Bush Who?

Eight years of Republican leadership has driven the good ole US of A into the poor house. And now the Republicans, led by Rush Limbaugh, think by sitting on their hands and wishing gloom and doom to President Obama the economy will turn around, the real estate bubble will re-inflate and Reese’s Peanut Butter cups will return to their original size. The Republicans are wishing for more tax cuts for small businesses but if there is no bailout there will be no small business. What really is the Republican thought process?

I understand the term fiscal responsibility. But there is the question of an initial 350 billion dollars of taxpayer money that has bailed out struggling banks. Some of which are have thrown ten million dollar Super Bowl parties and were trying to purchase forty-five million dollar jets. What gives? Who was watching the helm with the TARP loan was thought of…oh wait, it was REPUBLICANS. Yep, point proven. But alas, they know best. But because of a numerical advantage the Republicans are powerless to stop the Democratic steamroller. As they should be until our country can be straightened out, people put back to work, families allowed to remain in their homes and a solution is found to reduce global warming.

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819 Billion Dollar Bailout

As a working (thank God) Paramedic I cannot understand why Republicans are having a complete hissy fit over the 819 Billion Dollar Bailout.The only thing I have heard thus far is why the Republicans oppose not what they would do to solve our financial mess. Oh yes,wait, the Republican plan: business tax cuts, no abortions and guns and God in public classrooms. Yada, yada, yada, we have heard it all before.But what if there are no businesses, no clinics to get abortions or rudimentary health care or no pawns shops because they have all shut their doors.

My America is in a crisis. I have no clue what America the Republicans are living in. My America is watching Moms and Dads loose their jobs every minute as business that were solid as a rock suddenly collapse. In what America do these Republicans reside? Oh yes, the America where homes are being foreclosed on and it is the homeowner to blame. The America where it is okay to be out of a job but not okay to take unemployment, food stamps, Medicaid or housing assistance.

Well...as an Independent, Small Business Owner and provider for my family I think those Republicans are completely retarded. It stirs me to my very soul to hear that some fellow citizens are committing suicide, killing their children, going into deep depression or becoming homeless because they cannot find a job. The same citizens who wouldn't ask for a handout, generally vote Republican, and wants a chance to pay a bill any bill. The same citizens who will now vote Democrat than to starve like a homeless dog. I feel that those dissenting Republicans are comfortable as they occupy the responsible spending "high ground" when it was on their watch we got into this mess in the first place.

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The Easter Bunny Hates You

Wow! Two hilarious videos in the span of one week. Who knew? Enjoy.





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Twenty Things That Don’t Make Sense!

Warning, the link in this title has graphic pictures, click at your own risk.

Alex~D~

1.Over-the-top press about Caylee Anthony’s disappearance/murder but nothing about the rest of the children who became missing and/or were murdered around the same time.

2.The price of a barrel of oil sliding but the price of a gallon of gas increasing! WTF!

3.The rush to purchace firearms because of a new Democratic Government however you still have to register the same weapon you just purchased so the same Democratic Government knows where the weapons were sold. Retards.

4.Bernie Madoff and his house arrest.

5.American Idol...why, somebody please do something with this show.

6.Kellogg’s salmonella infused peanut butter. Somewhere Tony the Tiger is smoking a fatty and trying to figure this one out.

7.America’s Best Dance Crew. Like we have nothing better to do but watch children dance.

8.A child named Adolf Hitler. Parents clueless as to why Adolf was removed from their home along with Joyce Lynn Aryan Nation Campbell

9.Pencil Leg Jeans. Yuck!

10.Israel bombing the shit out of Gaza.

11.Israel’s cease-fire

12.Hamas telling Israel to eat a dirty Yarmulke as they continue firing homemade rockets.

13.Amy Winehouse, Amy Winehouse, Amy Winehouse!

14.North Korea threatening South Korea…again.

15.The Hi Phone

16.Falling out of your boat in a Piranha infested lake.

17.Russia turning off gas flow in the middle of winter.

18.Citi-Group falling from grace…twice

19.Refinancing your mortgage or even sending a payment when the company holding the lien…closes.

20.Sociopathic Paramedics.


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Flight of the Conchords

Yes, this video is silly as hell...but I like it anyway.




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If I could have…

…one superpower it would be able to telekinetically induce explosive diarrhea to those in my mental range and through the television to those on the other side. And boy would that power be grand. Some guys want flight, steel bending biceps, x-ray vision, not me. I want something that strikes the fear in all of us…losing bowel control without warning. This could would be a very effective weapon, like the power of drinking liquefied rotten chicken and Ipecac mixed times 100; I wouldn’t charge people anything for me to use it either (for those that knew).

Drug dealers on your corner….whirl, whirl, whirl, cha, cha, cha, splat!

They would clear out in a moments notice. Every time they returned wouldn’t you know, the shitty sagging pants hath returned.

Some reporter on CNN bucking for the next primetime spot and you know they are just eye candy…whirl, whirl, whirl, cha, cha, cha, splat! CNN would have to clear the studio from the smell alone.

And my favorite getting pulled over by an overzealous police officer, whirl, whirl, whirl, cha, cha, cha, splat!! No ticket. As they tip-toe back to their cruiser butt cheeks clenched tight to reduce leakage.


I would be a sort of colon cleansing Robin Hood; someone takes your investment and fumbles the portfolio like Madoff…whirl, whirl, whirl, cha, cha, cha, splat! Until 50 billion dollars magically returns or he loses 51 pounds, whichever comes first. Someone wont give you a refund not a problem, where and how much? And I would take care of the rest. Oh, if only.


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What's Next?

OPEC cut oil production by 4 million barrels a day and the price of oil fell right along side with the cut. Serves their syndicate-having asses’ rights, no matter what OPEC does to oil production, oil investors are leery, nobody is buying gas and most people are broke because the world’s economies suck. Take that OPEC!

No more new buildings in Dubai for you.

How in the French Kissing hell do you get away with a 50 BILLION DOLLAR Ponzi Scheme? The Chinese would have executed the chief perpetrator and imprisoned his staff. Thank God he is in the US where he will keep his wealth, be under house arrest, not be able to travel, that'll teach him.

Yeah, whateva.

Chrysler shuts down for thirty days. Meanwhile thousands of people are unemployed as their plants shut down permanently or are in the process of shutting down permanently. The unemployed will not get any of the bail out loot and neither should Chrysler. Let’s see what GM does in the meantime.

President-elect Obama proposes a one billion trillion dollar economic stimulus package. If our economy continues to fall, along with our dollar, the trillion dollar stimulus package will be worth around $87.00 give or take a few cents.

Drew Peterson is engaged to potential wife number 5, age 23. Really? Isn’t he still married to wife number 4 and by the way Drew, where is wife number 4? And it hasn’t been resolved that wife number 3 was drowned…who will stop this guy before he marries your daughter. Geesh, he’s like the roaming gnome of marriage albeit,however, a murdering gnome.


The credit card industry is getting revamped, in a peculiar sort of way. Change is a commin in 2010. As if we don’t need help right now at this moment in time. Not a 18 months later when we are all bankrupt and not givin' a damn. Now if we can just do something about those payday loan sharks stores.


NASA recently had an “Oh, Shit,” moment, they realized that a couple trillions tons of ice were missing. NEWSFLASH: We found your missing ice NASA; it is called snow in Las Vegas, monsoonal rains in Mississippi and Alabama and ice storms in New England. You’re welcome NASA that will be 94 million dollars in small bills.


Bones measuring the same size of one missing little girl with strands of hair that match her color are found in buried in a yard. If there is a DNA match proving the bones are the remains of Caylee Anthony, her mother should be snatched out of jail by her hair and beaten
soundly on live television until she stops breathing.

By throwing a shoe at a US President you asking to have your ass kicked up around your shoulder blades. And we will not hear from the journalist that threw the shoes because he is trying to remove said ass from his own shoulder blades. Even though we are at an impasse in Iraq, the US economy is falling faster than a fat girl on an ice rink, and we are losing jobs every day. Wait what was I saying?

~Vale~

P.S

200th Post Yay Me!

The Next Bailout

We’ve seen banks, car companies, car dealerships, factories, businesses, the housing market and families collapse under theses tough economic times. The only good thing that has come out of this economic crisis is Gas in northwest Alabama is 1.49 per gallon. And that gas price probably won’t last long because OPEC is trying to figure out a way to increase the amount per barrel of oil to 75.00. If they do however, we as Americans should figure out a way to make our corn, wheat, cheese, and Viagra double what those OPEC members pay for them…no make that triple.

Watching CNN this morning I realized that the UAW is being mighty gracious to accept small pay cuts and to accept some minor layoffs to assist with the automotive crisis. In the words of one of my favorite websites, the UAW can eat a dick. Every UAW could work for free and it wouldn’t do anything to assist the automotive crisis. Event though those guys are part of the problem with 30.00 per hour jobs, free healthcare and retirement plans that are the envy of the nation, they aren’t the problem. The responsible parties are those who allowed those gas guzzling vehicles to be made and let cost run away like a crackhead with a hundred dollar bill.

Today, we will watch the big three automotive Executives come back before congress for a 25 34 billion dollar bail out. Where the hell they get that number is beyond me. The Executives will arrive in hybrids with drivers looking as humble as possible wearing 2,000 dollar suits and 10,000 watches. We will watch as the panel congressmen chew their Execs asses out for a couple of hours on live television before they hand them the money. If not we will watch millions of people lose their jobs on live television as the Dow reaches an all time low. Then OPEC will watch in horror as .99 cent gas hits American streets once again.

The Apocalypse Papers Prediction: Health Care Collapses


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Bribing My Muse

This image found on Wiki Commons

Once you develop your writer’s voice you will always have it, at least that is what I believe. But having a writer’s voice is not enough to make it in the industry you’ll need a profound and an almost perverse sense of creativity to be distinguished from the literary status quo. Just imagine if Spider Man was just another person bitten by a spider. No sticky finger pads, spider sense, or a cool blue and red uniform, nothing, nada, zilch, just a regular ole guy with a spider bite. Add a muse to the aforementioned spider bite, she in turn adds a dose of freaky radiation and a weak protagonist, and ba-da-bing a million, no, billion dollar idea. However, my muse, Calliope absolutely refuses to work unless I pay the Community Coffee and Splenda God or spend an hour on the elliptical at level 15. This Diva, wonderful woman of epic poetry, needs an attitude check.

But…

I bribe her anyway.

As my pants get larger and it is hard to see small type because my eyes are vibrating from the caffeine overdose.

I bribe her

Because I feel there is a movie deal, a yacht and a couple of near misses with insane paparazzi at the end of edit number 7.

I bribe her

But I do it begrudgingly because I would like to do my take on the author’s pose of sitting on a park bench, legs crosses, staring reflectively across rolling hills and wondrous vistas.

Damn it.


Watch this space.

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On Writing a Book

There are literally thousands upon thousands of websites that offer advice on writing a book but there isn’t onewebsite that will write that book for you. Let me back up, there are plenty of people that will ghostwrite for you, including yours truly, but it wouldn’t be you writing that book. Nether the less, I decided to flip my literary skills into the paper ring and join the growing pool of those-who-have-a-book-in-Barnes and Noble and see exactly where my creative skills will carry me. Would my book find its way to the top of a pile of dirty books in the free bin at the local animal shelter? Would it succeed to the point of a million-dollar advance, a diamond-crusted Pulitzer dangling around my neck and a geeky paper sign that reads, “He’s the Man?” Or would my success leak out in the middle a literary limbo right next to those one hit wonders and authors who just don’t know when to give up. Well, I won’t find out, neither will you, until I pen the words, “The End.” Just follow along you’ll be amazed.

Watch this space.




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Kung Fu Clowns

Sometimes you just have to laugh to shake the morning cobwebs off and this is that time. Kung Fu clowns is completely funny.





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Super Mario Brothers

Save the Princess, yada, yada, yada.

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Spider Eating a Bird

This spider is actually eating this bird. I have never in my entire life seen something this creepy. I mean really...where do these mutant things come from? Oh, yes...I remember...they come from AUSTRALIA! Click the title for the link to the actual article.



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Say NO to Bow Hunting...

and get you one of these!

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Protect Your Child Online

This sort of advertising drives home the message of online safety. Now I wish it would just catch on with Amber Alerts and Halloween safety.




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Compare The Presidental Candidates

I couldn't resist. Sometimes people need analogies to get a clear message.




I found this photo here


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Terry Tate Office Linebacker

This YouTube video is funny as h*ll. If you arent laughing by the end of this short you need a break and some Prozac.





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Health Insurance Coupon

As you read this blog entry the American economy is faltering like a drunken fat man on a freshly mopped floor, banks are collapsing , fingers are being pointed in Congress as to who is at fault for not allowing 700 Billion (place your pinky in the corner of your mouth like Dr. Evil) dollars of Tax Payersyours and mine our money to be injected into Wall Street as stocks bounce up an down according to the very speculation of a bailout or not. Hell, I forgot all about the price of oil. I am truly miffed pissed off because there are American citizens who don’t see the ramifications of a bailout. But that is not what I am blogging about today. Today is, the Health Insurance Coupon and why I think Health Care is going to tank like our economy.

I am no economist. No sir. I am average Joe Shmo Tax-Paying Citizen. I understand the principal of economics, supply, demand, profit, loss, credit, lending, blah, blah, blah. But what I do understand with extreme certainty is health care, simply because I have been in health care for over 21 years. But it wasn’t until today, this morning to be exact, I saw an AARP commercial that made me stop ironing and take note. I couldn’t find the commercial on YouTube but it was a man who said he had an insurance coupon that gave him discounts for health care but didn’t actually cover anything. He got critically ill, went bankrupt and pretty much lost everything. I felt his pain. The same happened to me.

I drove in to work, with that commercial heavy in my mind, this morning and realized in 21 years I have had over 20 co-workers and employees that have suffered financial ruin after a serious on the job injury. Oh, sure, Workman’s Comp you say? Well let’s visit that idea. Workman’s comp only pays a percentage of your base pay and if you are living on your overtime. You are in big trouble. Don’t live on your overtime, you say? Give me a raise or shut the f*ck up, I say. Back on topic, if you are injured at home, however, you have to pay your health insurance premiums if you are out of work. Try mustering 400.00 or more per month so you can be seen in your doctor’s office as your other monthly bills pile higher than a sparrow’s eye. Can you believe there are people who don’t care one bit about that worker who is in trouble?

Currently, crack heads the chemically dependent can get help faster than a positive contributor to our community. Why is that? Why it is that someone who has worked their entire life and amassed a fortune has a Medicare card? Why is it that a hospital will see a patient over and over and over again and again and again because this patient is a hypochondriac and the same hospital bills over and over again? Simply put, if the return-visit-patient is defrauding the hospital with multiple visits isn’t the hospital doing the same thing if they bill the insurance company? Why doesn’t health insurance pay for a gym membership? Why is it that an appendectomy in one hospital is a different price at another? Aren’t they the same? Also, if an appendectomy cost four thousand dollars less in another country, why aren’t insurance companies sending patients there for treatment.


Lastly if drugs are cheaper in Mexico and Canada why we aren’t outsourcing prescription drugs for our elderly and the poor…we outsource everything else. I believe these types of questions will lower the price and increase competitiveness in health care. I believe serious eye opening questions need to be asked and grown-up decisions made instead of having to pay 80 percent of cost because you are out of a coverage network or having to pay 100 percent of a treatment because it is experimental…even if it saves your life. If something isn’t done soon hospitals will start closing and people will resort to the green alcohol and mercurochrome.

~Vale~

That's Not an EMERGENCY!!!

Swollen hemorrhoids are not an emergency. Oh, yes it feel like someone has shoved a glowing Kingsford briquette into your rectum and is making things worse by cooling increasing the heat with green rubbing alcohol, but you wont die from it. I guarantee it. But somehow people believe ambulance crews have to risk life and limb for minor ailments, just like that hemorrhoid, because that’s what ambulances do. I disagree. I think we could save a lot of time and money if we set some ground rules for emergencies and non-emergencies. Oh, people will be pissed off, but hey it is better to be pissed off than pissed on I say.

Pssst,

You are going to learn the difference between an emergency and a nonemergency.

Emergency: Loss of finger, toe, eye, leg, arm or any appendage you use daily.

Non-Emergency: Loss of pain medication, car keys, TV remote, or any other stupid item that I might hit a large deer trying to get to your house in a rush over.

Emergency: Gunshot wound to torso, head, neck, back or stomach. Notice I said torso.

Non-Emergency: Splinter to finger, butt cheek, leg, and face. Seriously!


Emergency: Respiratory Distress of any kind

Non-Emergency: Hiccups that wont stop. HELL NO under any circumstances is this an emergency. Neither is hyperventilation because your favorite dancer got voted off.

Emergency: Comas of any kind.

Non-Emergency: Slurred speech, staggered gait, equipped with boobie flashes and the nonsensical ramblings of a mother whose done shots of Jägermeister at her daughters wedding.

Emergency: Chilbirths were the legs are coming out first.

Non-Emergency: Condoms, vibrating eggs, or sex toys of any kind stuck inside of the patient. Nope can’t won’t stick my hand up there, aint having it.


And for those who think they have a right to call the ambulance on a whim. You have the right to go directly to the waiting room on a stretcher so you can wait with the other patients except you now have the added interest of an ambulance bill. Yay, for you!

Last but not least.

Emergency: Transport of patients from one hospital to the next because life sustaining surgery waits.

Non-Emergency: Sending a patient out for a simple test, especially in the middle of the mother of all thunderstorms, which could have waited until three days later. WTF, Seriously!

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Word Game

Here is a word game. I hope you enjoy.

Free World Group

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