I don’t see it as a white cop versus black kid deal however it will be perceived that way. But I do see it as suicide by police and it is not all to uncommon.

~Vale~

The Weeks Discourses

Driving into work this morning I realized that the price of gas has exceeded the height of giraffe’s warm, reproductive organs. I can imagine that Shell, BP, Amoco, and any other oil company I haven’t named are jumping for joy because people are still commuting. People are still working , living and no one is spitting venom at the oil companies-at least not publicly. And there are some people that are saying we are headed to 4 dollars a gallon. I think a motorcycle might be in order soon or a horse.


Former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto returned to Pakistan and her mere presence is causing civil unrest and protest against President Pervez Musharraf. She was placed under house arrest and then set free to room her compound (compound arrest). However, I believe Pakistan’s unrest is part of the democratic process and President Musharraf is caught holding the bag. If he wasn’t holding the bag, Ms. Bhutto would probably already be in one…ahem. But since the whole world is watching including Al Qaeda, Osama and a host of nervous Muslim leaders, Pakistan’s President/Dictator hands are tied with barbed wire. Just remember Musharraf's country is nuclear capable and if there is no stable government, the bomb could fall in the wrong American-hating hands. Stay tuned.


OJ is finally going to be paid back for killing his wife or actually that is what the public wanted. I don’t understand this obsession with an aging Heisman Trophy winner and his memories. Ok, he walked in a room and demanded his stuff back at gun point; he is facing life for this. Life. A football player with bad nerves and swollen knees is facing life. And if you know about a crime before it occurs and you do nothing to stop it doesn’t that make you a conspirator? Someone tell the FBI that.


If Chinese made toys are covered in lead paint and some could metabolize into the, ”Date Rape Drug” GHB if swallowed, why hasn’t America grumbled furiously and said, “Thanks but no thanks” and ceased all toy imports from China. Is it because of the upcoming holiday season? Is it because China has us by the red, white and blue balls? Is it because China there is so much outsourced business in China they could wreck us economically? Why is it that the health of our children means absolutely nothing to the outgoing Whitehouse administration? If you think I am over reaching, say SCHIP, and say it loudly.


NBC has a program called, “To Catch a Predator.” But the only species they are catching are men. I think that this program is a good thing. I think that NBC should link with America’s Most Wanted and combine to become a mega predator show. However it seems that perverse men are not the only ones who are copulating with underage kids. It seems like the American justice system over looks and downplays the perverse women who molest boys and girls alike. Why the difference? The latest teacher, who ran with her child-lover, left him in Mexico where he can’t return. Because he is an illegal alien who is has now been separated from his family. I wonder if she did that on purpose. Think about it no child, no crime.

Somewhere Out There…

…aliens are laughing their little green buttocks off. This is not to say that their buttocks couldn’t be magenta, or chartreuse or some color we couldn’t wrap our tiny minds around, that is to say, if they even had buttocks at all. The sole reason they are rolling around in their spaceships, snortaling, pointing at their vidscreens, giving each other high fives, or high ones or high claw thingies, is because they will inherit a planet devoid of humans, but full of resources, in the time it takes for them to return home, report their findings, gather an armada of their own colonist and return.
I say that these species of whatevers are counting on the fact that the Earth, formerly know as Human land, will eventually reach its maximum viral load of human bipeds and eventually start anti-biped therapy (earthquakes, hurricanes, and drought). This therapy will be enhanced by the human bipeds accidentally creating drug resistant diseases as a direct result of their own medial mismanagement, in addition to their insatiable thirst for warfare.
I say that these highly intelligent beings know that if the planetary atmosphere is poisoned long enough those living beneath the atmosphere will perish. They know that the Being that advocates peace, love and harmony…does not need five dollars in a collection plate on Sunday nor does the Being command guided cruise missiles to strike their infidel/terrorist targets with extreme prejudice. They know that two male species of plants, side by side will eventually die without spawning another of its kind. They know that warehouses for dangerous bipeds are the result of poor leadership during the instructional phase of life. They know that population control is not only for the poorest of the human biped species but is essential to maintain the homeostasis of the planet. So somewhere in the vastness of space are these creatures who are throwing confetti, popping balloons and taking bets on how many cars will it take to fill the Grand Canyon.


~Vale~