Boutique Medicine

Once I worked with a millionaire who called his doctor whenever he had a medical question. After becoming annoyed at this I asked him one day, “Your doctor doesn’t get angry when you call him?” He replied casually, “He is not talking to me he is talking to my money.” I struck upon an epiphany with his response, the only good health insurance to have is cold…hard…cash. Imagine having the ability to call your doctor anytime you want, as well as see him or her at your convenience. My local television station WSFA Channel 12 News did a segment about just that, called “Boutique medicine.” A Montgomery doctor by the name of Johnnie Strickland had decided to reduce the number of patients he saw from five thousand to five hundred. Those remaining 500 patients paid 89 dollars monthly for unfettered access to his services. I did the math, 500 patients equates out to 534,000 yearly. Dr. Strickland has not stumbled upon a new idea, but he has the right idea. In my opinion Dr. Strickland is probably fed up with Blue Cross Blue Shield, Medicare and Medicaid and decided to take a stand. There is no “Competition trick billing” for routine services and he is definitely not loosing money. This is the way insurance should be. Once it catches on Boutique healthcare in my opinion will usurp regular healthcare insurance and hopefully change the way things are done in America.

~Vale~

87,97,07...

Can you remember the Oscar winners for best actor in 1987? How about a television show that took the most Emmys in 1997? Can you remember the price of gas in 1988 for unleaded self-serve? Can you even remember where you were today twenty years ago today? Now the preceding question I can actually answer. The day was a Wednesday and it was a cold Alabama day (before global warming and El Nino). I had already signed up for the U.S. Navy and was eager to see the world at Uncle Sam’s expense. I was a bored high school senior sitting in my first period class wishing that the year would fly by so I could graduate and head to sunny California for boot camp.

In May of 1987, a man named Saddam Hussein would accidentally kill 37 of our U.S. sailors on the USS Stark by missile attack. In 1990 I would be deployed to Saudi Arabia with the 2^nd Marines as a combat medic assisting in kicking Saddam’s army out of Kuwait by February of 1991. Combat and the memory of burning oil fields would change my life forever.

Ten years later in 1997 I was a husband, a father, a homeowner, and a taxpayer. One fateful day in 97’ I looked back over the last ten years and felt like I had done absolutely nothing with my life, or so it had seemed. What I know now, that I didn’t know then, was that I was not thankful. I wasn’t a movie star, or a doctor or an epidemiologist or an Army Captain. I didn’t belong to Kappa Alpha and I wasn’t a Shriner. I was just a tired husband and father who paid bills and tried to raise a family. Later in life I would learn there is beauty in mediocrity and consistency in being average.

On 30th August of 97’ Princess Dianna lost her life at the hands of a drunk driver, five days on September 5^th Mother Teresa a Nobel Prize winner and the head of Missionaries of Charity died of natural causes (people lined up to kiss her feet at her funeral). Guess which one got the most press. As a Paramedic I had seen plenty of people killed in drunk driving accidents and didn’t understand why they praised a woman on a date but not a future Saint.

2007 hasn’t unfolded but I feel it will be different. I understand what my parents meant when they said, “One day you will wake up old” they did not lie. I have learned the lessons of the last twenty years of pain and achievements and I am finally thankful. I have learned, there is no reward without risk, money cannot buy everything, nobody remembers celebrity’s achievements, learning how to fall down is just as important as getting back up, and when it is your time to go there is no hospital on the planet that can stop you. Just imagine what I will know twenty years from now.

~Vale~

I Wonder Who...

Said that relationships are easy? There is such a thing as being incompatible and I wonder why some couples don’t get it? As a writer I consider myself an excellent listener because stories are found in conversation with other people. It is when I am listening to someone complaining about their relationship I throw out the proverbial question, “Didn’t ask enough questions in the courtship huh?” That one question has caused a few raised eyebrows in several conversations I have had with forlorn lovers. They always seem to be totally oblivious to asking enough questions during the “interview stage”. So I created…

Alex’s Pre-Relationship Checklist

These questions should be asked up front.

10. Are you married? ASK THIS FIRST and if they say no follow them home to make sure. You really don’t want an angry spouse tracking you down…do you?

9. Are you bitter? Oh boy! Bitter people (more often than not those who are divorced) take their anger out on the most genuine and innocent of potential mates. Thus creating another bitter person, this cycle never ends believe me.

8. Are you needy? If you are not a nurturer then needy people are not for you. It is as simple as that.

7. Are you insane? Crazy people sometimes sneak into sane relationships thus causing a relatively sane person to need Zoloft, Prozac and Jim Beam.

6. Are you Jealous? This question is more serious than a police roadblock. Jealous people do not trust you and will kill you. Don’t believe me? Pick up a newspaper and look in the crime section.

5. Are you compulsive? Or in other words, “Are you a stalker?” Yes this question is extremely relevant. What if you had OJ for a mate? Refer to line two of question number 6.

4. Do you have warrants for your arrest? Imagine sitting in an Applebee’s eating blooming onions and sipping on sweet tea, then suddenly you are thrown to the floor along with your date and handcuffed. It is called guilt by association…look it up.

3. Can you provide? This is a uni-sexed question. This can mean, “Can you cook?” or “Can you support a potential family?” This question is often missed and becomes a real problem in the, “Headed to the altar” phase of a relationship. IF your mate can’t hold a job with a bucket, or if they have a tendency to burn ice cubes, then some real arrangements need to be made in the beginning.

2. Do you like children? If you have children make this question number one.

Sometimes people are attached with children and this understanding needs to be established in the pre-relationship checklist. IF neither one of you have children still ask the question because birth control sometimes fails.

1. Are you good in bed? I know this question sounds shallow and it really is, however it is a supreme deal killer. A relationship is as much physical as it is emotional. I couldn’t tell you how many times the phrase; “They are such a wonderful, loving person with admirable qualities…” has been uttered, by people who are severely missing something in the bedroom.

Just look at this list, if you are laughing then you can probably relate. If you are not laughing you are either lonely, or crazy. I think this list might just help that dejected boyfriend or girlfriend avoid another relationship failure.

~VALE~

Book Review: The War of Art

The War of Art is a dynamic book penned by famed author Stephen Pressfield who happens to be the author of “The Legend of Bagger Vance” and “Gates of Fire”. The War of Art caught my eye simply because of the title. Having a copy of Sun Tzu’s Art of War in my personal library I was more than interested. After reading a couple of pages (as well as being a self confirmed bibliophile) I purchased the book.

First off there are no chapters. The War of Art is broken into three books and under each book are several essays pertaining to the theme of that book. The first book entitled “Resistance Defining an Enemy” personifies, demystifies and deconstructs an enemy of achievement called “Resistance”. Pressfield flawlessly peels away the layers of Resistance and shows up the one thing in everyday life that prevents us from reaching our personal goals. He shows that doubt, fear, anxiety, remorse and procrastination are forms of “Resistance” Believe me I had to read further.

Titles like “Resistance and Fundamentalism” and “Resistance and Criticism” will have me delving deeper between the pages. My personal favorite is on page 68 entitled, “How to be Miserable”.

The second book is entitled “Combating Resistance” Pressfield teaches us ways of counteracting Resistance by defining “Professionals and Amateurs”. Then by the way of his own personal discoveries and downfall he pulls you along until you understand the techniques it takes to be consistent and successful.

The third book is entitled “Going Beyond Higher Realm” uses Homer’s opening to the Odyssey for professional writers and other artisans alike to reach to a higher plane of professionalism.

O Devine Poesy, goddess, daughter of Zeus, sustain for me

this song of the various-minded man who, after he had

plundered the innermost citadel of hallowed Troy, was made

to stray grievously about the coast of men, the sport of their

customs, good and bad, while his heart, through all the sea-

faring, ached with an agony to redeem himself and bring his

company safe home. Vain hope---for them. The fools! Their own

witlessness cast them aside. To destroy for meat the oxen of the

most exalted Sun, wherefore the Sun-god blotted out the day of

their return. Make this tale live for us in all its many bearings,

O Muse…

I cannot go any deeper into the book, but I can tell you it is a fantastic read. If you get a chance to buy it and believe me you won’t be disappointed.

~Vale~

Top Ten List Or...

10. www.folkstreams.net

What it says: “A National Preserve of Documentary Films about American Roots Cultures
streamed with essays about the traditions and film making. The site includes transcriptions, study and teaching guides, suggested readings, and links to related websites.”

What I found: It is a look back at the past. You can get lost in the different videos.

9. www.npr.org

What it says: “NPR (National Public Radio) is an internationally acclaimed producer and distributor of noncommercial news, talk, and entertainment programming.”

What I found: Faces behind the voices of “Morning Edition” and “All Things Considered” my favorite talk shows. Full of NPR information and extra NPR information if you are a NPR fan.

8. www.pandora.com

What it says: “…a radio Internet service that wants a conversation with you.”

What I found: A free radio Internet radio that you will love for sure.

7. www.entrepreneurs-journey.com

What is says: “…by the numbers it means that 80 percent of your outcomes come from 20 percent of your inputs.”

What I found: Work until you find out what it is you like to do. This site is Quite interesting if you are a writer or a burgeoning entrepreneur.

6. 100-downloads.com

What it says: “Top-100 essential downloads of free software & freeware for Windows XP.”

What I found: Free shareware programs for XP. Especially FREE virus scanners. WARNING: Do not download programs you do not know how to use! I found out the hard way.

5. www.illwillpress.com

What it says: “HAIL FOAMY!”

What I found: A neurotic potty mouth squirrel rants about everything. This site is funny as heck. The squirrel really does have a potty mouth watch his toons at your own peril!

4. www.stumbleupon.com

What it says: “Channel surf the Internet with StumbleUpon! Discover great websites,
videos, pictures and more — all according to your interests.”

What I found: Stumble will keep you rooted to your computer chair until you have butt cramps. It is an Internet roulette wheel taking you to random websites according to the interest you pick. However it is best to have the FireFox browser first before you install this program.

3.www.stevepavlina.com

What it says: “Make money from your blog.”

What I found: Long read but very, very informative.

2. www.futilitycloset.com

What it says: “No matter how much you love your job, you can't work for 10 hours straight. That’s why there's Futility Closet — 2,000 anecdotes, epigrams, illusions, and wonders; puzzles, prodigies, sublimities and horrors. Read a few and get back to work. We'll keep finding more.”

What I found: It is a literal merry-go-round of oddities that will “un-bore” you if there could ever be such a word.

1.www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/

What it says: “The award-winning Web browser is now faster, more secure, and fully customizable to your online life. With FireFox 2, we’ve added powerful new features that make your online experience even better.”

What I found: This is a highly customizable web browser that you can add themes to, and all sorts of unique extensions. FireFox comes with pop-up blocker and will TELL you if you are running an illegal script or about to download content from an unknown host. Download this browser today.

This was just a small list of sites I frequented daily during 2006.

Have a Happy New Year and be safe!!!!

~VALE~

Saddam Saturday

I was listening to CNN this morning while dressing for work. Between sips of coffee and packing my bags I listened to a guest who was commenting that Saddam should only be executed by a stable Iraqi government, who has put down the insurgency and rebuilt the infrastructure of Iraq. Because, in his opinion, anything less would have tragic consequences. Now just a few minutes ago there was a breaking news alert on Yahoo that stated Saddam will be executed on Saturday December 30^th 2006. Somehow in all our democratic glory and daily filial sacrifices to the God of all things stupid we still are not getting the “memo”.

As we all know (the ones that are not in denial that is ) the present Iraqi government does not run Iraq. The insurgency runs Iraq. There has to be something said about making an evil despot a martyr. Haven’t we realized that the Ba'thists and Saddam loyalist are not gone, and that the Shiite and Sunni will fight even harder to rid of one another? Tip-toeing across Iraqi borders will be nefarious power brokers who will try to side with any insurgency leader or Imam that might potentially gain power. Let us not forget we were friends of Saddam in the war against Iran. So yes it is quite possible. Did we guess who will be directly in the middle of this mess? I am not a harbinger of doom…but geesh where did our common sense go? I am not in anyway saying Saddam should not be executed, after all, I along with another 150,000 service members kicked him out of Kuwait in 1991. It was there I saw Saddam’s atrocities first hand, and yes he is ruthless as they say he is. But we should at least let him live until this mess called “Iraqi Freedom” is resolved then it can be death by rusty bull-dozier. I don't care.

~VALE~

Sincere Apology

Updating a blog is hard work. Missing a day is just like cheating on a diet. One day turns into twelve days and soon your belly has consumed your waist line. (Actually the diet thing happened also) Then your readers become past readers and your blog joins the other tens of thousand of blogs in that infernal holding pattern. For this I am sorry. I have missed juicy opportunities to point out public hilarity and political transgressions. I could have done the “I told you so” about Donald Rumsfeld or the “I told you so” about the Dems in the House (but I didn’t know they would take the Senate also). I could have blogged two thousand words alone about the look on the Presidents face when his party lost power. I could have joined the thousands of bloggers in chastising Kramer about his racist tirade (that would have been a good read I promise). I could have blogged about the Saadam death sentence being handed down, even though when the Iraqi government finally does hang him---holy…immortal…hell will break loose. It’s that whole puppet-government-hangs-beloved-dictator-in-home-country kinda-thing. I really do not want to turn this apology into a slobbering Jimmy Swagger-like event with tears and lots of snot. But I do feel that way because as a writer I let my own ego get in the way. “Maybe tomorrow I would say, maybe tomorrow.” But as you know tomorrow is never promised. So that’s why I got started back today.


~Vale~

Do Not Forget

After all the hype of the midterm elections has died down I am finally able to make my own statement about the butt whooping the Republicans took. I know that there is a lot of work to be done. I know that there is a general consensus amongst voters that the war in Iraq is of the utmost importance. But what I am not clear on is how the Democrats are going to resolve the Iraq nightmare issue. Nancy Pelosi was quoted as saying that in her first 100 hours during speakership she would “push for action implementing all 9/11 Commission recommendations on national security, raising the minimum wage to $7.25, eliminating corporate subsidies for oil companies, allowing the government to negotiate Medicare drug prices, imposing new restrictions on lobbyists, cutting interest rates on college loans and supporting embryonic stem-cell research.” However I don’t think one Democratic voter in America wanted to hear that first.

Before Donald Rumsfeld got booted, but after the election was over with, the general voting consensus was to end the bloodshed in Iraq. The country has spoken and it is agreed that enough is enough. Americans will eventually deal with all the liberal aspects of government that the Republicans did not cover. And they will deal with those juicy tax cuts for the rich. But really we would like to hear first from Madam Speaker is how the improvised explosive devices, sectarian violence and rising U.S combat casualties will be dealt with. I have searched and searched and don’t have one snippet of information on how this is to be achieved. I know that this comment is early, but it keeps the mental juices running so we won’t forget why we voted.



~Vale~

Fallen Preachers and The Price of Power

Reverend Ted Haggard, the president of a 30 million member association and spiritual leader of a 14,000 member New Life Church, admitted to purchasing methamphetamine because he was curious. He has denied allegations of homosexual activity with a gay man who gave him a massage(s)and he has done it again. However this blogger who is old enough to remember Jim and Tammy Faye Baker, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Jones and David Koresh…is far from surprised. Here is the kicker, the longer we wait the more the Haggard story will unfold.

Spiritual advisers including Ted Haggard are men and women first. They are not endowed with the power to walk on water, throw lightning bolts or request the plagues of Moses. They will continue to have their faults. These imperfect individuals are not gatekeepers of my salvation, but the brunt of my jokes and if I ever do attend church I would request from my pastor a background check, a copy of his last drug screen and proof of residence. It's called trust but verify.

A British historian named Lord Acton said it best, “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Mind you, not all of the spiritual leaders are corrupt. But in my opinion there are quite a few. I could start counting but I would reach my personal blog word limit before I stopped. And the debauchery is not new, because as a kid growing up in the Deep South, I remember over hearing that there were two people who you didn’t let in your house: Insurance Salesmen and Preachers, because one would steal your money and the other your money and your honey [that’s honey in the figurative term, not beekeepers honey for all you northerners.]

Personally I have my own religion I have detailed in an earlier blog. So I don’t even flinch when yet another fallen preacher has spent thousands on cocaine. Has a mistress. Has a gay lover. Or got caught drunk driving with his mistress and gay lover. I don’t pay tithes, so my hard earned money is not wasted on luxury automobiles or 3,000 dollar Ralph Lauren suits. All because the last time I checked, Jesus ran the money changers out of the temple, and somehow they crept back in.

Please give this post a thumbs up if you are a Stumbler

~Vale~

Pedal Oral Occlusion

Stricken by Pedal Oral Occlusion Syndrome are Senator Trent Lott’s (MS-R) “…we wouldn't have had all these problems over all these years either” at Senator Strom Thurmond 100th birthday party, State Representative Rafael Arza (FL-R) drunken racial slurs on a voice mail of fellow republican and then Senator Kerry (MA-D) with his jab at President Bush during a rally for gubernatorial candidate Phil Angelides.

There are times that I wonder what goes on in politician’s mind. Somehow the ‘spur of the moment’ defense just won’t get it when it comes to a public faux pas. What was Kerry thinking when he took a jab at the President’s grades? Did he not get the memo that anything you say will be plucked apart like a chicken in a fox den? Didn’t he know that you don’t have to be a Rhoades Scholar to be president, but you can be surrounded by them? Holy cow! Now the Democrats are pulling back from him, as he is torn apart by conservatives who have spun his statement to mean out brave troops in Iraq. Personally I think he deserves to be ridiculed until he gets the point. DON’T SLING MUD, especially when you are not up for election. It looks particularly childish.


~Vale~

Holy Holidays Batman…!

I recently read one of my favorite blogger updates and was truly mystified. The school system in our community has reduced the number of parties to “maximize instruction time.” And to top that off they will have only two parties per year, one during the winter break and Valentines Day. By winter break party they mean Christmas!!! Not the holiday season, not the birthday of our Lord, not buy until you cry, but winter break. This has vexed me to no end.

You would think in a state where you cannot go ten miles with out passing a church; someone would have spoken up about this. I mean come on. I understand that you must first be tolerant of one another’s beliefs, before you can be truly tolerant of one another. But where do you draw the line? Do you sacrifice your beliefs for the sake of others? I understand people exist who equate Halloween with all things demonic…so what. And some people think Halloween is a supremely indulgent holiday…so what. A majority of those people don’t remember what fun is and what it is like to be a kid. You will never hear a group of kids’ say, “Hey lets cancel Halloween because our souls are at stake.” Or “Christmas has too many religious overtones, how about happy multicultural enjoyment period instead?” Only disgruntled adults say that.

There is joy in watching a child hunt for an Easter egg that the Easter Bunny left. There is joy in watching a child rip open presents after “Santa Claus” worked overtime, went to the Wal-Mart at the “North Pole”, spent all night putting gifts together, wrapping them with Dollar store wrapping paper and barely keeping his or her eyes during 4:00am wake up call to see the presents they left. And there is joy in baking cupcakes, telling ghost stories, bobbing for apples and watching the precious years of a child fly by in delight. These events create a life time of memories . If you don’t like it…tough, let the kids have fun now because there is plenty of time for them to frown later. Oh yeah, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

~Vale~

Southerners

Living and working in the south I come across all walks of life. There are things that just tickle the death out of me and there are things that just get my goat. For instance the two clichés that you just read were uniquely southern. As a southern born man I use them in my daily life, but as a writer those clichés creep in like kudzu on speed. I constantly find my self having to edit and re-edit so I don’t confuse my readers. But somehow I don’t edit enough, but that is another story.

Having traveled the world I have found that once you are raised in one of the southern territories you belong to a haloed club of sorts. Let me explain. You are driving down at night and see yellow pair of eyes on the side of the road; would you know what they were? When you are in a restaurant do you ask for “Sweet Tea” or “Iced Tea”? What do you eat with purple hulled peas? How many horns are on a cow? Auburn or Alabama? Are you getting my point? I don’t care where I have gone on this planet a simple, “WARRRRRRR EAGLEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!” has found me friends even if they were lowly Alabama fans[ I couldn’t resist].

I laugh out loud at anyone who complains about grits and the fact that they are gritty. It automatically tells me they are not from the south. I take a personal offence if someone insults a biscuit or turns their noses up at milk gravy. These two items have fed many a poor southerner for years. They don’t have to eat them, but they sure as heck ought to respect them. After all Southerners never joke about a Yankee Pot Roast or a slice of pizza, honestly who just buys one slice of pizza. I frown when people complain about the heat or the mosquitoes and it just bites my butt when they talk about the humidity. And last but not least, we might not know the name of our roads but if you know your left from your right we can get you there. Ya’ll take care…ya hear!


~Vale~

November 7th

Midterm elections are [as of this entry] thirteen days away and political analysis all over the United States will be eagerly watching closely contested Senate and House races. As usual there will be much fanfare and delight as cameras switch from camp to camp trying to catch the essence of this wondrous election. When the results are in and there is clearly a winner, there will be enough backslapping to make me want to throw up all over my television and DVD player.

In the winning camp there will be: falling balloons, confetti, music, expensive catering and lots and lots of glad handing. In the loosing camp there will be: balloons, confetti, music, expensive catering and lots and lots of glad handing. Each respective candidate will rinse the mud out of his or her hair and throw only accolades to the winner or loser. I have seen this show before.

On November 8th however there will be improvised explosive devices and insurgent sniper teams on the road to Baghdad, the threat of a second if not third nuclear test by Kim Jong-il [that’s the dictator with the weapons of mass destruction], gas attendants that will climb that ladder once again to change the price of gas and hung over winners and losers from both sides of the midterm election.

This election is supposed to change the color of the House from red to blue and quite possibility even the Senate. But nothing actually changes, it only changes hands. That means Democrats will quite possibly be in charge and will now take the blame for things going on in our country. I can see it now. There will be a whole new set of scandals [I can’t wait]; the quagmire called “Operation Iraqi Freedom” will still be…a quagmire. There will be squabbling and in fighting as each new Representative and Senator tries to make a name for him or herself, and gas will still be as high as a giraffe’s rectum. Oh joy.


~Vale~

Investing Too Much

I honestly hate pugnacious pundits. Self styled experts who scream and grimace as if their gesticulations alone, will hammer home their educated opinions as fact. Blessing us with enlightenment because they think we are trapped in varied states of non compos mentis. These “Super Gurus” cajole or congratulate the current Bush administration on its successes or failures, laughing haughtily at the inane possibility that Bush could be wrong or even right. It really depends on who is being interviewed at the time. These cantankerous critics sparkle on camera. They are clean shaven, well dressed, make-up laden, finished off with blindingly white smiles. Their faces are animated and they look particularly unstressed. Not really the kind of people I want the truth from.

The most accurate opinion given without experiencing hardship is from talking to the people “living the condition.” If you want to know the state of affairs in New Orleans, don’t listen to Mayor Nagin or the self promotional professor who has written a single book on the failed levees of the Big Easy. Pick up the phone and call one of the shelters and talk to someone there. But not to be bias, drive down(because some places still don’t have phone service a year later) and find some one who is fighting alligators, water moccasins, nervous rabbits hiding from alligators and West Nile tainted mosquitoes, trying to repair their home after a year with zero assistance (remembering assistance isn’t always monetary!)

If you truly want to know about the condition of things in Iraq or Afghanistan, ask a Soldier, Sailor, Airmen or Marine. Or even join the armed forces (I have a friend who did just that at 32!) I once stood in line at a grocery store and watched a combat veteran disassemble a patriotic wannabe in 30 seconds flat without blinking an eye. Part of the conversation went like this,
“So how were things over there?”
“Hot and dangerous” the veteran’s words were sharp and quick. “Well, if I was there," The fat wannabe held up his arms to simulate firing a rifle. "I’d have my mini-14 with my Bushnell scope taking out rag heads like POW!”
The veteran smiled and asked, “What color are their uniforms?” This drew a confused stare from the wannabe, “I don’t know…” he replied.
“So you would be shooting at everyone…right?” At that moment the veteran was physically standing in the grocery store but mentally on the street in the Anbar Province. The wannabe left hurriedly.

Then again there are people that know the truth but can’t tell you: the President, all the President’s cabinet members, and people in the middle of all current events. They really know “The skinny,” but they just can’t tell the general public because some of you… and you know who you are CAN’T TAKE IT! I honestly keep waiting for that Presidential press conference where the Commander-in-Chief steps out from behind the podium, unloosens his tie, takes a deep breath and starts his sentence like this, “Ok you bitches here’s the truth…” You can see it on his face, he wants to say something to every critic, blogger and self styled expert who has had their share of finger pointing. But he can’t. He mutters the phrase, “Stay the course” quietly thinking assuredly “Because we have no choice.”



~Vale~

The World Has Gone Crazy

I am a self confirmed news junkie. And have been since September 11th 2001. I wake and sleep to CNN, FOX or MSNBC and when I am in an adventurous mood Link TV (because I can only be insulted in six different languages every now and then). As my idiot box flickers I realize the world has gone crazy. There have been at least two entire families slaughtered over the course of a month, 10 Amish girls wounded and murdered in a wooden one room school, a boyfriend in Louisiana dismembered his girlfriend and hid her parts around the apartment…then jumped to his own death, 71 of our citizen soldiers who were children, wives, husbands and friends have been killed in battle so far in the month of October and Kim Jong-il tested a nuclear weapon right in our faces… and we haven’t stomped him flat.

On top of that the GOP is now the Grumpy Odd Party with fall outs from the Foley scandal, the Ashcroft scandal, the Hastert not telling on Foley scandal, the Karl Rove I-had-nothing-to-do-with-it scandal, the “Your-wife-is-a-CIA-operative” scandal, the Tom Delay-I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I scandal, and my favorite scandal the-we-were-right-in-removing-Saddam-scandal and we still can’t find those pesky weapons of mass destruction (Because they are in NORTH KOREA!).

Lastly there are freakish weather anomalies that range from the east coast pummeled by heavy wet weather (in places), deep snow in October in Buffalo, and ice caps the size of Texas that have broken off because of GLOBAL WARMING. There were earthquakes in the Gulf of Mexico, around Hawaii, under Pakistan. There have been droughts, pestilence, disease, famine and war. And all I could think is grab a helmet. Because the terror alert is stuck on Chicken Little yellow and the sky is really falling. But no one is really listening.


~Vale~

Marlin, Jim and Steve

As a child my religion was Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom on Sunday evenings.Wild Kingdom Clip The show consisted of Marlin Perkins narrating what his trusty sidekick Jim would do next. Marlin reminded me of a skinny Colonel Sanders without the goatee, and I often wondered if they were twins. I imagined Marlin being the good twin who rescued and nursed sick animals back to health. And the Colonel being the evil twin, who fried then served them up in a tasty concoction of eleven herbs and spices. I lay mesmerized in front of our color television and watched as Jim would wrestle huge jungle snakes, tranquilize water buffalos, and run from snapping alligators. My young mind would wonder off into some steamy jungle, as Jim and I tracked down an elusive five legged snake or dive off the coast of Bimini looking for the cow who thinks she's a dolphin. I would snap back to reality only when my mother would yell, “You are too close to the television, slide back!” To this day I cannot see an ad for Mutual of Omaha and not think of the courageous Jim Fowler and the scardy cat Marlin Perkins.
Recently Steve Irwin was killed while swimming with a stingray. Doing what he loved to do. And I couldn’t help but feel a personal loss. Steve Irwin and Jim Fowler shared almost the same sense of curiosity and danger. Honestly however, I think Steve was braver (Sorry Jim). I would watch Steve tempt a twelve foot crocodile with a raw chicken and when the croc jumped towards the bait I would flinch. (How’s that for a big bad Paramedic Man) Often thinking he is going to lose his entire arm one day. Occasionally my youngest daughter and I would sit and watch Animal Planet,The Crochunter
where Steve would jump, swim and run (in the same khaki shorts and shirt mind you) chasing whatever animal he wanted to show the camera. My daughter would hide her face behind a pillow if she thought he was going to be bitten. I would laugh and tell her when it was all over. “Dad,” she would say breathlessly, “he’s crazy!” like she had been running along side him the entire time.
Then she would look at me and ask, “Would you do that?” and without hesitation, and with vibrant enthusiasm I would answer, “Why yes of course!” The cynical twist of her mouth said it all. She knew better. She knew her daddy would be mangled by the 15 foot crocodile in the first 2 minutes of the show. Or be drowned, and then swallowed by the 39 foot python. Her 10 year old mind knew Steve was fast and slender, and her daddy was built like a tasty biscuit---with feet. But alas, in my mind I could really do it. Just give me that Wild Kingdom music and I would make Steve proud. Crikey! We are all going to miss you Steve.


~Vale~

The City of Eastchase, Montgomery Mall and a Whole Bunch of Zombies

Driving down the Southern boulevard I can’t help but notice how traffic ebbs and flows like a motorized ocean. Shortly before 7:00am the boulevard is as empty as a scene from your favorite Post-Apocalyptic movie. However at 7:01am and 22 seconds a traffic nightmare erupts from thin air. The hustle and bustle is obscene with each car rushing to their destination of choice. But the kicker is each one of those vehicles represents a potential customer for the giant empty mall they pass. So the question is: How do you get just 1-2 percent of those potential customers to stop at the Montgomery Mall? And secondly how do you get just 25 percent of that 1-2 percent to purchase something when they get there? I am sure these questions are being asked daily by the marketing staff of Gilmcher Realty Trust. Gilmcher Realty Trust Site After all they own the mall.

As a business owner and having 15 years of management experience I am sure of one thing. It won’t be long before those glass doors shut for good. I don’t mean to be the harbinger of doom. But when you lose a majority of your profitable tenants to the City of EastchaseTheir Website, you either have to reinvent yourself or sell your property at a tremendous loss. Personally, I don’t patronize the mall. Solely because it reminds me of the scene in Dawn of the Dead where the stores are closed and the zombies run free. But I digress. Actually there is nothing, and I do mean absolutely nothing in that mall that I couldn’t get from Walmart. And that’s the problem. The mall is supposed to be a specialty-spend-your-money kind of place. Somehow it has lost its ambiance, right along with its anchor tenants.

With the loss of anchor tenants comes the loss of another customer base, namely those who shop around the mall at the strip malls. If you happen to live in Montgomery, Alabama you can see this for yourself. Since a retail exodus is killing the mall I think that escaping stores should be given tax breaks and utility subsidies, a commercial bribe of sorts, to stay. Of course, this is easier said than done. Currently there is a small carnival posted outside the malls walls, and it honestly looks pitiful, real pitiful. If Gilmcher Realty does not do something to reignite an interest in its property, the wonder that used to be the Montgomery Mall will close its doors…for good. And we all know what that means. Crime will sky rocket, because economic decline and crime are intrinsically meshed together and eventually it will become too dangerous to even stop for IHOP or even the traffic lights. Let alone live in that area.

~Vale~

Death of the Boogey Man

This man is not my enemy. I do not know him. I have never met him. But I can relate to him deep, deep within the very essence my parental existence. His name is Jonathon Edington aged 29. He is the father of a 2 year old. You see. This man is a murderer by definition. He became one by slipping quietly through his sleeping neighbor’s window. In his hand was a sharp knife. In his heart was anger. Like a Ninja he crept slowly and methodically until he stood over his quarry. And with a flick of his wrist, he stabbed. He stabbed. He stabbed. And his neighbor was no more. This quiet previously law abiding lawyer delivered a blow for his daughter no court system could ever deliver. Then climbed out of the window and went home.

The real question is what would you the reader do? Would you let the law handle it? Or would you confront the person who did it? Or would you the reader have the testicular fortitude to do what Jonathon did? The thought of something happening like that to my children makes me shudder. I know there would be a cell waiting on me at Kilby Correctional or Atmore. And honestly I don’t care. Because a message needs to be sent loud and clear that when you molest people’s children you suffer a fate reserved solely for rabid dogs. Thus saving the tax payer a lot of money and lowering pedophilia crimes by the straight fear of being Jonathonized.

When I saw the news on CNN I stood up and cheered. Because too often the guiltiest of offenders hire the best attorneys, and then manipulate the legal system until they are either freed or their sentences are reduced. Jonathon Edington skirted this issue. There will be no appeals. No DNA evidence. No child psychiatrist probing a 2 year olds mind. There’ll be no “Breaking News” alerts on the Edington trial. The only thing that will happen is that the knife he will use will be collected into evidence. There will be articles written extensively on why Jonathon did what he did. But the truth of the matter is…the boogey man is dead and will never awake. That is what daddies do. Kill the boogey man. And Jonathon did it like a pro.



~VALE~

Raise Your Lighters High

~Vale~

Running Towards a 10K

At 37 years of age I am contemplating running Atlanta's 10k, on July 4 2007. Not that I couldn’t finish that darn race. But I would probably be somewhere in the back, next to the leper runners, but well before the runners who just got out of their hospital beds. This 10 k will be run in the Southern July heat. Imagine 6 miles of humidity, Atlanta concrete, asphalt hills, convection oven sky scraper windows and copious amounts of sweat to your nether regions. The thought alone furrows my brow.

See, I used to be an overweight two-pack-a-day smoker, and when I quit (thanks Zyban) I gained close to 50 MORE pounds. My battle to remove the flab has been loud and bodacious at times and soft and whimpering at others. I have gone through a myriad of weight loss options. Some have worked, some have not. In all honestly you cannot sit on your buttocks and lose weight. There is no pill, cream, lotion or powder that will do it. You have to get moving. So my choice was running, because walking does absolutely nothing. Part of my motivation belongs to the Barnhills Buffet next to my gym and all the portly people in their tight clothes headed to feast, which made me run even FASTER and the majority of my motivation has been my children.

In the beginning the only change I could see was swollen ankles and that my Motrin consumption had increased. Then the results started. My pants became looser, my stamina increased and my girl friend…well let’s just say enjoyed the change. I began to consume every tip and technique for running beginners. After trial and many, many errors, I finally settled on a fairly simple regime of hydration, nutrition and stretching. I also found out that if you run you do not have to diet, believe it or not.

A simple formula helped me and it goes like this: take your weight, divide it by 2.2 then multiply the result by 33 formula here.This will tell you how many calories you need to maintain your current weight. Just reduce your calorie requirement by 20 percent (regular soda to water, chicken strips but fat free ranch dressing) and POW weight loss. Add this with running…more weight loss.

But my true problem is my run time. I run at least three times a week varying the distance of my run. But the time remains the same (one hour). I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never run as fast as a 98 pound Kenyan, because I am neither Kenyan or secondly will never be 98 pounds. So that means I have no chance in a fat mans hell of crossing the finish line first…unless it is on an ambulance. But I would like to finish. That to be would be the ultimate in my fitness success, from ex-smoker to 10k runner. Sounds like a book deal. Wish me luck!


~Vale~